(And Other Lessons I’ve Learned from My Shitty Employer.)
Hey, I’m trying to stay positive here, family. Honestly. Like, in the good way. It’s been a rough few weeks around here. My own personal morale has hit some pretty low- lows. It’s not even funny.
I’m not going to call my employer out by name on the vague off chance someone actually reads my socials. Of course, it would be arrogant of me to assume I warranted that kind of attention. But, hey, I already have a bad attitude.
So, first lesson here is to never, ever call your big, stupid manupid, faceless, corporate a$$hole employer out on their bullshit. Heaven forbid you’d throw a wrench into their carefully laid conspira- umm, plans. We’ll say “plans.” Because if your bosses were conspiring to fill their pockets full of money in three years and then move onto the next batch of saps, they wouldn’t want anyone catching onto the fact they were doing it. But it’s great, right? It’s all great.
The next lesson here is never call your bosses out on what is obviously blunt nepotism. “Oh, but it’s natural for every employer to play favorites.” Because that shit’s obviously okay? Sorry, not buying into it. If you’re going to play by the rules of nameless, faceless corporation, then you probably shouldn’t hire your cousin’s niece’s best friend and then promote her within a year. But hey, it’s all good. Everything is great. It’s all great, right?
“Everything is wonderful!”
Then, my favorite lesson out of the last couple of weeks. Experience is obviously overrated. Let’s do everything the “new” way. And shout down the voice of anyone who would dare bring up the fact that something has been done before and failed- miserably. Maybe things were in place the way they were for a reason. Maybe that old boss that you almost literally shoved out the door knew what she was doing and learned a thing or two over the last 30+ years. Let’s completely forget the fact that the company didn’t sprout up overnight on its own and that a lot of hard work got it there to begin with. But it’s great, because we’re moving forward. It’s wonderful. Everything is oh, so awesome.
Oh, but everything is based on Smart Goals. Now, I have a bad attitude, and it shows, but everything is based on their bullshit Smart Goals they’ve cooked up. Apparently this must be the new corporate McBuzzword approach to reviewing employees, even though it’s literally coming down to the same old shit as always. They just slapped a new label on it and called it, “Smart Goals.” Does anyone talk about “synergy” any more? That’s great! We’re moving forward.
I almost forgot my favorite bullshit move that’s been going on since the 1980’s. The lesson here is- don’t call your bosses out on their plan to automate the office and put a bunch of people out of their jobs. Of course they’re going to keep all the people they like, because those folks magically met their Smart Goals. Don’t worry, anyone much over the age of 30 or smart enough to see what’s going on just won’t produce enough Smart Goals. But it’s all great because we’re getting rid of all that dead weight that’s dragging the company down. We can all smile more because those old guys will be out of a job. In a job market that is absolutely hostile to them right now. Yay. Ain’t it great?
You’ve probably sensed my theme by now. I work for people that literally try to bury everything in positivity. We can fiddle while Rome burns as long as we’re smiling and everything is great. It’s all great even if it’s not. I love positivity, don’t get me wrong. But there comes a point where you have to look at facts. And that being said, there are just some things you can’t put a positive spin on no matter how hard you might try.
To make matters worse, they’re surrounding themselves with a bunch of “Yes” people who couldn’t disagree with anything if they wanted to. Yay for them. At least they’re keeping their jobs, I guess. But, someday it will be their turn on the chopping block. The people they’re constantly saying “yes” to have their own agenda and they don’t care who they stomp on. And furthermore, if you are one of the ones left standing, you might think real carefully about whether or not these are the kinds of people you want to be working for.
This really is starting to sound like something out of the 1980’s. I’m just trying to feed my family. I’ve been in the rat race. I’ve done all that crap to try and “get ahead” at other jobs with other companies. Honestly, they’re gone now and I’m still no further ahead that when I started. It never made a damn bit of difference except for what years of neglect and abuse of my body has done for my health.
Positivity is a wonderful thing, but if you’re being positive to the point of ignoring your circumstances? I hate to say it, but it’s dangerously unrealistic. It’s downright unhealthy.
Sure, we can talk LoA lack vs abundance mindset. Sure, we can say there are no victims here. There really aren’t any victims. Choices were made. Really dumb choices on my part, maybe. I’m no saint. I’m no martyr. I’m no victim. I can look back on this article and spin everything in a completely different light. I would be disingenuous to do so.
Seriously, I feel like everything has gone to Hell the last couple of weeks. I’ve fought the good fight, the bad fight, and everything else. I’m done swinging for a while. Let the Huns come. They really can’t do anything to me more than what the reality matrix we’re in has already done. I’m tired and I’m ready to go home. Yeah. I mean that home.
I guess onward and upward?