Ticking Boxes

Ever pour hand sanitizer on an open wound?
Yeah. Ouch. I’m sure someone will read this looking for something to hang me on. Good luck. Consider it sanitized for your protection. Or keep reading to harvest the fruits of your sadistic handiwork. Up to you, really.

Hurts me more than it does you, but whatever. Not like the world cared before and it probably won’t after. I try to keep things positive. But today is one of those days where I need lots of puppies, kittens, duckies, and bunnies. Lots of em…

You can’t overdose on cute. Not for a lack of trying.

It’s also really difficult to be upset with the world when there’s soft, cuddly, adorable cuteness around. Yes, I misplaced my proverbial man card a long time ago and replaced it with pictures of fuzzy, little, yellow peepers and bunny whiskers. Sorry, macho fam. We can toss cabers, belch, fart loudly and swear like drunken sailors later.

So, I’ve been looking for a new job lately. I’ve come across this interesting form regarding “disabilities.” Now, I don’t consider myself differently abled, or at least I didn’t until more recently. Then I applied for a couple of jobs that are roundabout tied to the government. I kinda cringed because I check multiple boxes.

So, I actually qualify solidly under Fibromyalgia (check,) Depression AND Anxiety (Check-Check,) Diabetes (Check,) Gastrointestinal disorder (euww Check,) and “Psychiatric Condition” (Check because somehow ADHD often gets lumped in along with depression/bipolar disorder being on there twice.) Damned if I ain’t neuro-diverse as all get-out. Who knew? Okay, besides my doctors, therapist, cats, wife, Facebook, Instagram… and now employers. Sigh. It just gets better and better, don’t it? Without even getting into the physical crap like pain and fatigue, let’s talk about how bad the depression thing really is.

What I’m currently annoyed with is where it puts me on the scale.

No one likes being depressed. Some of us manage to reach a comfortable state of homeostasis with it through therapy and medication, sure. Personally I lean toward meditation and raising my vibration through natural means as much as possible. (It’s called laughter, okay?) I find having a strange and broad sense of humor helps. But the low end of the scale also leads one open to a state of dis-ease. Right now in this day and age, that’s a somewhat frightening proposition.

I mean, we can talk about this scientifically, too. It has been shown that depression lowers the immune system, thus ushering in other diseases. I’m already three or so checks into auto-immune issues if you tack on arthritis. Eesh.

Manifesting anything from the lower vibrations, in Law of Attraction terms is bad news when you’re in these lower states. I’m pushing as hard as I can manage every day to get to neutral. There’s no sense risking the Universe saying, “Oh, this guy loves being miserable. Here’s another big, steamy, pile of smelly crap to deal with.”

I saw this today:

It’s little alarming when I can reasonably agree with 13 our of 15. I mean, geez. That’s not good.

Luckily for me, I’ve been in this state before many times in 49 years. I saw this one coming and called my therapist. Haven’t seen her in almost six years. Things had been going pretty well. I’ve just hit a massive downturn as of late with my changing job situation and a major hit to my self esteem. After all this time, I do know what to look for.

Let’s be honest.

It’s on me, family. I’m not really blaming anyone else. Sure, there are outside stimuli and variables to consider. But in the very end, there are no victims. Everything is a reaction to those outside factors. If I seem bitter, it’s because I’ve chosen to react to something.

In the end, I hope this is a teachable moment. When you’re depressed, a lot of people try to cheer you up or tell you, “You just gotta pull yourself up be your own bootstraps.” One of my favorites, said by a so-called therapist was, “Man up and get over it.” Needless to say, I believe firmly in things that work and “just suck it up and deal” has never been one of them.

In spiritual circles, they say not knowing or admitting you don’t know is sort of a taboo. We’re supposed to be here to have experiences and remember higher states of being. We’re here as God or the the divine experiencing itself. But sometimes, I don’t know why life has to be hard. I really wonder why Source wants to experience the same awful emotional junk over and over.

I look at what I can be grateful for every single day. Hooray for affirmations. Yay meditation. Love of family and pets is a good thing. Therapy will reinforce all the above. Waiting for the outside temperature in Iowa to drop down to a reasonable level before going outside again. We’ll get there. Lastly, everything is a learning experience.

Take care, family. More to come. I’m still here. We’re due for a UFOlogy discussion again soon.