Drifting

This will be a little different by way of a blog.

Hey, it’s my blog. I’m going to be a little vulnerable. I know the mighty “they” say not to do what I’m about to do. They have hundreds or even thousands of followers. They have advertisers, sponsors, and maybe even “real” day jobs. The mythical they say “You shouldn’t post personal stuff on your blog if you’re trying to land a job.”

Well, what do they really know? I’m sitting here, still unemployed. Still trying to land a writing gig or something meaningful. I’m still looking for joy in, uh, well I won’t say all the “wrong” places. More like, I’m looking for joy anywhere I can find it, honestly.

I think some of the LoA gurus get it wrong.

It’s always the mantras of keep smiling, keep your vibration high, and chase away all the negative stuff. You have to clean all the mentally repressed junk in your trunk. You create bad days for yourself, so don’t create bad days for yourself. (That last one’s almost a verbatim quote, btw.)

Stuff happens. Yeah, maybe I “manifested” it. If I did, then I’ll own it. I’m a pro at making mistakes and fixing them. My wife can vouch for that. I have a dishwasher held together with loose screws and zip ties to prove it.

The all-knowing LoA experts will say I’m doing it all wrong. Do I always live in the dream fulfilled? Not necessarily. Do I practice my intentions every day and then forget them? I did that for a couple of years straight. Well, it landed me a third to half of what I wanted. Now I’m backed off from some of those intentions.

I do intend to be prosperous.

Maybe not filthy stinking rich. Money in and of itself is a human construct, not a human value. Yes, I’d love to be a millionaire. But, more importantly, I’d like to make sure all the bills are paid. I’d like to be able to go out and buy that dishwasher that can accommodate a family of six. I’d love to go take a week and hide out in the north woods somewhere with no electricity or WiFi connections. But money only buys things that make me smile.

I think the last two letters in prosperous are the ones that matter. US. If we can’t all be share in the wealth, why are we knocking ourselves out earning it? I mean, I’m not embracing socialism or communism here. I’m just saying I want a flow of steady cash for my family first and foremost. I intend to have the bills paid and food in the fridge. I want to have some fun on the holidays and weekends.

Of course I’m not going about it the way they say to do it.

Them: You gotta get a job and work hard every day.
Me: Nope. Did that shit for 30 years so far and look where that landed me.

Them: You gotta show your employer you want to be there and earn your way to the top.
Me: See also 30+ years of their bullshit. Where did it get me? Hmm…

I’ve watched multiple companies go belly up. I’ve been fired a couple of times from jobs that were going to pieces anyway. I’ve spent countless hours of toil and brain sweat putting more money in other people’s pockets. Where’s that big promotion? Where’s my office? Yup. You guessed it. I’m here on my couch with a bum knee and a bad back.

Them: Don’t chase your dreams. Chase the almighty dollar. Plenty of time for hobbies after you retire.
Me: Screw that. I love my various pastimes now, but I do have a dream. Prosperity is part of that dream.

Them: You’ll never amount to anything. You’re too old, too fat, too poor too… (whatever.)
Me: Raises middle finger. You can say that, but we all know it’s false. I’m going to get where I want to be. I’m grateful for where I am and it’s only getting better.

I’ve kinda had the cruise control on lately.

I have you, if you’re here. Thank you. Otherwise, I have this lovely space in which to vent all sorts of things. I mean, why make my therapist do all the work, right?

I know a lot of folks probably read my blog because they’re “checking my socials.” Many are either potential employers making sure I’m not some subversive, conspiracy wackadoo, psycho, anti-corporate, pro-socialist something-or-other. And I know some are here waiting for me to say something negative about a certain former employer. (Big ole corporation’s scared I’m going to blow my top and say something serious about them. LOL!) Hopefully there are also a few genuine people in my audience. I’m super grateful if you are.

So, here we are. I’ve been very sporadic. Honestly, I hadn’t intended to go quite so deep with this one. I’ve been kinda floating lately. Not really stuck, just not moving toward anything specific. I’ve been cleaning the kitchen, taking kids to school, hanging out with the cats, and just generally taking care of myself. It’s not spectacular.

I feel like the breakthrough is there or here, even.

You see it all the time in the various LoA books and courses. Our beloved mentors start with stories like:

“I was sitting at my kitchen table barely able to pay rent for another month, when I got this idea.”
“I was selling women’s shoes at Blah Shoe Store in Los Angeles when…”
“I was dead broke and selling my book out of my girlfriend’s car when…”
“I was fired from 30 jobs in one year and decided to create my own life…”
“I was living in my grandma’s garage with all of my credit cards maxed out and I got inspired…”
And one of my personal favorites, “I had already earned a pile of money working in my parent’s restaurant when I invested in other things and…” (Is it really an LoA success story if you started out with money?)

The truly interesting thing to me is, I feel as if I’m in that kind of magical time frame right now. Sure, I have days when I’m ready to throw in the towel and go back to work for nigh onto minimum wage and work my way back up the career ladder. (In other words, bust my ass for someone else every day until I end up in the grave. Nothing but misery until the end.) But I also have plenty of days that I’m grateful for being alive, reasonably healthy, and my family is doing okay.

It’s not perfect. I’m not striving to control every little thought, every little thing from one minute to the next. I’m just living my life. Yeah, I’d love to be doing more. Sure, I’d love to wake up tomorrow and get hit with that million dollar idea lightning bolt or at least something helpful. It’s going to happen, mark my words. But I’d be happy just knowing there’s enough coming in to cover all the bills and do things that light me up.

When the focus becomes on the feeling of joy, the money in the bank is a side effect. Whatever I’m doing, I just want to have fun. I just want to enjoy it. If it becomes a grind, misery and suffering set in and who wants that?

Anyway, more writing to come in the days ahead. Thank you for listening this far. I am still looking to help someone out for a bit of spare cash if anyone would like some help. Stay safe. See you soon.