When last we left off:

We were talking about unemployment and the drudgery of dealing with our friends at Iowa Workforce Development. IWD doesn’t understand or sympathize with much of anyone outside of their narrow agenda. Yes, we understand Iowa needs truck drivers and dental hygienists. It doesn’t mean we’re all in a rush to go beg for those jobs.

I applied for a writing job last week and right in my cover letter had to tell the person doing the hiring, “My resume won’t tell you anything about me.” It’s true. My resume will show I’ve been employed for the last 30-ish years or so. But there’s nothing on there pertaining to what I want to be doing. That’s truly the hard part and where a lot of my personal frustration comes in.

IWD doesn’t seem to understand that not everything is a 9-5 clock punching job. Then again, they’re pretty behind the times on a lot of things with no indication of ever catching up. Like most government jobs, I think IWD employees are mostly in it to collect a paycheck first and everything else second, or last in some cases. They have their jobs. Good for them, I guess.

That’s another thing I don’t get about IWD. I can’t tell if these people treat all of us like we’re stupid, lazy and/or disabled, or if I’m just special. It was particularly hilarious when the lady from vocational rehabilitation literally tried to pass me back to someone else in the IWD office to help me with programs when the IWD case worker referred me to voc rehab for their services. They want to offer me all kinds of services, but they don’t know what. The bureaucracy is comical.

I‘m not even asking for a handout, other than my unemployment check.

I’m jumping through all kinds of hoops for this very simple thing. IWD keeps putting more hoops out there. Their hoops are pretty stupid and we know how well I jump through them.

As for the job seeking itself- I’ve run into so many barriers, it’s really just not worth my time. I know I’m pretty much blacklisted as a dispatcher. No one that hears about it wants anyone who will present them with FMLA. I’m almost 50, so my age is a major turn off for many employers. I’m still paying on my student loans and I have kids, so going back to college is off my list. I have no real world friends, no references, and no experience doing things I want to be doing. SSDI may or may not come through. (I really can’t say much about that, either.) So, basically, in the eyes of employers, I’m a big nothing burger.

I keep seeing a lot of entry level jobs that want 5 years+ experience, a college degree in the field, and references from the industry. Sorry, not sorry. That’s NOT an entry level job no matter what you’re telling me.

I keep hearing from IWD that there are all these jobs open… in fields I don’t qualify for or have any interest in. Yes, I can learn new skills. Not to mention there are a lot of employers hiring, COVID aside, for positions that were abandoned by people who were sick and tired of being treated like shit. Everyone seems to forget that the amount of crap I have to put up with must balance with the pay, benefits, and ultimately fulfillment from the job. People are tired of being overworked and underpaid at jobs they don’t want to do in the first place just to keep a roof overhead and perpetuate the cycle.

I used to be that guy.

I owe Aaron Doughty and Jake Ducey, among others, a big apology. I used to comment on their YouTube videos about how it was utterly insane to quit an unfulfilling job. I’m sorry I ever doubted you guys. I’m not trying to be that Law of Attraction guy that says it, but you can quit an unfulfilling job as long as you do it responsibly. I was lucky. I got canned from my unfulfilling job. I am grateful every day, in every way that I am my own boss now.

It’s another article entirely, but you can be free. Yes, there are jobs to consider. Yes, there are bills to pay. I get it. And I love each and every person struggling just to make ends meet. I’ve been there plenty of times. I will say we live in a kind and loving Universe and if you believe you will receive.

Personally, I’m struggling to keep my vibration up. I’m doing the affirmations. I accept my negative thoughts are going to happen. I turn around the ones that I can. I try to be aware of the subconscious messages. Beliefs create reality. You get a reflection of what you feel. I’m trying to keep the depression monster at bay and the manifestation angel in front of me. Letting go and trusting the Universe is hard, but ultimately it pays off. I do sound like that LoA guy now. Sorry.

The last flobstacle and most recent one.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in the #ttrpg community. I have someone I follow on Twitter who literally just quit job. Today is her last day. I got curious about what she was doing. I looked up her portfolio on her website. Holy SHIT! IMPRESSIVE!!!

That’s great. I’m happy for her. It’s no wonder she’s got offers coming out of her ears. Marvelous. Man, do I wish that was me. I really feel like I’ve f*cked my life up.

Okay, I didn’t grow up in the social media/internet age. I know my education/degree is now about 20 years old. There are a lot of things I’m still learning. I’ve been into the #ttrpg industry for almost 40 years. I’ve never taken video or streamed any actual play. God, sometimes I feel old. I can’t help it. But wow, some of these younger folk. I don’t think I can compete. And that leaves me back to doing my own thing.

So, I dunno. You tell me. Do I hit the reset button on my blog? Do I push my gaming efforts whether it’s publishing or video? I’m fighting LoA right now. Do I keep fighting the good fight in Ufology/Spirituality?

I mean I sincerely don’t want to be that guy.

I’ve seen people who have become completely disillusioned with spirituality and become these completely angry, atheistic, argumentative skeptics who do just pick fights with everyone. I get that I have the occasional (LOL!) negative thought. I say things on here, despite trying to stay positive, that aren’t necessarily LoA friendly. I refuse to give up on the Universe. I know all of this happens for a reason.

I can do other things and still have embraced my spirituality. I AM a spiritual being having a physical experience. It seems incredible sometimes that we have this huge world we live in and it’s literally a speck of dust compared to the Universe itself. Now I just have to figure out where I fit it for sure.

Til we meet again, I guess. One way or another, I’ll be here.