Am I Doing This Right?

Still looking for that remote job. Wanna chat over Twitter? Sure. Want to exchange Instagram messages? Great. Message me on LinkedIn? Are you real? Wanna text? How well do I know you? You want to get together in person?!? Uh… Umm… M-maybe next week/month/year/never.


Please bear with me as I’m going to ramble a bit here.

I’ve been debating about posting this for a while now. It’s not entirely an imposter syndrome thing. Sometimes I just wonder if I’m doing things right?

I still have plenty of PTSD around criticism, so I’m not exactly out soliciting opinions of anything I’m doing. My inner critic is enough for me on any given day. I sure as shit never want to set foot in a “real” job ever again. If I can’t work remotely, I ain’t doin it. For the rest, there’s therapy. 😅

Today and several other days, I keep wondering if I’m social media-ing correctly? Is that a thing? I dunno. It is now, I guess.

I mean, I’m not trying to be the popular-est guy ever on social media. I’ve met some very amazing and talented people on Instagram and Twitter both. I truly treasure and appreciate so many of whom I’ve met so far. But am I making an impact? Would they say the same? I’m not entirely sure.

I’m not always getting 100% of the engagement I’m looking for on Twitter and Instagram. At least I’m not fighting/arguing with or getting-trolled-by anyone the majority of the time. That’s good, I guess.

I have a few people on Twitter that I follow who I’m pretty sure don’t recognize me as a follower or just plain don’t care. Lol? I guess invisible and anonymous is okay in some cases. I can still talk mad smack about Matt Mercer and he’ll never know. Bwah haha! (Just kidding.)

Having a life online and having friends out in the physical world are two different things.

Sure, we’d like to believe it’s both. You’ll notice I didn’t say, “the ‘real’ world” because for many, especially the last two years, online relationships are just as real as physical ones.

I have friends that I met, talk to, and hang with online pretty much exclusively. Kinda hard to go to coffee when we’re scattered all over the planet, literally, but we’re friends, regardless. As a big proponent of the Law of Attraction, I would say reality is what you make it.

Even if you have imaginary friends, and you have conversations with them in your head all day, they’re just as real as people you could meet on the street. And because emotion is energy in motion, eventually the Universe would likely pair you up with someone similar to the ones in you imagined along the lines of your vibrational frequency. (Theoretically.) So, no worries there.

I’m still struggling with meeting people out in public.

My therapist is working with me on this. Maybe talking about it helps, I dunno? Truth is, I still don’t want to hang with people out in the physical world. Some days, I don’t even want to leave the house. Hanging out with people in the physical world puts me in a state between panic and anger a lot of times.

Still looking for that remote job. Wanna chat over Twitter? Sure. Want to exchange Instagram messages? Great. Message me on LinkedIn? Are you real? Wanna text? How well do I know you? You want to get together in person?!? Uh… Umm… M-maybe next week/month/year/never.

Maybe I’m happier making friends online? That’s sort of the social media engagement I’d really like. I’ve met some very remarkable people online over the years. That’s a good thing.

Maybe that’s why this format works for me.

I’m okay addressing an audience in writing. It’s cool. I’ll probably never hear from the vast majority of my audience. And that’s okay. We’re cool like that, right?

I’m grateful for you. I appreciate you. Thank you for being here with me in this space. See ya soon.

Author: Jeff Craigmile

I'm a tabletop role-playing game writer and designer from Des Moines, Iowa always looking for more work. I'm the father of four boys and human to three cats.

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