Anxiety and How I Beat It Back

What’s the BEST that can happen?

Kind of a personal share today.

My chest is getting a bit tight just thinking about all this. Breathe…

I’m working on a couple of projects that I’m very excited about or at least I should be. I’m sworn to secrecy, so I can’t say what they are, but they’re very important to me. It’s also very exciting.

That’s all fine and well, but the old sinking feelings set in. I start asking all the wrong questions in my head. What if I fail? What if I miss my deadline? What if no one likes it? What if my wife gets on me for spending more time on this than housework or finding a “real” job. What if I’m successful? Ooh pressure… What if there’s criticism? See also all of my personal PTSD triggers…

If anyone needs me, I’ll be curled up under my desk.

Procrastination sets in. I start spending way more time on social media. I play Diablo 3 like it’s going out of style. I do housework until my body says “no more.” The cats are avoiding me because of too many snuggles. Time to be my own therapist for a change. None of this pattern is new to me. Time to break the cycle.

What’s the BEST that can happen?

The worst case scenario has had enough time in the limelight to last me a lifetime. I took Public Relations in college. I know how it works. But I’m done with thinking about what could go wrong. Let’s project what it looks like when things go right.

  • Use positive affirmations to build confidence back up. If nothing else, I am okay.
  • Speak it into existence with gratitude for what will happen. “I am so happy and grateful now that I am a successfully published RPG writer.”
  • Take inspired action. Don’t let those good ideas sit on the shelf.
  • “Lean into the suck.” (Thanks Laura DiBenedetto!) More on that below.
  • False Evidence Appearing Real. Let the demons go on a diet. No more fear.
  • Stay calm. Relax. Breathe. Stay present in the moment. Every now moment.
  • Get knocked down 99 times. Stand up 100 times. Failure is part of the process.
  • Do not compare oneself to the images on social media. The grass is always greener in someone else’s front yard.
  • Finally, criticism is also part of the process. Trust that it isn’t personal. Learn. Grow from it. Keep going with the knowledge that change and growth go hand in hand.

A good friend of mine once said, “Lean into the suck.”

Yes, there’s stress. But…

Yes, there’s going to be stress. It’s part of the process. Yes, there are challenges to overcome. If it were totally easy, someone else would have done it by now. Sometimes, you just have to push through all the fear, stress, concerns and challenges to come out on top in that place of gratitude. Even Elon Musk and Jeff Besos have off days and problems to solve.

Inspired action is still action and sometimes that comes with more challenges (or consequences.) I know I have to step out of my comfort zone. I have to reach for those goals. They’re not just going to happen magically while I sit on my couch and meditate. (Yay meditation, but still…)

Yeah, sometimes things are going to suck. There are setbacks. They’re not permanent. Hold my Dr Pepper. I got this.

I have to constantly remind myself I am NOT my feelings.

Sure, I have feelings. (My man card is burning. LOL!) The thing we tend to forget is that we choose our feelings. I’m not in any imminent danger of being eaten by a bear, so I can choose something besides stress.

Yeah, criticism is likely. But my editor is human. I’m still going to put my best foot forward and do my utmost to meet deadline. If it’s not perfect, we’ll figure it out together.

I am not my diagnosis of PTSD, ADHD, depression, anxiety disorder or anything else psychology labels me as having. I am capable of staying positive and present. I can do this. I’ve got this.

Thanks for bearing with me on a personal share. Sometimes I just need to put it down in words to feel my way through things. The interweb is my vision board.

I am so grateful for all of you. Be back soon.

If you’re interested in more life changing suggestions for personal growth, you can check out The Six Habits by Laura DiBenedetto. This book and its author have helped me so much these last three years.

New Year, New Everything.

I have not abandoned spirituality, ufology or the beings completely, but I’m stepping a very long way back from talking about it. I’ve been into tabletop roleplaying games for years before awakening.

After a LOT of consideration and thought, I’ve rebranded my site and almost everything else I had going. I’ll briefly get into a couple of reasons for this, primarily because I was just due for a major overhaul.

The first reason that comes to mind is I wanted the look of the site to evolve and reflect the change in content. I was running Sellswordgames.blog. As that site will no longer being used and I am pretty much done with that brand, we’re moving back in here with all my gaming content.

I have not abandoned spirituality, ufology or the beings completely, but I’m stepping a very long way back from talking about it. I’ve been into tabletop roleplaying games for years before awakening. I will still embrace the Universe in all things, thanking Source for all things, and loving life on Gaia each and every day. My focus on love, prosperity, and joy have not gone away, but rather are being rekindled here in a different way.

The second reason is I wanted to take advantage of my primary blog site’s WordPress features. There are a few more options for monetization, etc here than on the free WordPress sites. There are also more/better looking thematic options and plugins I can use.

Lastly, it was just time for some changes. Law of Attraction means getting into that flow state; acting on inspiration, and I really felt like I was getting into a groove at the end of last year. I will still be posting the occasional personal note along with all the cool gaming stuff I have lined up. I’m excited to be up and running again. I have a renewed sense of vigor when it comes to writing and I have a lot of fun projects lined up.

Thank you. Namaste

I am grateful for everyone who follows me and sees this. Thank you! Have a great week and I’ll be back very soon.

Freedom Day, DECember Edition

https://ko-fi.com/jeffcraigmile

Hard to believe it’s December already.

Christmas is right around the corner. I’m still without any kind of meaningful employment if anyone was wondering. Not that I’m bitter, but more on that in a moment. I have started an account on Ko-Fi if you want to buy me a cup of coffee or contribute to my kids’ college funds.

My Ko-Fi Can be Found Here:
https://ko-fi.com/jeffcraigmile

I really do.

I want to share some love with the people who have been here for me through the year. It’s been…

Good at times. We’ve experienced some real abundance. I’ve felt the “Flow” at times as we say in Law of Attraction circles. I’m going to drop a ton of Instagram links below in a movie-credit style roll for those interested in making new friends. It’s been a good year, in many respects.

Then there was the not-as-amazing stuff. Being unemployed is a blessing and a curse. (Again, more on that later.) Our health held up. Our roof stayed attached through all of the wind storms. Christmas is looking very bright this year. We’re still kicking butt as a single income house so far. Ya know, I keep coming up with all these things to be grateful for, almost like my Higher Self is showing me what to say?

Like, maybe you can’t be super high vibe all the time, but the lows aren’t so low, either. I will honestly say, I’ve had some struggles with depression, anxiety, anger, and pain this year. Depression and pain being the absolute worst of it, but I’ve managed to pull through. The valleys aren’t as deep any more and the hills aren’t as tough to climb.

Okay, taking a minute to spit a little anger at a few groups, because duality exists.

First, I’d like to put a big middle finger in the air up to corporate America. I especially have a mean-on for one specific industry that I can’t mention here for the potential of getting sued. But let’s just say it doesn’t bode well for any of the suit-n-tie-wearing, bottom-line-toting, conference-room-team-meeting, SMART-goal-fucking, overinflated, top-heavy, corporate McAssholes of the world when you treat people like absolute shit and then get around to firing them. In an ironic twist, I hear people are leaving some of those corporate jobs in droves because of shitastic working conditions and poor treatment by management, anyway. Good for them!

Second, another KissMyAss award goes out to #ufotwitter. Yes. You’ve earned it. Stop being pompous, overinflated egoic, know-it-all naysayers who allow no one a differing opinion or outlook. For people fighting for Disclosure and want to “believe” in ETs, UFOs, UAPs or whatever you’re calling them this week? Y’all got a funny way of showing it. Probably because you know the minute meaningful ET contact is made or Disclosure ends publicly, you’re going to have to shut up and your book deal will be gone. Meanwhile, all the government funded disinformation agents and shills out there are finally going to be out of their jobs, too. But, take heart. I hear Iowa Workforce Development will retrain you as an arc welder or dental hygienist for free.

Third, the State of Iowa could sink into the center of the Earth any day now for what it’s worth. Hopefully they can build bridges to connect other states over the crater. We’ll probably find some way to blame the Governor Kim Reaper for it. Our Cov-Icky-Cough-Coughs numbers are higher than most Third World Nations and our employment outlook is horrible. Iowa Workfarce Enforcement only cares about one set of uneducated-but-skilled laborers. If you have a college degree, get ready to step down and take it in the butt or go without a job. But if you’re fresh out of high school or suddenly disillusioned with UFOlogy and can follow instructions like a good little drone, they want you.

A Couple of Other Thoughts While We’re Here.

COVID… I’ve seen so much freakin rhetoric about vax vs anti-vax and mask vs anti-mask. And again, see that bright red state in the middle of the map with the outrageous uptick in reported outbreaks? Yeah… Get your shots or don’t. Wear a mask or don’t. Make the decision for yourself. Just stop talking about it, please. Save our sanity.

Mainstream Media- I have a journalism degree for cryin out loud. (Not that it’s ever made a huge difference.) You know what one of the first things I cut out of my life right after I graduated was? Watching any kind of news broadcast or reading any news outside of the occasional YouTube video or article from an independent website. Even then, I take a lot of it with a grain of salt. Please, do yourselves a favor this holiday season and in life and turn the TV off, stop listening to the bobble headed idiots on morning radio, put the newspaper down, and go outside for some fresh air. Screw politics. To Hell with what the Kardashians are doing now. Fuck COVID. Let the Chinese do whatever they’re going to do today. Ignore Trump entirely. Just go get some fresh air and appreciate the world around you. You’re gonna be so much better off for it.

Let’s talk about that whole “being unemployed” thing for a few.

This is not a dis on people with jobs. We all gotta do what we gotta do. Love ya for it.

Personally, if I never set foot in an office again to work, it’s not gonna hurt my feelings. I’m productive from right here at home. Yes, I’m struggling right now because no one sees my value. I can write. I know I can. I have yet to land a writing gig. Yes, I know what’s on my résumé It says I’ve been beaten more times than your college baseball team. But it doesn’t say a thing about me or what I’m capable of. Iowa Workless Defamation doesn’t see it. The locals aren’t hiring for anything I want to do and finding a remote job is like… Geez, I can’t even come up with a good comparison any more because it pretty much sucks!

Yes, I would love to have a “career” again. Quite honestly, being a stay-at-home dad is starting to feel a little like freeloading. This is not exactly fulfilling my life purpose or seeing my mission as a lightworker out, but it’s not horrible, either. I would love to be bringing in some money for roof repairs, a new vacuum cleaner, or whatever else comes up next. I mean, four kids. It’s always something.

LOL! Did I mention that Ko-Fi link? https://ko-fi.com/jeffcraigmile

People whom I wish to give much credit this year. Thank you friends, family, and Earthly teachers:

First Off, Thank you Heather Craigmile, loving wife and mother of our four kids. (No links.) She’s shy. Sorry folks.

Here’s a list of some of my friends on Instagram in no particular order:

  • Laura DiBenedetto: @lauraldibenedetto
  • Shane: @thespiritofthecosmos
  • Sharon: @candidly_sharonh
  • Andrea Garris: @a.l.garris
  • Dr Julia Colangelo @drjuliacolangelo
  • Alana Weinberg: @healwithalana

I had to leave a few people off for privacy reasons. And if I left you off, please know I still love you! Thank you!

Oh Freedom Day!

I AM realistic. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!

I’ve been liberated from the grind of 12 hour work days for three months!

I want to preface this with the thought: Be responsible! Don’t do anything rash on account of what somebody on the Internet said. I wouldn’t be here right now were it not for the kindness and understanding of my family. For that I am extremely grateful.

If you’re working hard to keep food on the table, keep going. You got this!

Things I’m grateful for since freedom came to me:

  • I’m my own boss and my own employee of the month.
  • Freedom from McCorporate Team environment.
  • The slow 12 hour workday trudge to the grave is no more.
  • Time for my family.
  • Time for my own health and sanity.
  • Setting my own schedule.
  • Deciding my own fate over putting money in their pockets.

Hallelujah! I am so happy and grateful to be free on this day! This is proof that the Law of Attraction really does work. It’s not always easy or painless, but it does come together in its own special way. We live in a benevolent Universe. I believe in good things and they are there for me. I AM realistic. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!

I’ve worked toward manifesting this moment right here, right now. I’m my own boss, working my own hours, reporting to me. I’m my own employee of the month. This guy is truly moving onward and upward. I give me all kinds of praise and good reviews. Gotta keep that vibration up, though.

My Chairman of the Board. Taken from my mobile office/studio. I love this guy!

I’m so happy and grateful to be free from the corporate environment. If that’s your thing, great. You do that. Me? I’m my own boss. Technically still unemployed by the current socioeconomic cultural matrix standards, but that’s their label, not mine. I find things that are awesome about me.

It’s like finding inner peace on a whole new level. I set my own standards for success. I’m happy being me. It’s beautiful. There’s no one breathing down my neck. There are no performance “SMART” goals. No upper-middle-lower management clowns to bug me. No one setting standards they can’t meet themselves. My life is beautiful now that the greasy corporate mentality is all washed out of my system. I only get on my own case if I need to, and I’m learning to be more gentle with myself.

Teams? I’m it. It’s just me. The whole corporate team concept is broken. I’ve seen it fall apart or just plain fail for over 20 years now. You have a group of five to ten employees (sorry, “teammates” because we can’t just call people what they are) sitting around a table, forced to make small talk and participate in fakey fake team-building exercises that no one truly enjoys, and then one or two people end up doing any real work. It’s sad. I’m so happy and grateful to be a one man show.

I’m going to do a whole article on why the team thing doesn’t work. I’ve always had problems with it as a sociologist. It looks great on paper, but then you come out here in the real world and well, it looked great on paper.

Photo by Vinta Supply Co. | NYC on Pexels.com

I’m so happy and grateful to be free of “the trudge.” I report to me, on my time, and I love it! I know I say it a lot. Before I started working toward manifesting my dreams, it was a long, slow, painful, miserable, insufferable trudge toward the grave. Every day and night looked the same. Now every day- Every. Single. Day. is an adventure! Sometimes it’s just a nap with the cats or sitting on the couch while scarfing junk food and playing video games, but I’m allowed some free time. I’m excited to wake up in the morning. It’s genuine.

Time for my family is very important to me and I am grateful now that I have more of it. I missed out on over a decade with my three older boys while I was working nights. I’m happy to be free to take them to school, pick them up, and just spend some quiet time with them. I see more of my wife now. I’m happy to be supportive on the home front.

Time for my own health and sanity is so amazing now! I suffered so much at my last job, I mean truly suffered, that I put myself back in therapy. I’m still dealing with some psychological junk in the trunk, sure. I still have chronic pain, arthritis, fibromyalgia, and depression issues. Sure. that’s the tired old labels talking. Here’s the kicker- I’m healing. I don’t have to rush out the door after barely having enough time to eat, sleep, shower, and maybe wave at my family on the way by. I’m here to tell you, being free is its own reward.

I get to decide when I eat, work, even nap now. My wife is about the only person who gets to object to anything, and she’s pretty cool about my schedule most days. Thanks, Honey!

It might not make sense to a lot of people. Many do work weird rotating 4 x 12 hour nights or some other freaky calendar nightmare. We can still exchange knowing looks. Working oddball, non-nine-to-five hours really can take a toll on one’s sanity. I’m glad to be free. I’m still and always will be a Nocturnal American, though.

I’m looking at NaNoWriMo next month as a serious possibility. Pretty sure I can hit word counts and page goals per day and then some. It’s just so nice to be able to sit down and work on things without all the pressure. My wife might roll her eyes, but I can make it work. It’s ideal this year, really. You’ll know if I go quiet for all of November.

No longer getting up every day to put money in the pockets of people who don’t care about anyone else.

If I do anything now, it puts money in MY pocket. I love helping people out, sure. That’s what we’re here for. But the thing I’m absolutely loving more than words can tell is that I’m no longer subjected to artificial concepts like sales goals, target savings goals, and other artificial standards that all translate to putting money in some executive’s pockets. Seriously, why bust my hump every night, just so the company I’m working for can outsource everything from custodians to human resources in the name of saving money.

You know who profits from the toils of corporate employees? Corporate executives. These people are no different than anyone else except for the fact that they got a slap on the back and a handshake that put them in a corner office. We no longer live in a world where you work your way to the top from the ground floor. (Not sure if that ever really existed.) These managers and executives don’t care if one of their cubicle inmates works hard or knows what they’re doing. It’s all about the bottom line.

Here’s the kicker- Entrepreneurs worry about their own bottom line. That’s were I am today. That’s the threshold I’m presently standing on. It’s exciting! I’m a writer first and foremost now. The whole profits-before-people thing is dead to me now.

I encourage writers, artists, musicians, dancers and anyone else with a dream to shed the corporate grind and go have a free life. Yes. Be responsible. Take care of yourself and your family first. But beyond that? Please go on out and live your dream life!

Create the life you want to life!

Thank you for being here. Stay safe. See you again soon.

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