Freedom Day! 11th Month Edition

Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.

Captain’s Log. Stardate: 6.19.2022.

Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.

A family of six surviving on one paycheck in this day and age looks pretty grim. Law of Attraction aficionados would say I chose this. Lord knows I have plenty of reasons to be down these days. Guess I’m choosing depression, too. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just bury my head in the sand and just pretend things were going to improve.

Site engagement has been up.

THANK YOU!

One silver lining this month has been engagement on this site. I saw a couple of beautiful spikes in views earlier this month. Wow! If you’re here, thank you! I appreciate you stopping by.

A lot of the feedback I’ve received from sources such as #ttrpg Twitter has been extremely positive. I’m still somewhat new to blogging and it makes my heart flutter a bit when I hear a compliment. Thank you! Of course, more site traffic isn’t a sign of positive or negative opinions, but I’ll take the up-tick in views. Thank you!

Then there’s a ton of stuff that doesn’t make much sense yet.

I regularly mull over what I’m doing right in terms of writing, parenting, husbanding, adulting, etc. There’s never a super clear answer to any of my questions. It’s not like life comes with a user’s manual. Kinda wish it did some days. (Like, the ones ending in “y.”)

I keep wondering about how to best monetize myself in the roleplaying game market. Kickstarter? Patreon? Maybe just put stuff on Ko-Fi? I’m not sure I’m ready for DriveThruRPG just yet. That would require a finished larger product.

Someone recently mentioned trying out Fiverr. (Coming Soon!) I have often considered doing piece work, short articles, and social media posts. The same wonderful person mentioned possibly doing some ghostwriting or editing. Terrifying, which is why I’m looking into it.

Then again, am I really supposed to be in the RPG market at all? What about writing a novel? (Not as easy as it sounds, btw.) What about life coaching? (LOL! Not sure if I should be coaching or finding one.) What about becoming some sort of spiritual teacher? (*Don’t worry. Andey Fellowes and others would talk me down off that ledge.) What about a self help book? (Uh… šŸ˜)

Figured out what I’m not doing.

That list goes on forever. The most obvious ones include finding another dispatching job. No thanks PTSD. Not today.

Scrubbing floors is right out. Even if my back and pain levels could tolerate it, my wife would likely shoot me. The hours for that kind of work are not worth the pay and effort involved.

Iowa Workforce Development. There’s a reason I’m no longer looking for a job in this state. They were more than happy to help as long as I wasn’t neurodivergent, in pain, and happy to throw my college degree out the window. Iowa needs dental hygienists and welders. Just don’t come around here being one of those sinister teacher types. (*Love you, wife.)

I’m too old and out of shape for retail, restaurants, factories, and office jobs. I have too many values and principles to ever do sales, especially over the phone. Call center jobs tend to become very stressful and triggering about five minutes in. I don’t even think Wal Mart would take me as a door greeter at this point.

In fact, screw working for any kind of big company or corporation ever again. Even if all the corporate culture head trash didn’t make me want to vomit, I’m pretty sure any review I receive is going to trigger me all over the place. That’s assuming we get that far. “Let’s have a meeting” would be followed by me coming completely unglued on someone. No thanks.

Bring my Garden Weasel to work day?

A brilliant and beautiful soul put me onto some new avenues of abundance.

Laura is the best!

I can always count on my friend Laura DiBenedetto to set me straight. She recently clued me into a couple of new avenues to abundance. I’m working on it, but it’s taking a little time. More on that as it develops.

I also continue to practice the skills I learned from The Six Habits. Laura’s book legitimately can and will change your life if you work with it. I may still get down sometimes (depression sucks!) but it’s an ongoing process, much like spiritual awakening.

The human brain creates channels of memory like lava carving its way down the side of a volcano. Practice a habit for 21 days and you can change the channel. Brain cells that fire together wire together. Neuroplasticity can modify those channels to improve your life. Look up Hebb’s Law. A constant practice of Kindness, Acceptance, Gratitude, Presence, Goodness and Intention will yield positive results given enough practice.

I’ve been back into the book lately, myself. Sometimes we get out of practice on certain things. It’s good to go back to basics and remember why we came here.

Gratitude is key.

Okay. I’ll buy that one. I’m so happy and grateful I have a roof over my head and a food on my plate. I’m grateful for all of the wonderful things I have in life. I’m grateful for my family’s health. I’m super extra grateful for my wife’s job. I’m super happy and grateful when I find loose change on the street, too. I’m grateful I met Laura, too.

Gonna go off now…

I’d like to say I’m grateful I got canned from that last gig. Look at all the stuff that’s teaching me. I’m grateful to be walking around with not-two-shits to give about anyone working for a large corporation or what they have to say. I’m grateful Iowa Workforce Development was more than happy to help as long as I did exactly what they wanted me to do. I’m extra grateful the government keeps denying my disability because I love being f’kn broke all the time. I’m grateful every time I log into LinkedIn to find out some other scamtastic pile of refuse has viewed my profile, because it reminds me I’m glad I gave up that damn job search crap months ago.

I know I have some things working against me every day.

Silly “Old Grognard” photo

First up, my age. I turn the big 50 in ten days. Even if I wasn’t long in the beard and bald as a cue ball, my birth certificate does not lie. I could shave tomorrow, but I know in my heart of hearts it will do me no good.

But what does that mean? Why is that so bad? Well, first off, employers really don’t want to see me walk in the door because they know I’m old enough not to take any sh*t that they hand out to the younger new guys.

On every given day, especially now that I’m officially “old,” my health comes into question. Which, I know how much they cringe with FMLA comes up. I literally have no choice but to mention it nowadays. I’m happy to be functional three days out of five most of the time.

My back and my pain tolerance make it pretty hard to do a lot of those fun repetitive motion tasks like mopping floors, scrubbing toilets, running a cash register, stocking shelves, standing all day, and a lot of other things y’all youngins take for granted. In fact, writing is one of the few things I can enjoy doing while sitting down from the comfort of my couch. (Too bad it doesn’t pay better, but we’re working on it.)

As bitterly annoyed as I am becoming toward certain entities, one fact remains prevalent.

No clue wtf I’m doing any more.

I have a family to take care of. That hurts on so many levels I can’t even describe them all. I’m very grateful my wife is taking care of all of us. That’s super.

Sorry, kids. Dad’s kind of a deadbeat. Seriously, I know how it looks. I wish I could provide more. I so desperately want to give more financially. And I live here. Your mom and I are still married somehow.

So, yeah. 11 months into this sh*tshow and I still have more questions than answers. I’m still wrestling with finding myself, accepting my own inadequacies, and fumbling around with what to do. I’m still unable to rub two shince together and have not two sh*ts left to give some days. Improvements are hopefully on the way soon.

Thanks for being here, one and all. I would have liked to have glowing things to say, but it’s been another r month. Onward and upward, I suppose.


Freedom Day: May 19th Edition.

What’s the lesson? What’s this trying to teach me? I mean, I’m trying to to wrap my head around a lot of this even now.

Personal Share.

Sigh. It’s the classic best-of-times, worst-of-times scenario. Getting canned from a place where I was miserable might have been better for them than me? Maybe? The verdict is still out on this one. (*Note, I have to tread very carefully with this topic. Certain folk might still be creepin on my socials and here.)

Spiritually, it’s all about the silver lining. What’s the lesson? What’s this trying to teach me? I mean, I’m trying to to wrap my head around a lot of this even now. I’ve done a lot of processing, or at least I’d like to think I have.

Here’s my question: Who’s teaching this class, anyway?

I love Eckhart, believe me.

The very spiritually correct answer is the Universe/Source/God. I’m not trying to force any of this concept on anyone. Take from it what you will. I’m no Eckhart Tolle and my connection with the Divine might not be quite as strong these days? Sorry. That escalated quickly. (*Much like I occasionally poke at Matt Mercer, I seriously doubt Eckhart or his people read my blog.)

If we’re the creator and the creation at the same time, why do we make things hard for ourselves? This question has been relevant for centuries, maybe longer. Sadly, I don’t even have it that bad! Basic human needs met in this 3D lifetime? Check. Anything beyond that? Still working on it.

If you want to stretch the bounds of spirituality a bit, it’s actually me teaching me or my higher self teaching me. And then so on and so forth up the multidimensional food chain all the way to Source. That’s kind of a trippy concept. What? I can’t give myself the proverbial Cliffsnotes?

Karmically, how many times does one have to go through the wringer before we move on?

Early Iron by Maigheach-gheal is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0
This is a wringer for those wondering.

I seem to remember someone saying situations would be repeated until a specific lesson is learned. Now, clothes used to go through the wringer a few times to help them dry, but there came a point where it wasn’t doing any good. So I have to ask, if I continue to flunk the same lesson, do I still get to, uh, “graduate?” Is “graduation” day when we die or the next proverbial day when we get to go answer for everything? The deeper one reaches, the more questions come up to be answered.

My dear old Dad used to say, “It never gets any easier, does it?” The older I get, the more I really understand the question. Not sure I have any more answers than I did when I was 17, but at least I get the question from multiple angles.

Every answer leads to more questions. Some questions are more of a struggle to figure out than others. Sometimes we struggle like crazy just to come full circle to the simplest answer possible. We overlook simple answers due to their lack of complexity. As my good friend Jake once said, “If it was simple, we wouldn’t be here.”

People say I spend too much time in my head and I overthink things. Yeah. I probably do. Then again, I believe anything worth doing is worth the effort. The details are important. If I’m worried and giving something a lot of thought, it’s a sign that I care.

One of my favorite teachers often reminds us that we’re already there.

Anna Brown, who claims to not be a spiritual teacher, but quite often speaks the truth about all things spiritual, really gets it in my opinion. You are already that which you are seeking. There are no answers to search for because you already possess the knowledge. Basically, stop trying to dig philosophically so much because you can just live.

Only, I’m stick-stone-stubborn as hell. I refuse to give up. I refuse to stop beating my head on the metaphysical wall. What the heck am I doing here if not to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing here? I love chasing my tail!

Back to the metaphysical drawing board this month.

I started watching a skeptic named Andey Fellowes on YouTube recently. Please don’t think I’m abandoning my views on spirituality or any of my beliefs. However, some of what Andey has to say does ring a bell. He gets very honest and critical about certain popular spiritual and Law of Attraction teachers and what they’re saying. Honestly, I’ve had some of the same experiences. He’s right about a good number of things.

I’m still kind of a “New Age” guy, though. I’m not changing everything about myself to become an atheist or a former “New Ager” as they are called. I don’t troll Andey, either. In fact, if love and light is your jam, there’s no point in trolling anyone, ever. Especially not someone who is speaking out against your long-held beliefs.

All of that having been said, I’m going back to my spiritual roots through the end of June. I am thoroughly examining what my goals in life are. I’m going to ask myself what I intend to manifest. I’m going to give a lot of mental effort over to changing beliefs that aren’t working for me. My overall goal is to hone the habits that will get me to a better place in life yet. It’s time to get off the struggle bus and find some joy again.

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you. Have a wonderful day wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.

Freedom Day! 9 Month Edition.

I started thinking today. What am I dreaming about now? What is my intention? What do I want to manifest next? I realized I literally don’t have an answer yet.

People have conceived and had babies in the amount of time I’ve been out of work.

Personal share, of course. I was canned on July 19th, 2021. I can’t say who or why, only that it happened. Gotta love NDAs and Severance agreements. It’s been a blessing with a few bumps in the road.

I have applied for numerous jobs and been shot down cold. No interviews. Not even an email thanking me for applying in many cases. I finally stopped applying. I don’t miss it for one second.

Unemployment ran dry. Disability may or may not ever happen. I’m just kinda floating right now. My wife’s income takes care of the bills. Hooray for that. The kids are taken care-of at least.

I tried my hand at freelance writing. All it did was ramp up my anxiety and depression more until I was barely functioning. It wasn’t due to any pressure from the publisher. I just can’t seem to reach a point where criticism, especially of something I hold very dear (writing) is going to be okay.

Here’s the part where I’m supposed to say something super positive, right?

Yeah… screw that noise.

Spiritually, it’s been a learning experience. I freely admit I manifested this kinda weird state of affairs into my own life to learn and grow from it. Hindsight being what it is and all, I guess it’s teaching me something.

I was put here to experience life in my physical form. Okay. I get that part.

We bring about what we put into intention and emotion. I get that, sorta. Somewhere along the way I maybe fouled up on that one. My intention was always freedom. (Loving my freedom from the grind, btw.) My emotions may have been skewed a few times, which I believe has led the Universe to test me even more. Am I really bound for greatness?

New day, new intentions.

I started thinking today. What am I dreaming about now? What is my intention? What do I want to manifest next? I realized I literally don’t have an answer yet.

I know what I’d like to see, obviously, in terms of my family’s well being. But for myself? That’s a bit tougher. I’ve been kind of circling the drain, as a friend pointed out a couple of months ago.

Since then I’ve been doing a little better mentally, I guess. I’ve had to come to terms with where I’m at in life and where I’m headed. Accepting where I am now and the way things are has been a big pill to swallow.

My bags were pretty much all packed when…

2020 Spring Break lasted most of a year. The Icky Cough-Coughs happened and shut the whole planet down. It’s kinda hard to abandon ship in the middle of a pandemic. Although much like my untimely firing, it has turned out to be more a blessing than a curse.

I just need to unpack and move back into my man cave. Spring cleaning this year is going to be arduous at best. It will be sort of nice to have everything back out where I can find it readily again, though. I’m staying for the long term now.

Time to start dreaming again.

You always hear stories in Law of Attraction circles about someone who quit their job, dropped out of mainstream society, started a YouTube channel and is now a millionaire. All through the “magic” of LoA manifestation. Another one of my favorites wrote a bestseller, started his own company and is now a millionaire. In the end, I think that’s kind of my dream, too.

I hear you’re never too old, stupid, or inept to start fresh on the road to a million dollars. There’s only one slight catch that’s been bugging me from Day ONE of my manifestation journey- What in the Actual HELL am I supposed to sell, produce, or show that’s going to make me money? No one ever has an answer.

Honest disclosure- I’m not making a single dime off of this website currently.

I love writing. But I’m doing it all for me. It’s keeping me out of the nut farm most days. It’s not concrete enough for my wife, and as such there might be some pretty ugly changes on the horizon. I dunno.

So, the first dream, and maybe all there is, I just want to write. I want to share my kooky ideas about role playing games, UFOs, ETs, Spirituality, LoA, and a lot of other stuff to a willing and kind audience.

I intend to manifest enough to keep the site up, make my wife happy, help the kids out, and maybe buy a few books to help my fellow creators out. It’s not a huge financial goal, but it’s a plausible start.

In the end, it’s all about happiness. If a couple of articles per day keeps me going through the other stuff, cool. That’s what I intend to do. If one of my writing projects stumbles into a paid product, all the better.

Thank you for being here. I love you and appreciate you as always. Have a great weekend.

March 19th. Freedom Day Again.

I’m working on myself today. Tiny steps. It’s not easy. Looks easy on paper, but…

Personal Share: Circling the drain.

As you may have already guessed, I’m going to get a bit vulnerable in this particular article. Not gonna lie, it’s been a rough couple of months for me. As a trusted friend pointed out, I seem to be “swirling the drain.” She’s right without knowing how dark it really has gotten. This is harder than I thought it was going to be and is probably going to turn into a whole series.

A well known Law of Attraction guru whom I have never met in person once said, “Once you overcome the fear of dying, what’s left?”

*Disclaimer: Do not taunt bears or go skydiving with lit dynamite. Also, juggling chainsaws is right out. Do not try dangerous stuff at home based on what some internet goob said. That is not what we’re talking about.*

He was poking for the obvious answer of there’s literally nothing to be afraid of. Start a new job and get fired in the first 10 minutes? Why not? Talk mad smack about the government on social media? What’s going to happen? Who cares? Become a millionaire overnight? F*ck yeah! Why be afraid?

Not trying to sell anyone’s program, just thinking out loud.

There is a very valid point about not being afraid to fail or succeed. When there’s nowhere else to go- look up. As people, one has the capability of lifting oneself up. The opposite stands true as well. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy.

It’s better to suffer the slings and arrows of grievous misfortune than to be afraid of trying in the first place. Truly it is one of the easiest damn things ever to say. I get it. I’ve been at this for a while now with self help, LoA, and the whole spiritual awakening show. Saying is easy. Doing, on the other hand…

There’s always a choice.

This is way tougher than I thought it was going to be and I’ll definitely be continuing this conversation in future articles.

We choose our actions in any given moment. Every sentence, heck- every word is a choice. We get to set our intentions with every choice big or small. Whether it’s make a cup of coffee or move to Alaska, everything boils down to a choice. Then the real, heavy, stubborn world kicks in and reminds us that all of our actions have consequences and our decisions have far reaching ramifications sometimes. (Which is why no chainsaw juggling or moving to Alaska for me.)

Here’s where I’m struggling:

I’d like to choose that victim role every day but… My choices roundabout got me here. I can choose better. I can choose smarter. I know this now. Maybe I’ve always known and I’m just now remembering, but that’s another story.

I choose to sit on the couch wallowing in misery and self pity. I’m choosing to be effectively crippled by self doubt and anxiety. I’ve chosen to let depression basically kick my ass all over the place.

Fear and anxiety (which is like, more fear) have basically been holding me back for a few months now. Today I’m choosing to start taking those very small steps toward recovery. My physical condition might still slow me down for now, but I’m going to get my mental, emotional and spiritual health in order.

Tiny steps. “Lean into the suck.”

The same wonderful friend that leveled with me about swirling the drain once said to “Lean into the suck.” I have always loved that phrase because it describes walking home in January Iowa weather perfectly. I literally used to walk or bike everywhere all year round.

It’s true of life, too. Sometimes things get bumpy. Those consequences and ramifications come back around like an exploding boomerang. The solution is to just keep on plowing through it all. It’s tough going, but no one is expecting everything to be done overnight.

I’m taking some pretty small steps. I’m choosing to improve my situation as opposed to choosing to binge on another Netflix series. Today I finish one more project on my to-do list than I did yesterday. One small step forward every day. One small victory building toward the next and so on.

I may not get it all figured out by the 19th of April, but I’m choosing to keep going. I’m determined to move toward abundance and away from lack. I’m determined not to become a permanent resident of my couch. I’m resolute that anxiety and depression do not own me. I intend to take more chances and try new things.

Thanks for being here on this journey with me. More to come on this topic. Take care. Have a lovely weekend.

Praying for Ukraine Right Now.

I’m very sad for humanity right now. The US is proving to be morally and ethically bankrupt from within. Now Russia has started hostilities in the Ukraine. Can we please leave a world where we can tell our children we did the right thing?

Here’s an article I would have rather not written.

Praying for our planet tonight.

I’m sad for humanity tonight. We might well be on the path to our own extinction. Why? What’s it all for?

I don’t want to hear whatever cockamamie story the mass news and propaganda outlets cooked up this time. Seriously, we fended off WW3 this long. Why now? What’s the point?

Not that either will read it, but-

Dear Mr Putin,

Please come up with a reason to have a lasting peace. Please, pull back your troops. No reasons needed. No blame. Stand down. Stop the insanity before we all lose. Please prevent further bloodshed. It’s not too late.

Dear President Biden,

Please stop whatever plans you have that may lead to an extinction level event on our planet now, while you still can. It’s okay to declare peace. Fewer people are likely to die from it, and you’ll still save face in the end. Do it for our children and grandchildren. Leave them a world to inherit.

Thank you.

As the world may not exist this time tomorrow, I love you. It’s been fun.

And if I’m wrong, then I’ll be back with all kinds of fun stuff for roleplaying games. Seriously, boardgames, roleplaying games and miniatures wargames are fictional. For the love of God, can we please just keep the fighting on the table with dice and miniatures?

I appreciate all of you. Thank you!

I should say it more.

Please Pray for Immediate, Lasting Peace!

Thank you. Namaste

Freedom Day! February 2020 v2.0 Edition

It’s going to get better. One of the toughest lessons in Law of Attraction is learning when the Universe is testing us. Also, learning from past experiences that keep repeating themselves is important. The Universe likes to ask, “Are you sure? Are you really ready for this awesomesauce thing you’ve been manifesting?”

I only wish I was kidding.

No surprises, really.

Remember the year 2020? Have any of us forgotten it yet? So far, this year is starting to remind me of 2020 in all of its shitastic glory.

I’ve reviewed, revised and rewritten this site. That’s as close to a breakthrough as I’ve truly had this year. I feel like we’re connecting more, reaching you, a more receptive audience, and growing together.

Then there’s the rest. The Icky Cough-Coughs came to visit in the middle of January and ate up two weeks of our lives here at the Craigmile house. It was not fun times. All of us came through it okay, which is a huge plus. Just when ya thought you were done with quarantine, though. (Eyeroll.)

The beginning of the year also brought us Governor Kim Reynolds meddling about in Iowa Workforce Development. Iowa has a massive shortage of “skilled” jobs, but nothing requiring a college degree. Nothing like a Bachelor’s degree in two majors just to have IWD tell me they’ll be happy to retrain my fibromyalgia-having ass to become an arc welder or a dental hygienist. (That shit ain’t happening.) But I still persevered through all the added hoops necessary to keep my unemployment check coming.

Then this week, I got shot down for a job I really had my sights set on. That hit right in the old depression, worse than anything in months. While I was recovering from that and a pain flare, I got a love letter in the mail from IWD. My unemployment money is due to peter out this week. We knew this day would come, but it doesn’t take the sting out of it.

Plus a lot of little things keep popping up like the kids’ grades. Minor household disasters are one of the latest things on the shit list. (Okay, a chunk of our garage literally fell off the other day.) Just for fun, I accidentally chipped a tooth the other day, too. One of these days my student loans are going to come due.

Let’s not forget it’s also an election year. Russia and the US are doing their damnedest to not go to war with one another or however that works. Let’s not forget the trucking, uh disaster, in Canada. The mass news media has more garbage and propaganda than ever to spew. I wasn’t even going to touch on this, but it does come up around here occasionally. Every once in a while my wife also goes rant mode over something a school board does any given place in the US. This whole book banning/burning thing makes me ill.

Chillin. Waitin for things to improve.

It’s going to get better. One of the toughest lessons in Law of Attraction is learning when the Universe is testing us. Also, learning from past experiences that keep repeating themselves is important. The Universe likes to ask, “Are you sure? Are you really ready for this awesomesauce thing you’ve been manifesting?”

My answer is always, “Give me a couple million dollars and let’s find out, okay?”

Hasn’t happened yet, but any day now. Right? (Nervous chuckle.) Until it does, or something equally wonderful, I have gratitude for the blessings in my life. I am grateful for new friends, especially on #TTRPGTwitter. I’m also grateful for my Earthly teachers new and old. I’m grateful for the wealth and prosperity that flows into our lives easily, endlessly and copiously every day. It’s the whole notion of living in the dream fulfilled.

The dream shifts and evolves.

Maybe this is why my vision board is not posted anywhere but in my head and on the internet. My big dream is to be a successful RPG writer/game designer. I intend for my kids to be well taken care-of. I want my wife to be happy. I’m pretty satisfied as long as all of that is in motion.

Would I love to be rich? Sure. Am I focused on being happy regardless? Yeah. Most days. Growing beyond contentment into joy is the pinnacle of high vibrations. As we all know from LoA, high vibration pulls us closer to manifesting our highest and best intentions.

I appreciate all of you. Thank you for sharing this space. More to come.

Freedom Day! Sixth Month Edition.

Getting fired from a job I was really starting to despise was practically a relief. Every month I celebrate my personal freedom. I am so happy and grateful for all of life’s experiences.

I’ve been at this since July 19, 2021.

Since then, I’ve had many wonderful, warm, happy, spiritual experiences. It’s been mostly peaceful, downright pleasant. About the only downside has been the change in stable income. I went from a level I was very comfortable with to, uh… yeah. Still working on that one. But it’s all good.

I will say I don’t miss the grind. We’re getting by okay on one income. The bills are covered. Personally, I’m working on some writing projects and looking for writing jobs so I can pass the goodness onto my friends in the TTRPG community and elsewhere.

There are literally no regrets otherwise. All the crapola that came with that job otherwise? They can keep it. I wish I could say more, but I don’t feel like getting sued. I am a big believer in karma, though.

It was never exactly the plan I intended.

I really mean it. Please take care of your needs and those of your loved ones.

My intentions looked a lot different originally. I intended to be wealthy with a steady enough stream of income to retire somewhere in the Pacific Northwest US and never effectively be heard from again aside from social media and my written work and YouTube. (I still intend to retire to a quiet cabin next to a lake some day.) That was mid-2019, before everything totally went to pieces worldwide.

Needless to say the lockdowns/quarantines from COVID brought us closer as a family. I’m pretty happy being around my family these days. My wife has been extremely loving and understanding about the whole unemployment thing so far. Lord knows I’ve dated women before her that would have kicked me to the curb a lot sooner. Yes, the kids still tend to drive me a little batty, much like any parent, but I love them to pieces.

I originally intended to fulfill a more spiritual mission as it related to Ufology. I wanted to bridge the gap between the nuts-and-bolts ufologists and the more spiritual side of Ufology. While it may happen some day, it probably won’t be me that gets it done. Too many people have too much to lose to give up their stream of income and jaded opinions to cross over to the other side of the fence in both communities. I have more love than ever for the Experiencer community, though.

Mental Health Matters!

Therapy. Needed. Badly…

I remember that night six months ago. They met me at the door and pulled me into a side office. I knew instantly what was going down, reaffirmed by the contents of my desk sitting in a box on the table. I think we’ve all seen this before. All the specifics are kind of a blur because our mind seeks to protect us from pain/trauma. I wasn’t especially hurt or angry. More like slightly annoyed and disappointed.

Really the biggest question in my mind was what to tell the kids. My wife had often said the writing was on the Jumbotron and that it was no real surprise. Yet, my number one biggest concern was for her and the kids.

You know what? It turns out that my loving wife sees me as more than a paycheck. She totally shattered that misconception when she touched my arm and told me it was going to be okay. Not gonna lie, I cried a little over that.

Yes, I’ve had bouts of depression and anxiety since. It happens. It’s normal for many of us, despite the social stigma attached to it. “Cheer up,” and “Don’t worry,” don’t magically make depression and anxiety go away. Honest. Unemployment has done wonders for my anxiety, though. There’s less to worry about when I’m home all day with the cats and no shitz to give otherwise.

My inner critic calls me everything from “deadbeat” to “freeloading loser.”

To him, I say, “Go fly a kite. Soaked in gasoline. In Hell. Don’t care.”

You might have guessed by now that I still need therapy. I’m still in therapy. I was going back to my therapist before they canned me because things had gotten pretty grim mental health wise, anyway. Truthfully, I was pretty relieved not having to go back to that place.

Who knows? Another six months of therapy might even see me wanting to be around people again. I might even go see if I can get hired as a door greeter at the local Wally World. Between my physical and mental health, we know for sure there are certain jobs I won’t touch ever again.

At least I can proudly say my mental health is improving. I know there are a lot of people quitting their jobs right now because they’re tired of the crap. Love them. They’re doing the right thing for it. Employers need to learn what they can’t get away with if they want to retain people. You know what’s truly crazy? Working somewhere that pays less than what one is worth, for long hours, crappy benefits, and harsh criticism.

That’s probably the thing that drove me into therapy the most. It’s one thing to criticize someone’s job performance in the name of improving the company. I get that. But when they literally tell you to internalize that they think you’re less than mediocre? Another reason for me to NEVER set foot in an office environment again. Sorry, I just don’t have the personal resources to handle that. Again, I believe in karma.

I got the boot a couple of weeks after that total downer of a review. No surprise, really. Just annoying. Treat people the way you would want them to treat you. And middle finger on each hand up to corporate America for some of their contrary values.

I am a spiritual being having a physical experience. When I’m not afraid to die, I’m not afraid of anything that can be said to me. However, I still have feelings and free will. Luckily, I choose in every now moment to stay calm, forgive, and remember we’re all here on the Earth plane to have these types of (crappy) experiences. Some day I’ll tell you what all I’ve learned. LOL!

Not a millionaire yet. Just going for joy.

Time to get creative!

I’m not going to do the whole sappy happiness-over-money bit. Money serves a very important function in society. It buys me a lot of things that brings joy, plus it helps people. I love wealth and prosperity. I admire people who have more than I do. Sure. Why begrudge anyone their happiness and prosperity? We should all be so fortunate.

That all said, I can write for enjoyment. I’m not fighting through the chronic pain every day to crawl into work just to be miserable some more. (God/Source/Universe bless you if you do.) I don’t have an overzealous middle management supervisor breathing down my neck and I’m not just a meaningless cog in the corporate machine any more. Years of stress and not taking care of myself in the name of the almighty dollar left me with a wrecked body and tons of pain. Please, do yourself a favor and take care of you, too.

Now, I’m waiting for the good graces of government and/or a remote job to come through. Otherwise, I’m writing for fun and ttrpg money. I’m going to stamp my own personal NaNoWriMo on a month coming up assuming everyone is healthy (and nothing else is going on) to knock out my first actual novel.

What’s all this TTRPG business about?

DMSGuild.com Just one of the places I want to get published.

For those unfamiliar with the term, TTRPG stands for Table Top Role Playing Game. Some would recognize Dungeons & Dragons as probably the most popular ttrpg on the market today. Of course there are literally hundreds of ttrpgs out there in the world in every genre imaginable with as many systems as one would care to learn.

I discovered a very warm, very welcoming #ttrpg community on Twitter a few months ago after the AƱjali fracas left a very bad taste in my mouth. My new online friends have helped me realize that running, writing, and discussing roleplaying games truly does make me happy. Remember that whole joy thing? Yeah. That’s my joy.

Plus, having all this time off because employers want to hire me about as bad as I want to work for some of them has given me a lot of time to learn interesting new skills and embrace old ones. I’m getting back into blogging, web design, and social media a bit. Maybe I’ll even do some freelance work along those lines eventually.

I’m looking at dropping some of my own written ttrpg work onto DriveThruRPG, the DMSGuild and possibly starting something on Itch.IO going forward along with some freelance writing jobs in the industry. I’m aspiring for that electrum best seller spot on OneBookShelf.com on at least one of their affiliate sites. Years of being turned down by game companies have taught me the best way into the industry is to just do the darn thing and publish it myself.

This year is looking up so far. Yes, steady income is cool and all, but doing something I love to the point where it is almost indistinguishable from daily living is priceless. Plus I have more family time than ever, which has been nice.

That’s why my blog has mostly changed. I’m still dropping some spiritual stuff here and there along with my personal shares. Mostly, my goal is to post about that which really lights me up now or things I’m passionate about one way or the other. This might be the last Freedom Day update for a while. I’ll keep everyone posted if things change.

If you want to help out and keep this blog going, please consider a donation on Ko-Fi.

Already?!?

God bless my wife for keeping the family going. Thank you, Heather, if you see this, for putting up with my antics for this long. You deserve a medal.

It’s the 19th already?!? Where does the time go?

This might be my last post on this blog. I haven’t fully decided yet. I guess I’ll let you know. It’s Freedom Day for me. It’s been four months since I had a “real” job.

God bless my wife for keeping the family going. Thank you, Heather, if you see this, for putting up with my antics for this long. You deserve a medal.

Time to get a little more vulnerable than usual. It’s been a rough month for me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Let me try to put this together in a way that will make sense. Please pardon my ramble in advance.

To the handful of people that read this, I thank you. You are truly appreciated.

Me.

This blog has been a kind of learning lab for me. Figuring out what to do, what not to do, and what all is possible. It’s been a labor of love. But I’m here to tell ya, family- this last month has really made me question a good number of things in my life.

First setback of the month was:

Let’s start at the top with the AƱjali debacle. She announced that the Mojave expedition is permanently on hold due to the health concerns of the man who owns the land that the tunnel to the underground base sits on. It was a huge disappointment for some and an even bigger I-told-ya-so for the asinine turds of #ufotwitter. I guess yay for them, but it’s a huge setback for some of us.

It’s big old double whammy for those of us in the UFO and Spiritual communities. I mean I’ve been called a “New Ager woo-woo freak” by the nuts-and-bolts guys before because I’m spiritually active and listen to channelers, CE-5, meditate regularly, and so on. I really think someone should unite the communities. AƱjali could have been that link, but too many people were protecting their vested interests and cash cows to listen. So, any credibility some of us freaks had in the UFO world is more disrupted than ever. ETs could land on my front lawn complete with video and #ufotwitter would say it was fake.

AƱjali wasn’t necessarily the great white hope. We knew there was a possibility that she could be involved in a psyop to discredit, dismantle, and disrupt both the Ufology and spiritual communities. Personally, I don’t think she is, but I acknowledge that it’s possible. Then again, Lue Elizondo could be doing the same thing and there are plenty of people eating right out of his proverbial hands, too. I’ve said on Twitter and elsewhere that AƱjali should have gone to the experiencer/contactee or spiritual channeling communities with her information instead of UFO (a$$holes) Twitter. But hey, like so many others, she shut me down and refuses to answer my Direct Messages. Again, the skeptic in me sees a false flag operation, but who knows…

It was NaNoWriMo Month again, too.

I’m unemployed. Technically every month could/should be NaNoWriMo. Family support is important if you intend to bang out an entire book in one month. I have five other people and three cats that all need love and attention on any given day so it just didn’t come together. I may actually start a novel yet this month, but there’s no pressure, no writing buddies, or any of the usual NaNo flair. It’ll be okay.

Found me a new community.

My English teachers and editors would be losing their ever loving minds over that header, but whatever. I have gone back into my #ttrpg roots, and that may be what this blog changes over to soon. Again, I guess we’ll see. I kinda like having a place for personal shares, but I have only this humble paid-for space and I would really love the Premium package for my gaming ventures. TTRPG stands for TableTop RolePlaying Games, for those who don’t know.

So, yeah, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a huge Dungeons and Dragons fan and have been pretty much my whole life. I started gaming back in the early 1980’s and have been at it for almost 40 years. But it’s always been a hobby and a writing venture. I have yet to sell anything in the industry. I’ve worked in game stores. I’ve sold a lot of games over the years. But, always a bridesmaid, so to speak.

That brings us to the next point.

I’ve had to spend lots of meaningful time with my friends at Iowa Workforce Development this month to ensure my unemployment check didn’t get cut off completely. I’ve gotten to attend all kinds of fun meetings to make sure I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I guess that’s what they get paid the big bucks for, but at the same time, they’re not actually doing anything for me, aside from my unemployment check.

I also got an anonymous message from a former co-worker with a juicy tidbit that confirmed some of my suspicions. I wish I could say a LOT more without jeopardizing my severance and NDAs, but I can’t. Somebody should, though. To quote the Matrix, Cypher told Morpheus “If you’d told us the truth,Ā we would’ve told you to shove that red pill right up your ass.” That’s true of my severance package, but my family needed the money, so it’s a tough choice and I ultimately made the right decision.

That said, my job search has thus far been a running joke with me. Honestly, if I never work a “real job” again, it’ll be too soon. I like being my own boss, setting my own hours, and giving myself a pat on the back for being my employee of the month. Unfortunately, IWD has a hard time seeing this. They have an obvious agenda. I’m not part of that equation.

They told us in one of their little “classes” that they want people to fill what they refer to as the “middle skills” roles. In other words, they want people who have completed high school, but haven’t been to college. They want dental hygienists, welders, truck drivers and nurses. Do I fit that description? Hell no! Do I want to take a pay cut and do something I’m going to be absolutely miserable doing? F*ck No!!! I will literally embrace homelessness for myself (and only myself) before I will ever go back to the 9-5 grind doing something just for the sake of doing it.

And they keep trying to tell us “Oh, it’s so meaningful. So many people find their life purpose doing this…” No. No, people really don’t find it meaningful or fulfilling. In fact, it makes me sick to my stomach to hear the IWD people rattle on about fulfilling it is to sleep, eat, work, repeat and how everything else is just a fun hobby. Again, I get that it’s what they’re paid to do, but it’s not an enlightened, spiritually aware thing to do.

My whole resume is disgustingly full of the kinds of jobs they’re talking about. No offense to anyone, but I think I’d rather die than go back to just about any of those jobs. The pay is mediocre. The hours are long and unfulfilling. There is no appreciation from management most of the time. The benefits are crappy. Worst of all, my health will not support that kind of work ever again in an office or any other environment.

Lol! This is getting long. To be continued…

Oh Freedom Day!

I AM realistic. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!

I’ve been liberated from the grind of 12 hour work days for three months!

I want to preface this with the thought: Be responsible! Don’t do anything rash on account of what somebody on the Internet said. I wouldn’t be here right now were it not for the kindness and understanding of my family. For that I am extremely grateful.

If you’re working hard to keep food on the table, keep going. You got this!

Things I’m grateful for since freedom came to me:

  • I’m my own boss and my own employee of the month.
  • Freedom from McCorporate Team environment.
  • The slow 12 hour workday trudge to the grave is no more.
  • Time for my family.
  • Time for my own health and sanity.
  • Setting my own schedule.
  • Deciding my own fate over putting money in their pockets.

Hallelujah! I am so happy and grateful to be free on this day! This is proof that the Law of Attraction really does work. It’s not always easy or painless, but it does come together in its own special way. We live in a benevolent Universe. I believe in good things and they are there for me. I AM realistic. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!

I’ve worked toward manifesting this moment right here, right now. I’m my own boss, working my own hours, reporting to me. I’m my own employee of the month. This guy is truly moving onward and upward. I give me all kinds of praise and good reviews. Gotta keep that vibration up, though.

My Chairman of the Board. Taken from my mobile office/studio. I love this guy!

I’m so happy and grateful to be free from the corporate environment. If that’s your thing, great. You do that. Me? I’m my own boss. Technically still unemployed by the current socioeconomic cultural matrix standards, but that’s their label, not mine. I find things that are awesome about me.

It’s like finding inner peace on a whole new level. I set my own standards for success. I’m happy being me. It’s beautiful. There’s no one breathing down my neck. There are no performance “SMART” goals. No upper-middle-lower management clowns to bug me. No one setting standards they can’t meet themselves. My life is beautiful now that the greasy corporate mentality is all washed out of my system. I only get on my own case if I need to, and I’m learning to be more gentle with myself.

Teams? I’m it. It’s just me. The whole corporate team concept is broken. I’ve seen it fall apart or just plain fail for over 20 years now. You have a group of five to ten employees (sorry, “teammates” because we can’t just call people what they are) sitting around a table, forced to make small talk and participate in fakey fake team-building exercises that no one truly enjoys, and then one or two people end up doing any real work. It’s sad. I’m so happy and grateful to be a one man show.

I’m going to do a whole article on why the team thing doesn’t work. I’ve always had problems with it as a sociologist. It looks great on paper, but then you come out here in the real world and well, it looked great on paper.

Photo by Vinta Supply Co. | NYC on Pexels.com

I’m so happy and grateful to be free of “the trudge.” I report to me, on my time, and I love it! I know I say it a lot. Before I started working toward manifesting my dreams, it was a long, slow, painful, miserable, insufferable trudge toward the grave. Every day and night looked the same. Now every day- Every. Single. Day. is an adventure! Sometimes it’s just a nap with the cats or sitting on the couch while scarfing junk food and playing video games, but I’m allowed some free time. I’m excited to wake up in the morning. It’s genuine.

Time for my family is very important to me and I am grateful now that I have more of it. I missed out on over a decade with my three older boys while I was working nights. I’m happy to be free to take them to school, pick them up, and just spend some quiet time with them. I see more of my wife now. I’m happy to be supportive on the home front.

Time for my own health and sanity is so amazing now! I suffered so much at my last job, I mean truly suffered, that I put myself back in therapy. I’m still dealing with some psychological junk in the trunk, sure. I still have chronic pain, arthritis, fibromyalgia, and depression issues. Sure. that’s the tired old labels talking. Here’s the kicker- I’m healing. I don’t have to rush out the door after barely having enough time to eat, sleep, shower, and maybe wave at my family on the way by. I’m here to tell you, being free is its own reward.

I get to decide when I eat, work, even nap now. My wife is about the only person who gets to object to anything, and she’s pretty cool about my schedule most days. Thanks, Honey!

It might not make sense to a lot of people. Many do work weird rotating 4 x 12 hour nights or some other freaky calendar nightmare. We can still exchange knowing looks. Working oddball, non-nine-to-five hours really can take a toll on one’s sanity. I’m glad to be free. I’m still and always will be a Nocturnal American, though.

I’m looking at NaNoWriMo next month as a serious possibility. Pretty sure I can hit word counts and page goals per day and then some. It’s just so nice to be able to sit down and work on things without all the pressure. My wife might roll her eyes, but I can make it work. It’s ideal this year, really. You’ll know if I go quiet for all of November.

No longer getting up every day to put money in the pockets of people who don’t care about anyone else.

If I do anything now, it puts money in MY pocket. I love helping people out, sure. That’s what we’re here for. But the thing I’m absolutely loving more than words can tell is that I’m no longer subjected to artificial concepts like sales goals, target savings goals, and other artificial standards that all translate to putting money in some executive’s pockets. Seriously, why bust my hump every night, just so the company I’m working for can outsource everything from custodians to human resources in the name of saving money.

You know who profits from the toils of corporate employees? Corporate executives. These people are no different than anyone else except for the fact that they got a slap on the back and a handshake that put them in a corner office. We no longer live in a world where you work your way to the top from the ground floor. (Not sure if that ever really existed.) These managers and executives don’t care if one of their cubicle inmates works hard or knows what they’re doing. It’s all about the bottom line.

Here’s the kicker- Entrepreneurs worry about their own bottom line. That’s were I am today. That’s the threshold I’m presently standing on. It’s exciting! I’m a writer first and foremost now. The whole profits-before-people thing is dead to me now.

I encourage writers, artists, musicians, dancers and anyone else with a dream to shed the corporate grind and go have a free life. Yes. Be responsible. Take care of yourself and your family first. But beyond that? Please go on out and live your dream life!

Create the life you want to life!

Thank you for being here. Stay safe. See you again soon.

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