Who We Gonna Call?

Last post for January. I managed to squeeze in a random table for DsM RVS.

1d12 agencies the Des Moines Remote Viewing Society can call for backup if needed.

Keeper’s Note: Some of these agencies come at a high price- not usually in cash, but in terms of return favors. And if you have to ask- Yes, it’s really those guys.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to person living or dead on this list is purely unintentional.

Choose one or Roll 1d12 and consult the chart below:

  1. Dr Philately or Dr Franklin at the SCP Foundation Field Office in Nebraska.
  2. Dr Amanda Bronson, Professor of Paranormal Studies, Miskatonic University.
  3. James T Smith, PhD Director or Pacific Northwest Research Studies, WA.
  4. Ivan Markov, University of Moscow. (Actual degree or dept unknown.)
  5. Codename “Sgt Rock.” Dan’s contact at the DIA. (Real name unknown.)
  6. Detective Darren Friendly of the Des Moines Police Department.
  7. Stephanie Kolchak: Des Moines Register *WSFM Desk.
  8. John Smith, frequent caller to late night paranormal radio shows.
  9. “Deep Throat” aka Dan’s Contact in the CIA somewhere.
  10. Lisa Simpson, Department of Homeland Security.
  11. Dr Simon Hanes, Remote Viewing instructor.
  12. Rhonda Jennings, NASA data analyst.

*Weird Science and Frickin Magic. WSFM isn’t just a radio station.
There is no FBI contact listed because Lewis is in the group.
This was done as a random table in the event a lead needs to be generated at random. A couple of these contacts are a built-in plot hook on their own.

Contact lists for Tom and Brenda might be published later. Tom knows a lot of very strange people locally. Brenda knows some pretty far-out individuals from her time as a professional Remote Viewing instructor. Also, having formed as an Internet group initially, everyone in the original DsM RVS knows dozens of people online. Most of Dan’s contacts are around during Des Moines After Dark.

Disclaimer: People and events depicted herein are fictitious and intended for entertainment use only. Any similarity to persons living or deceased is unintentional. There is no Des Moines Remote Viewing Society. This is a work of fiction. No one was harmed in the making of this blog.

d12 Modern Horror Tables.

7. An orange tabby cat, alive, unharmed, healthy. The box is clean and dry on the inside. No return address. No note. Meow.

What’s in the box?

Content Warning: Descriptions of gore. May be traumatic for some readers.

(Today’s random d12 table was suggested by @FreighterOne on Twitter.)

A strange box arrives addressed to one of the characters. What’s inside? Roll 1d12 and consult the table below.

  1. A human head, wrapped in plastic wrap. It’s been in there a while judging by the smell. No note or anything accompanying it.
  2. Completely full of ribbon candy, cinnamon disks, butterscotch lozenges, lemon drops, and other hard candies. A simple handwritten note says, “Enjoy. Don’t get a tummy ache. Watch out for tooth decay.” No signature or return address.
  3. A Blue Yeti Microphone. The address on the box is the character’s name and proper address. The note inside says the mic is a gift to “Night Whispers ASMR,” a popular YouTuber that shares the same real life name as the character. Only when they look on YouTube, there is no such channel.
  4. A 9″x13″x3″ box full of dead bugs. No return address. The note inside is an ad clipped from the newspaper that says, “I baked you a cake.”
  5. A large box full of used cat litter. The return address is Mr Fluffles, Eerie Ohio. The note inside is simply a paw print on a piece of plain white paper.
  6. A small box containing 16 rusty, straight square nails. The return address simply says, “Tombstone.” The note inside the box says, “For your coffin.”
  7. A White Bunny Rabbit- alive, unharmed, healthy. The box is clean and dry on the inside. No return address. No note. Seems unusually observant.
  8. The outside of the box is marked with biohazard warnings. If anyone foolishly opens the box, there is a broken glass container inside. The letter on the inside says, “If this box arrives broken or damaged, go to the nearest hospital immediately. This box contains a parasitic spider carrying a highly contagious necrotic plague. If still healthy after three days, you may leave quarantine. Please return this package to Site 14 as soon as possible.” The return address simply reads “SCP Foundation Site 33.”
  9. A large box containing a bottle of fine wine and a cake that says, “Happy New Year 1953.” The address is correct, but the name is incorrect. The return address is Ferdinand P. Gently, 666 N. Pine Blvd. Eerie, Idaho. Further research indicates Ferdinand passed away from natural causes in 1972. The cake is fresh and edible. (Chocolate slab cake. Quite delicious.) The wine is outstanding, maybe 100 years ole?
  10. Old Christmas ornaments and a string of lights. Return address is S. Klaus. 001 Factory Lane, North Pole. The note inside simply says, “Merry Christmas.”
  11. It contains 4 rings, a dull hunting knife, an old .38 revolver and a severed human hand that matches the character’s DNA. The note inside says, “I told you you’d put an eye out with that thing.” The character’s name and address are also listed as the return address.
  12. What appears to be a small, mummified extraterrestrial being in a strange metal sarcophagus. No note. No return address.

Random messages from beyond the grave.

Roll a d12 and consult the table below for messages caught on EVP or just heard around paranormal activity (“haunted” houses/buildings/etc.)

  1. “Hitler won World War Two.”
  2. “Leave here. Now. Go away.”
  3. “The water is too hot. Turn the faucet off.”
  4. “Where are we?”
  5. “This is Ashtar of the Galactic Command. Stay tuned for and important message.” (Nothing discernable follows.)
  6. “We’re all fine here. How are you?”
  7. “The horses are in the paddock.”
  8. “Look in the old rectory.”
  9. “Grandma. I can’t find Grandma. Where’s my grandma?”
  10. “That darn cat.”
  11. “The Bible was right about it.”
  12. “Come with us. Join us. It’s fun.”

1d12 Minor Magic Items.

Use these 12 items at your own risk. They have not been thoroughly tested.

Compatible with most D20 Fantasy RPGs.

Roll 1d12 and consult the table below:

  1. Bag of Rat. This small pouch contains one fairly large white rat. Only one rat may be summoned per day (Long Rest.) The rat will follow the pouch owner’s commands but will not put itself knowingly in danger.
  2. A small pouch full of pills that grant 60′ Darkvision, also to see into the Ethereal Plane, and mild hallucinations. Darkvision/Ethereal sight last 1d4 hours. Mild hallucinations last 1d6 hours. Roughly 30% of these pills see into the Astral Plane instead.
  3. A collar that turns the wearer into a cocker spaniel puppy when worn. Effect ends when the collar is removed.
  4. Climbing claw. Not enough to scale a wall by itself but provides a +2 (Or 10% Old School) bonus to climbing attempts. Treat as a +1 magical exotic weapon in combat that deals 1d4 damage on a successful hit. Its mate may still be roaming the Material Plane somewhere.
  5. Mijo’s Boots of Jumping: These low cut letter boots with a trademark red swoosh on the side that adds a 6′ vertical leap or an additional 10′ running leap.
  6. Bunny Ears: this very strange headpiece resembles a pair of velvet rabbit ears. They add +2 to perception checks (sound) or (+10% Detect Noise Old School) They move on their own and make the wearer look cute, too.
  7. The Faceplate of Augh! This minor magical metal faceplate fits snugly onto most metal helmets. It’s visage is that of someone screaming in terror or possibly agonizing pain. +1 AC bonus. (Or -1 AC modifier Old School.)
  8. Bottomless Potion of Fizzy Water. This metal test tube style flask is filled with a colorless bubbly liquid with a mild lemon/lime flavor. The liquid can heal 1d4 hp per day (per Long Rest.) May cause drinker to burp a little.
  9. +1 Sharpened Screwdriver. This tool is useable as a large flat screwdriver, chisel, crude lockpick, piton, pry bar or stabby implement. Treated as a +1 dagger for purposes of dealing damage. Will not break if used to pry or chisel.
  10. Camouflage Polish: When applied to metal armor it allows the wearer to move less seen in the shadows. It also acts as a mildly magical sound buffer if applied to jingly chainmail or clanky plate armor. Negates armor stealth penalties for 1 day per application. +2 Stealth (+10% Hide/Sneak Old School.) Bottle contains 1d6 applications when found.
  11. Recurring Beads of Water Droplets: This pearl necklace has three large detachable stones on it. When the command word is spoken, the 3 light blue stones turn into baseball sized balls of ordinary water. The blue stones reform once per day (Once per Long Rest.)
  12. Ring of Splat Falling: This magical ring turns the wearer into a clear black gelatinous ooze on command when falling. The wearer and all worn/carried items will hit the ground with a loud splat but will be unharmed. It will take the user 1d8 minutes (or 1d8 x 10 rounds in combat) to pull themselves back together and become solid again. In goo form, the wearer will be unable to perform any actions or cast any spells until all of the droplets of jelly come together and reform. All of the droplets will try to find the largest mass and come back together. The wearer’s body and items will always be present once reformed.

1d12 Weird Things to Find…

Two random generic dungeon tables.

in Otherwise Empty Dungeon Rooms.

The characters find an empty room or antechamber in the dungeon they are exploring. Roll 1d12 and consult the table below:

  1. The room is actually filled with invisible furniture.
  2. A single copper piece in the center of the room on the floor.
  3. Three candles on a candelabra, lit. They are burnt down at an exact 45 degree angle from one another and never seem to burn down past that point. The candles can be extinguished and relit and will never burn down. Otherwise ordinary…
  4. A humanoid skeleton lies crumpled in the corner. No cause of death is obvious. It has been there a very long time and has no possessions except clothing.
  5. A floor covered in thick dust. there are marks in the dust as if a biped dragged something heavy across the floor into the opposite wall.
  6. A small abandoned campfire, an empty wineskin, and some animal bones.
  7. A table covered with empty liquor bottles. The labels on the glass bottles are strangely printed from another time, possibly another dimension.
  8. A note, sealed with wax, specifically addressed to one of the characters sits just inside the door. It reads, “Turn around and go back out. Don’t ask. It’s just better this way.” How the note got there and why are up to the Game Master.
  9. A mirror hangs down from the ceiling on a wire at exactly head level for the character first viewing it.
  10. An obviously full sack. (See sack contents sub table below.)
  11. A large mural on the wall depicting the empty room, only with a red carpet in the middle of it.
  12. A rope that hangs from the ceiling that rings a bell. What or who the bell summons is a mystery for the Game Master.

Sub Table 1-1: Stuff in the sack.

Roll 1d12 for the sack’s contents.

  1. Full of manure, offal, or poop. (You were warned when you could smell it.)
  2. A humanoid head or skull. No magical properties.
  3. A live snake of the GM’s choosing.
  4. 1d100 x 5 Gold coins.
  5. Solid gold goblet, plate, and dinnerware.
  6. Several ordinary rocks and sand to precisely weigh something down with.
  7. Coiled rope tied up in a ball.
  8. Several pieces of parchment paper and cloth balled up.
  9. Tallow about 10lbs worth. Smelly and gross.
  10. 1d100 x 10 copper coins.
  11. A dozen more sacks. Empty, of course.
  12. Medusa’s head, complete with writhing snake hair.

D12 Dice-o-Nautica US Edition.

Just don’t roll a one. 😛

Roll a d12 to determine which strange place you visit today.

  1. Open Sewage and Manhole Cover Museum in Cape Giradeau, MO.
  2. Middle of nowhere Ohio.
  3. Random grid coordinates of a former town in Utah.
  4. World’s Largest Ball of Twine (One of them) somewhere in Missouri.
  5. The First Sex Shop ever erected in San Francisco, USA.
  6. Grid coordinates of an abandoned shack in New Mexico.
  7. Underneath an old bridge in central Minnesota.
  8. Coordinates in the middle of the Hudson River, New York City.
  9. Reference to a salt mine underneath a small town in Colorado.
  10. Boone, IA. Bring your own trailer. Largest elderly population in Iowa.
  11. A broken down Acme toy factory in Illinois.
  12. An abandoned campsite in Northern California.

Random D12 Table for the Month.

Pretty much all of this has happened at one point or another.

Roll 1d12 and consult the table below to see what went sideways in November this time:

  1. Someone’s sick. Roll on the Disease of the Week Subtable.
  2. Toilet is backed up, leading to bigger plumbing issues.
  3. Distracted by Internet Drama.
  4. Family issues. Drop everything and tend to one family member.
  5. Crippling Depression and Social Anxiety.
  6. Dirty dishes and laundry pile up. It’s like no one heard I was writing this month.
  7. Car problems. Roll a d2. Odd: Mine. Even: Hers.
  8. Bills start piling up. Family tension over money increases.
  9. Kid gets in trouble at school.
  10. Holiday panic. In-Laws might be coming for Thanksgiving.
  11. Red letter pain flare puts me on the couch for three days.
  12. Multiple internet outages and days on the phone with tech support.
Subtable 1-1, Family illnesses.
  1. Icky Cough-Coughs. aka Covid, or the Beer Virus. We live in Iowa. Go figure.
  2. Strep Throat.
  3. Appendicitis.
  4. Strep Throat leading to Tonsilitis.
  5. Ear Infection.
  6. Strep Throat leading into Covid. (Yes, that really happened.)
  7. Pink Eye. (Euww.)
  8. Stomach bug. Everyone roll a Fort Save DC 14. Usually one person makes it.
  9. Food Poisoning. Usually only one person gets sick, but see Stomach Bug.
  10. Big school project requiring adult assistance.
  11. Fever of unknown origin. There’s a fun day in the ER.
  12. Gnarly cold that’s not strep or Covid. It happens.

You Find a +1 Sword, But…

A new 1d12 table of magical swords. Some are cursed, others are just strange. Have fun!

This is a take on the Improv technique of Yes, but…

Roll 1d12 to see what the gods of magic and (mis) fortune have in store for you.

  1. It’s not obviously cursed. It’s still +1 to hit, but on any max damage or critical hit, the sword shatters and can’t be repaired without extreme magic.
  2. It’s a Sword of Magma. It’s a Sword +1 that becomes +3 Flaming when the command word on the hilt is spoken. However, when flaming, the sword begins to emit molten lava until the command word is spoken again. The lava will drip/run back onto the wielder dealing 1d6 fire damage until extinguished or removed. The lava begins to make the blade heavy after 3 rounds granting a cumulative -1 to hit. The lava all magically disappears when the command word is spoken again.
  3. It’s stuck in a large stone. The sword glows of magic. Only the weakest (Lowest Strength, Constitution is the tie-breaker.) member of the party can pull it out. It’s still +1 to hit, +1 damage. IF the wieder’s Strength is below 12, it rises to 12 while the sword is held.
  4. The new owner is permanently attuned to it. It is a permanently cursed sword that will ALWAYS find its way back to its new owner. Only death unlocks the curse. It can be thrown into an active volcano and the next day, it will reappear on the owner’s person or convenient nearby location. Scabbard included.
  5. It can’t decide on a size. When found, it has the hilt of a dagger and a scabbard of a longsword. Any time it is drawn, it changes shape. It can be anything from a dagger to a zweihander (2 Handed/Greatsword.) It shrinks back down to dagger size as soon as the tip of the blade touches the opening of the scabbard again.
  6. It’s super lightweight. The wielder may choose to swing this longsword with Agility (Dexterity) to hit/damage. It also floats on water. It does not have an encumbrance value. It can also be used as an offhand weapon with no penalty.
  7. It’s all good until you try to pick it up. This sword is super heavy regardless of type. It can only be used without penalty by characters of 16 Strength or higher. it is considered unnaturally heavy. Triple encumbrance for the wielder while in its sheath. Non wielders suffer five times the encumbrance of a regular weapon.
  8. It’s really shiny! This is a sword +1, +3 vs Un-dead. It has a permanent Light spell cast upon it and always glows brightly when removed from its sheath.
  9. It’s all good until you say the word engraved into the blade. When invoked, the sword summons a Velociraptor that will immediately attack the closest target. If slain, the raptor can be summoned again the next day. This power can be used 1x/day. The raptor always has max hp. It disappears after 10 rounds or 10 minutes if summoned out of combat and for some reason it doesn’t try to eat the wielder.
  10. The sword hums within 66′ of a demon or demonkin. The closer the demon, the louder the hum becomes. It can’t be silenced by any means. +1/+3 vs Demons.
  11. Its blade is made of solid ice. +1, +3 vs Fire elementals. The sword freezes solid again as soon as the hilt makes contact with the sheath.
  12. It’s a perfectly normal sword. And it will tell you that telepathically. It likes to speak to its new owner a lot. It’s very chatty, in fact. It might have other intelligent weapon properties, maybe? (*It could just be telepathic, too. The final properties are up to the DM/GM/Judge.)
Quick bladed weapon table.

1-2. Dagger
3-5. Shortsword
6-8. Longsword
9. Bastard Sword (Hand-and-a-Half Sword.)
10-11. Two Handed Sword.
12. Polearm (Flamberge, Bardiche, Naginata or some other blade on a pole.)

Bastard Sword (Hand-and-a-Half) deals 1d8 damage wielded one handed and 1d10 damage wielded two handed with no penalties switching between the two. Costs 17 Gold. Must be forged by a master blacksmith and are usually tailored to a specific wielder.

This table is compatible with Dungeon Crawl Classics and can be easily adapted to most Old School Renaissance games with little effort.

Promptober Day 28: Swamp.

D12 Giant nastiness found in a swamp

Horrible, giant, icky things of all sorts live in a swamp. Roll 1d12:

  1. Giant Dragonfly.
  2. Giant Frog.
  3. Giant Mosquitos.
  4. Giant Alligator.
  5. Giant Freshwater Shark
  6. Giant Catfish.
  7. Giant Skunk Ape *Sasquatch
  8. Giant Ghoul.
  9. Giant Hag.
  10. Giant Bats.
  11. Giant Snake.
  12. Swamp Giants.

Promptober Day 14: Potions

D12 Potion Table. But not what you think…

D12 Potion Table. But not what you think…

For Dungeon Crawl Classics or any D20 compatible and #OSR Fantasy RPG.

  1. Healing with double the normal effects, but the character also grows discolored bumps on their skin for 1d8 days afterward.
  2. Shrinking, but the character shrinks begins to recover at a rate of one inch per hour until normal size again.
  3. Etherealness but the imbiber can’t return at will. Potion wears off in 1d24 hours.
  4. Hulking Strength: user doubles their normal damage for 1d7 turns before gaining one level of exhaustion. The exhaustion can be removed by normal means,
  5. Invisibility but the user can be seen in mirrors and mirrored surfaces. Also, duration is 1d14 hours and can no longer be broken at will. All worn/carried items stay visible at all times.
  6. Hallucination: The user thinks all kinds of cool things are happening when really they’re just sitting/standing there drooling on themselves. Lasts 1d12 hours. (Might want to keep an eye on that character.)
  7. Fire Breathing but it only emits from the user’s nose.
  8. Clam Diving: Sort of like a potion of water breathing but only lasts 2d4 rounds.
  9. Spider Climbing but the character sprouts 4 extra legs and two extra sets of eyes for 1d8 hours. Climb speed 40′. Character has a craving for insects.
  10. Troll Growth: The imbiber’s limbs become double normal length with thin, stretched, pale green skin and gnarled, knotted appearance. Hands and feet double in size and grow grotesque blackened nails. The body stays mostly the same. The head and face grow larger and take on the appearance of a troll with green skin, a long nose and black eyes. Character inflicts damage, etc as if they have an 18 Strength. The character also regenerates 1d6 hp per turn and takes on vulnerability to fire. Lasts 1d7 hours.
  11. (Delusional) Treasure Finding: Works as a Potion of Treasure Finding but has a 50% chance of leading the character to a pile of junk or foul smelling offal instead.
  12. Super Duper Healing! Works extremely well. Restores ALL lost hp regardless of damage total. Yes. That’s it.

Monstober Day 8: Swamp

Useful in any fantasy RPG. Characters see 1-12 eerie floating lights or pairs of lights moving around seemingly at random. They appear and disappear, moving through the fog at night. They appear most nights at about the same time and in all types of weather. Roll 1d12 and consult the table below:

Ghost Lights

Useful in any fantasy RPG. Characters see 1-12 eerie floating lights or pairs of lights moving around seemingly at random. They appear and disappear, moving through the fog at night. They appear most nights at about the same time and in all types of weather. Roll 1d12 and consult the table below:

  1. The floating eyes of a vengeful ghost, spectre, or revenant floating over the place where they were made un-dead.
  2. Probably just fireflies and the character’s imagination.
  3. Orbs piloted by tiny extraterrestrial beings.
  4. Ethereal (Wizard) Eyes projected by a nearby coven of hags.
  5. Spirits trying to beckon the characters toward a secret location farther into the swamp.
  6. Very tiny flying fae going about their nightly business in the swamp. Often mistaken for insects.
  7. The floating eyes of the elusive Lantern Crocodile looking for its next meal.
  8. The reflection of magical gems embedded in a magic item under the water reflected off of swamp gas and the water’s surface.
  9. Flying parasites that feed on magic energy.
  10. A semi-permanent illusion left behind years ago to distract onlookers from his lair and business at night.
  11. Will-O-Wisps. (Use the game stats of your choice.)
  12. Moonlight reflecting off of the scales from a nearby dragon or other large beast.
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