Am I Doing This Right?

Still looking for that remote job. Wanna chat over Twitter? Sure. Want to exchange Instagram messages? Great. Message me on LinkedIn? Are you real? Wanna text? How well do I know you? You want to get together in person?!? Uh… Umm… M-maybe next week/month/year/never.

Please bear with me as I’m going to ramble a bit here.

I’ve been debating about posting this for a while now. It’s not entirely an imposter syndrome thing. Sometimes I just wonder if I’m doing things right?

I still have plenty of PTSD around criticism, so I’m not exactly out soliciting opinions of anything I’m doing. My inner critic is enough for me on any given day. I sure as shit never want to set foot in a “real” job ever again. If I can’t work remotely, I ain’t doin it. For the rest, there’s therapy. 😅

Today and several other days, I keep wondering if I’m social media-ing correctly? Is that a thing? I dunno. It is now, I guess.

I mean, I’m not trying to be the popular-est guy ever on social media. I’ve met some very amazing and talented people on Instagram and Twitter both. I truly treasure and appreciate so many of whom I’ve met so far. But am I making an impact? Would they say the same? I’m not entirely sure.

I’m not always getting 100% of the engagement I’m looking for on Twitter and Instagram. At least I’m not fighting/arguing with or getting-trolled-by anyone the majority of the time. That’s good, I guess.

I have a few people on Twitter that I follow who I’m pretty sure don’t recognize me as a follower or just plain don’t care. Lol? I guess invisible and anonymous is okay in some cases. I can still talk mad smack about Matt Mercer and he’ll never know. Bwah haha! (Just kidding.)

Having a life online and having friends out in the physical world are two different things.

Sure, we’d like to believe it’s both. You’ll notice I didn’t say, “the ‘real’ world” because for many, especially the last two years, online relationships are just as real as physical ones.

I have friends that I met, talk to, and hang with online pretty much exclusively. Kinda hard to go to coffee when we’re scattered all over the planet, literally, but we’re friends, regardless. As a big proponent of the Law of Attraction, I would say reality is what you make it.

Even if you have imaginary friends, and you have conversations with them in your head all day, they’re just as real as people you could meet on the street. And because emotion is energy in motion, eventually the Universe would likely pair you up with someone similar to the ones in you imagined along the lines of your vibrational frequency. (Theoretically.) So, no worries there.

I’m still struggling with meeting people out in public.

My therapist is working with me on this. Maybe talking about it helps, I dunno? Truth is, I still don’t want to hang with people out in the physical world. Some days, I don’t even want to leave the house. Hanging out with people in the physical world puts me in a state between panic and anger a lot of times.

Still looking for that remote job. Wanna chat over Twitter? Sure. Want to exchange Instagram messages? Great. Message me on LinkedIn? Are you real? Wanna text? How well do I know you? You want to get together in person?!? Uh… Umm… M-maybe next week/month/year/never.

Maybe I’m happier making friends online? That’s sort of the social media engagement I’d really like. I’ve met some very remarkable people online over the years. That’s a good thing.

Maybe that’s why this format works for me.

I’m okay addressing an audience in writing. It’s cool. I’ll probably never hear from the vast majority of my audience. And that’s okay. We’re cool like that, right?

I’m grateful for you. I appreciate you. Thank you for being here with me in this space. See ya soon.

Near Brush with Imposter Syndrome.

I take my writing very seriously, even for the hobby.

I’m plugging away on my latest sourcebook idea and I started doing a little research in an effort to avoid too much overlap with what others have done and make sure I covered most/all of my bases. I made a discovery that almost derailed the whole project. I froze in my tracks when I noticed a fairly big name in the industry did a sourcebook on almost the exact same topic. The. Exact. Same. Topic.

My thought process spun out for the better part of a week. I didn’t even have the heart to keep going. I was pretty bummed. I mean, who am I to compete with that guy? My book isn’t going to be nearly as cool or sparkly, right?

After agonizing for days over this, (because I take my writing very seriously, even for the hobby,) I finally broke down and spent the two bucks on DMSGuild to pick up a pdf copy of the book. Surprise!

Much to my surprise, it looks nothing like what I’m working on! I was actually kinda shocked that this came from what I consider a leading writer in the industry. I mean, yes, it’s clean, thorough, and well-composed. But it’s way shorter than I expected for the money.

*Side note, I’m not naming names because I don’t want to cause any undue ill will toward this person or sound like I’m trying to brag. He’s got some good stuff. I’m continuing on doing what I know how to do without borrowing a word from it. All’s well.

I learned something today. Actually a few of things, to be honest. First, I do belong in the tabletop RPG industry. This is my jam. Second, there’s more than enough room for newcomers, even at this point in 5E’s development. Third, it’s not a competition. We’re all crazy. Maybe a better way to say that last part would be, there’s plenty of room to stay competitive without stepping on one another’s proverbial toes. It can be done.

So, on that cheerful note, I’m getting back to work. I have tables to craft and flavor text to write. If all goes well, my new sourcebook should be getting uploaded to the DMSGuild in a couple of months. No more brushes with Imposter Syndrome. I promise.

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