Drifting

Stuff happens. Yeah, maybe I “manifested” it. If I did, then I’ll own it. I’m a pro at making mistakes and fixing them. My wife can vouch for that. I have a dishwasher held together with loose screws and zip ties to prove it.

This will be a little different by way of a blog.

Some days…

Hey, it’s my blog. I’m going to be a little vulnerable. I know the mighty “they” say not to do what I’m about to do. They have hundreds or even thousands of followers. They have advertisers, sponsors, and maybe even “real” day jobs. The mythical they say “You shouldn’t post personal stuff on your blog if you’re trying to land a job.”

Well, what do they really know? I’m sitting here, still unemployed. Still trying to land a writing gig or something meaningful. I’m still looking for joy in, uh, well I won’t say all the “wrong” places. More like, I’m looking for joy anywhere I can find it, honestly.

I think some of the LoA gurus get it wrong.

It’s always the mantras of keep smiling, keep your vibration high, and chase away all the negative stuff. You have to clean all the mentally repressed junk in your trunk. You create bad days for yourself, so don’t create bad days for yourself. (That last one’s almost a verbatim quote, btw.)

Stuff happens. Yeah, maybe I “manifested” it. If I did, then I’ll own it. I’m a pro at making mistakes and fixing them. My wife can vouch for that. I have a dishwasher held together with loose screws and zip ties to prove it.

The all-knowing LoA experts will say I’m doing it all wrong. Do I always live in the dream fulfilled? Not necessarily. Do I practice my intentions every day and then forget them? I did that for a couple of years straight. Well, it landed me a third to half of what I wanted. Now I’m backed off from some of those intentions.

Or just have a dream.

I do intend to be prosperous.

Maybe not filthy stinking rich. Money in and of itself is a human construct, not a human value. Yes, I’d love to be a millionaire. But, more importantly, I’d like to make sure all the bills are paid. I’d like to be able to go out and buy that dishwasher that can accommodate a family of six. I’d love to go take a week and hide out in the north woods somewhere with no electricity or WiFi connections. But money only buys things that make me smile.

I think the last two letters in prosperous are the ones that matter. US. If we can’t all be share in the wealth, why are we knocking ourselves out earning it? I mean, I’m not embracing socialism or communism here. I’m just saying I want a flow of steady cash for my family first and foremost. I intend to have the bills paid and food in the fridge. I want to have some fun on the holidays and weekends.

Of course I’m not going about it the way they say to do it.

Them: You gotta get a job and work hard every day.
Me: Nope. Did that shit for 30 years so far and look where that landed me.

Them: You gotta show your employer you want to be there and earn your way to the top.
Me: See also 30+ years of their bullshit. Where did it get me? Hmm…

I’ve watched multiple companies go belly up. I’ve been fired a couple of times from jobs that were going to pieces anyway. I’ve spent countless hours of toil and brain sweat putting more money in other people’s pockets. Where’s that big promotion? Where’s my office? Yup. You guessed it. I’m here on my couch with a bum knee and a bad back.

Them: Don’t chase your dreams. Chase the almighty dollar. Plenty of time for hobbies after you retire.
Me: Screw that. I love my various pastimes now, but I do have a dream. Prosperity is part of that dream.

Them: You’ll never amount to anything. You’re too old, too fat, too poor too… (whatever.)
Me: Raises middle finger. You can say that, but we all know it’s false. I’m going to get where I want to be. I’m grateful for where I am and it’s only getting better.

I’ve kinda had the cruise control on lately.

Thank you!!!

I have you, if you’re here. Thank you. Otherwise, I have this lovely space in which to vent all sorts of things. I mean, why make my therapist do all the work, right?

I know a lot of folks probably read my blog because they’re “checking my socials.” Many are either potential employers making sure I’m not some subversive, conspiracy wackadoo, psycho, anti-corporate, pro-socialist something-or-other. And I know some are here waiting for me to say something negative about a certain former employer. (Big ole corporation’s scared I’m going to blow my top and say something serious about them. LOL!) Hopefully there are also a few genuine people in my audience. I’m super grateful if you are.

So, here we are. I’ve been very sporadic. Honestly, I hadn’t intended to go quite so deep with this one. I’ve been kinda floating lately. Not really stuck, just not moving toward anything specific. I’ve been cleaning the kitchen, taking kids to school, hanging out with the cats, and just generally taking care of myself. It’s not spectacular.

I feel like the breakthrough is there or here, even.

You see it all the time in the various LoA books and courses. Our beloved mentors start with stories like:

“I was sitting at my kitchen table barely able to pay rent for another month, when I got this idea.”
“I was selling women’s shoes at Blah Shoe Store in Los Angeles when…”
“I was dead broke and selling my book out of my girlfriend’s car when…”
“I was fired from 30 jobs in one year and decided to create my own life…”
“I was living in my grandma’s garage with all of my credit cards maxed out and I got inspired…”
And one of my personal favorites, “I had already earned a pile of money working in my parent’s restaurant when I invested in other things and…” (Is it really an LoA success story if you started out with money?)

The truly interesting thing to me is, I feel as if I’m in that kind of magical time frame right now. Sure, I have days when I’m ready to throw in the towel and go back to work for nigh onto minimum wage and work my way back up the career ladder. (In other words, bust my ass for someone else every day until I end up in the grave. Nothing but misery until the end.) But I also have plenty of days that I’m grateful for being alive, reasonably healthy, and my family is doing okay.

It’s not perfect. I’m not striving to control every little thought, every little thing from one minute to the next. I’m just living my life. Yeah, I’d love to be doing more. Sure, I’d love to wake up tomorrow and get hit with that million dollar idea lightning bolt or at least something helpful. It’s going to happen, mark my words. But I’d be happy just knowing there’s enough coming in to cover all the bills and do things that light me up.

When the focus becomes on the feeling of joy, the money in the bank is a side effect. Whatever I’m doing, I just want to have fun. I just want to enjoy it. If it becomes a grind, misery and suffering set in and who wants that?

Anyway, more writing to come in the days ahead. Thank you for listening this far. I am still looking to help someone out for a bit of spare cash if anyone would like some help. Stay safe. See you soon.

Any day now, Snoopy and I are going to be like…

Leaving a Legacy?

While I don’t have my whole spiritual mission mapped out and I’m certainly no millionaire LoA guru yet, some of the various puzzle pieces of life are falling into place.

Tonight’s theme is: Tough introspection on my part.

So, I’m sitting here playing my 900th+ match on Fortnite tonight and I started thinking. What kind of legacy am I leaving behind? I mean, they don’t have to carve my bearded face into a stone somewhere. I’ve never been big on glory and prestige or popularity. But, what do I want to be remembered for.

Sound like a mid-life crisis?

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Yeah, kinda does. In my defense, I do turn 50 next year. Not sure I expected to make it this far. I mean, yay! But at the same time I’m wondering what the last 50 years truly netted me. I’ve had some pretty epic, killer matches in video games going back all the way to the Atari 2600. Yeah… Combat, Pac-Man, and Dig-Dug. I put in a lot of hours on some of those games. Yars Revenge, too. There was a game…

The Basic Nintendo Entertainment System is still one of my all time favorite gaming platforms. I think I played Top Gun, Double Dragon 1,2, and 3 until I beat them and could practically do it in my sleep. There was this really sweet, sweet game called Conflict that I was super pro at. By current graphics standards, these games are all weak sauce now, though.

PC games became my jam in college. I played Mechwarrior, Unreal Tournament, Doom, all of the Dungeons & Dragons content I could find, Command & Conquer (all up until Red Alert 2 or 3, (I think?) Jagged Alliance 2, Squad Leader, and the best of all- World of Warcraft. I played WoW until my arthritis started acting up. Lots of amazing years and fun characters in that game. I still have fond memories.

Oh how video games have evolved.

Alas, I gave most of it up when I became more serious about my spiritual path.

I would like to say I moved on, but not entirely. I still squeeze in an appearance on Heroes of the Storm occasionally. I started playing Fortnite as a way to bond with my kids. They like to watch those YouTubers who scream and yell at the camera all the time. The game is super easy for us old Unreal Tournament guys. We get to spend some time together and it’s fun. I also get to vent some aggression without anyone getting hurt in the real world.

The one thing I will say has changed is I no longer play super obsessively like I did in the good old WoW days. No joke, I went through about seven or eight years where all I did was eat, sleep, work, and play WoW. Sound familiar? It sunk in one summer night after I watched Dr Steven Greer’s Unacknowledged. Where was I going?

Where am I going?

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Again, I’m not out to be a name in every other household around the world, fun though that would be. But I started to realize there had to be more to life than just eat, sleep, work, raise kids and play video games. It started to look like a slow trudge toward the grave, and I’ve never been a fan of that.

That’s when I started to realize that video games are my particular drug of choice when it comes to distracting myself and seriously procrastinating. After some therapy and learning about the wonders of the Law of Attraction, I figured out that video games were preventing all of that “shadow work” and keeping me stuck in old paradigms on top of being a distraction and a means of procrastination. It’s what I do when the anxiety and depression really kick in.

So while I don’t have my whole spiritual mission mapped out and I’m certainly no millionaire LoA guru yet, some of the various puzzle pieces of life are falling into place. Yes, I can still play a round or two of something now and then without blowing a pile of money or losing hours of productivity. It’s a simple matter of moderation and that’s a good life lesson for all the kids, YouTubers and just people out there. If I feel like I’m spending too much time in video game land, I put the controller down.

“If you were going to be rich, you’d have done it by now.” – My mentor.

Someone taught me JOY is the key!

I would take a real bullet for the beautiful, talented, amazing, inspiring person who said this to me. But also, that particular comment still makes me want to crawl in a hole and die. As intensely dualistic as it is, I’m glad she said it. It’s the truth and we should never, ever demand a retraction for something that is legitimate truth.

I hear it a LOT in LoA and entrepreneurship circles. They say you should spend every waking hour of the day on the grind of either self-improvement or pursuing all of your super serious intentions. Is it true? Well, I’ll say it never hurt anyone. Or does it?

Where’s the joy in constantly having your nose in a book or hustling for that almighty dollar all the time? How much fun are you having when you bury yourself in perpetually trying to one-up your perceived competition or hitting the next benchmark? Sure, who doesn’t want to be rich? Yay hustle and grind. Here’s my “but:” Why should a bunch of screaming YouTubers who play Minecraft and Fortnite non-stop for days get to have all the fun and my kids’ undivided attention? Who’s to say self-improvement can’t become someone’s narcotic of choice, a haven for burying one’s feelings?

Their way isn’t necessarily my way.

Money is a good thing, but it’s not everything.

*Note, I’m going to name drop a bunch of folks here. Please go look them up on YouTube if you haven’t seen them already.

I admire Aaron Doughty, Jake Ducey, and even Master Sri Akarshana beyond words. They’ve worked hard in their respective LoA niches and have risen to staggering heights of wealth and prestige in the spiritual and LoA communities. I would love to have a sit-down with Jake Ducey some time. He’s one of my real heroes.

They’ve worked hard on themselves, meditated, prayed, and built empires. I might not always agree with Master Akarshana’s style or tactics, but I admire anyone who straight up attracted a Lamborghini and has businesses running in the thousands if not millions. Obviously he didn’t make all that by playing WoW nonstop to level cap every time a new expansion came out.

However, their way isn’t my way. Sure, I like to live in the feeling of the dream fulfilled. I like to tend to business and work hard, but I also do kick back and have some fun with the kids now and then. I also find writing quite therapeutic, especially these days. I still meditate about once per day. I’d do the same thing if I was Eckhart Tolle or Teal Swan. (Although I might not look as good as Teal. Lol!) My point is, I affirm and believe that I’m on my way up. I may be pulling an Abraham Hicks at the rate I’m going- retired and attracting more and more joy into my life. But that’s another story entirely.

They say before enlightenment you chop wood and haul water. After enlightenment you chop wood and haul water. I figure being a millionaire is much the same, just different trappings. You still have to work, but the paradigm and the type of work shifts dramatically.

My kids like to watch Preston Playz, Unspeakable Gaming and Ssundee on a pretty much daily basis. I hear names like Dream and SniperWolf getting thrown around a lot, too. These folks on YouTube make buckets upon buckets of money and have millions of subscribers. I can admire that. Some of these folks don’t just yell at the mic and play video games all day, either. They give away boatloads of cash and help build businesses and they’re all fairly young. I admire that, but again, it’s not really my jam. I’m a player, not a code guy. I can’t make the next Super Nuke Thrower Bow in Minecraft. I’m not God’s gift to Fortnite.

I pry myself away from the PC and the console occasionally and do other things. Hooray for doing what you enjoy for a living. I love that they do it. But again, I wonder what else goes on in their day. Are they really enjoying life and all the money/prestige? I know 2020 was a good year for certain YouTubers. Yay. But I wonder what life is like outside of the box? Are they fulfilled? Where’s the joy? What are they leaving behind for their kids?

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I’m considering YouTube again, too.

Where does that leave me?

This blog will be around for a while yet. That’s a good start. I have a TON of ideas I’d like to develop once I have some funds rolling in. I’m perpetually learning and improving myself, just not obsessively. I’m really loving life, trying to keep my vibration high within reason, and looking for new opportunities whenever I can. Yes, I do some of my more grindy thinking when I’m immersed in Heroes of the Storm for 20 minutes or playing solo on Fortnite.

Tabletop Role Playing Games are sort of my side hustle. I would love to be the next Gary Gygax or even Matt Mercer. That having been said, I’ve got a TON of ideas. I know how to format, edit, write and create game mechanics that work. Characters are no problem. Art on the other hand… We have challenges to overcome in terms of art.

Have a great week. Keep on doing what lights you up. Keep your vibration way high. Take care. Publius.

Staying in Abundance

Humanity and I are going to keep on striving for a better day tomorrow and the day after.

It’s easy to slip back into a lack mentality, especially when times get tough.

A lot of Law of Attraction gurus have covered this, so I won’t go overboard explaining every nuance, but this came up in my life recently. It’s almost a daily occurrence right now in my own mind, though. Adapting to new life circumstances or we’ll say different now moments has been a challenge at times.

How do you keep up the mental walls of positive thinking when it looks like everything has fallen apart? Some would put it more pragmatically and say, “face reality,” but I find reality as we understand it to be a very fluid concept. It’s almost like a line from Eminem’s “Lose Yourself.” I’ve been presented with a grand opportunity, and I’m super determined not to let it slip away. Or to quote Eminem, “You’ve got to lose yourself in this music, this moment… You only get one shot. This is your chance blow…”

Only this is Craigmile, not 8 Mile. Opportunity is infinite like everything else in the Universe. It’s another cliché, but when one door closes, another opens. I believe Source is constantly testing to see what we’re ready for, then presenting it, then challenging, and so on ad infinitum. It’s a constant cycle of sureness. Sometimes it appears as adversity. Other times it appears as triumph.

Aren’t we just lying to ourselves? Spiritually bypassing?

The Six Habits

Laughably, no. And allow me to elaborate. I find there are a few keys to coping with a change in circumstances without bogging down into that old lack mentality. My three favorites are acceptance, gratitude, and presence. And if this sounds like Laura Dibenedetto’s The Six Habits, you’re absolutely correct. BUT… It’s also taken from other brilliant minds such as Alan Watts, Bob Proctor, Jake Ducey, Sri Akarshana, Aaron Doughty, Ralph Smart, Abraham Hicks, and so many more.

If I were bypassing, I could just bury my head in the sand and try to meditate my way out of this whole situation. Instead, I’ve chosen accept the things I cannot change. I have recited the Serenity Prayer over and over during the last two weeks. One thing I’ve noticed people tend to forget, however is we live in a Universe where there are no victims. Yes, it’s hard to swallow, but everything is a matter of choices. My choices are going to lead me to better and better places.

Mentally, it’s hard for the ego to let go of the “this sucks” notion. It can leave one ranting like an insane person, walking about the house muttering, arguing with oneself about circumstances vs ideals. Without bypassing, being delusional, you have to live in the present as if it were the ideal that you desire. I think it was Alan Watts that talked about being homeless, but mentally constructing your mansion as if you were living there. You have to know every detail as if you were remembering it. Scripting is important, but so are intent and action.

How do you keep from letting your circumstances get to you?

It’s easy to say, “This sucks. I can’t cope. It’s so unfair that -blah- happened.” Instead of complaining and hating on circumstances, I find it easier to focus on the things we have to be grateful for. Now, my list literally grows by the day, some old favorites and some new items. I am happy to be free. I am overjoyed to be my own boss. I am so happy and grateful I finally have some real time on my hands to do some writing. I am so happy and grateful people are reading this right now. I’m grateful I get to be here with Gaia right now. The list can just go on and on…

I am happy and grateful I still have a roof over my head, good food to eat, and my family is happy and healthy. Truthfully, if that’s all I ever manage to manifest in my life, that is awesome. That’s not to brag, either. Plenty of people out there are hurting in one of those categories of more. But humanity and I are going to keep on striving for a better day tomorrow and the day after. It’s not always easy, but it’s always manageable. My advice if you’re struggling- believe in your heart of hearts that it’s going to get better.

I don’t drink alcohol, smoke anything, vape anything, do “recreational drugs” or anything else to try to escape. If I had to pick a soothing behavior, it would be video games and even that is becoming more manageable by the day. My other main hobby is tabletop role-playing games, but that is becoming more of a side hustle and possibly my main hustle eventually.

But if I’ve learned anything over the past few years of taking in LoA teachings on a daily basis, it’s that I never have to completely trudge around in the muck. Sure, there are things I’m going to do, maybe not today, but eventually. My wife and I discuss the grocery budget almost every day. Our kids drink milk like little calicos in June around here. We’d love to eat out more. But we’re going to make due with what we have whether it’s a little or a lot. I’m leaning toward a lot. We’re going to make it happen.

What keeps you focused?

There are two things I’d like to attribute to my success and sometimes failures with LoA. The first is mindset. It took a very long time to rewire my brain. (Somewhere I hear Jake Ducey and a couple of other folks laughing at me.) But it’s so true. You have to turn that minus – into a plus + every day. That line in the middle of the plus sign goes from the bottom up. Sure, I have negative thoughts. It’s gonna happen. The faster you catch it and wire in something more positive, the better.

Some people like to do it subliminally or through hypnosis. I’ve done some of that myself. It works, but you also have to believe. Taking time every day to script either in writing, verbally or even just as a regular thought exercise might seem silly and tedious in the short run, but over days and weeks, it starts to sink in. Daily affirmations do help quite a bit.

Sure, I still get triggered by something silly or take a hit to my self esteem occasionally. The most important thing is not to dwell on it for too long. Psychology plays a major role in spirituality and LoA. We all argue with that little voice in the back of our minds from time to time. It’s called an ego. It’s there to protect us. It can be a big helper when you need it. Other times, you just have to tell the little bugger to sit down and shut up. Sometimes your heart, your gut, and your third eye will get you places that obnoxious ego won’t get you to.

Yes, I DO recommend meditation.

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The best way to be in the presence of God is to pray or meditate every day. I sometimes do both and then some. Regardless of your religious beliefs or practices, just sitting in silence for a few minutes every day can really help you reign in your focus.

I can’t stress enough that it’s not hard. When I meditate, I don’t have any special pose or seated position beyond sitting down, eyes closed, no distractions, palms up (but that’s personal to me.) Relax, be in stillness, and let go of your thoughts for a while. Don’t worry. Don’t think about anything. Just BE. Even if it’s just sitting outside for 10 minutes and observing nature. Some people meditate while walking.

Shaolin monks take it to the extreme in a way. I remember one student saying “Everything we do is meditation. When we punch, we are doing punching meditation. When we kick, we are doing kicking meditation.” Singular focus is key. Pretty soon, if you practice mindfulness long enough, you start picking up on patterns and seeing the world in a whole new light.

Eckhart Tolle explains that meditation itself is not about doing something. It is simply a matter of BE-ing. You have to train your mind to rest and just let the Universe flow though you. That’s when you are in presence the most. There is no trick, posture, pose or plan to get there. It’s a state of being, but does it ever help with the rest of the day.

So, <POOF> I meditated and it’s all better?

Alas, it is not all about meditation. Seriously, if it were that easy to cast a money spell just through meditation, wouldn’t we all do it? Zero point energy, wealth, food and well being for every creature on Earth would have happened a thousand times over and we wouldn’t need to be here if it were that easy. This is the hardest part of LoA for both myself and most people- you have to take what is called, “Inspired Action.” When opportunities present themselves, and they often do, you have to be ready to pounce. For example, if you get offered a new job, and your gut says “yes,” then you have to pounce on it.

I look for new and more opportunities all the time. Being more present and mindful will help you see that when it comes up. In kinda New Age terms you’re collecting your energy and focusing it on that which you intend and the proper time to make it happen. Again, not as easy as it sounds. Ever see a Shaolin monk punch something? Punching meditation. He’s literally pulling energy from the Universe and channeling it through his fist and through the target. It’s all one motion for them.

On a final note, I believe in second, third, and more chances. We ultimately live in a kind, loving Universe. We are beings of love and light. God does not exist to punish us. In my opinion, the Kingdom of Heaven is truly within. If you screw up, like I do, The Universe will put something else in your path. You will attract something new, possibly better than you would have expected.

In the end, the most important thing you can manifest on this Earth is joy. It’s also the easiest. Find one thing to smile about. Find something, even if it’s small, to take some happiness in. Even if you’ve been standing in swamp water up to your chest for two and a half days, as long as you find something to laugh about, you’re going to be okay. Love? Be happy for yourself and your partner. Money? Be happy for however much you have and you’re going to have. Career? Be happy you get to go to work every day in a place you want to be in.

Til next time, stay safe and smile!

How to Rebel Energetically (in 2020.)

In my last couple of articles, I covered how I have this sort of existential dissonance going between my own personal code of ethics and this job that I need to feed my family. Now, I could express this as a philosophical or even a straight math equation, but I intend to explain it very plainly.

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Family comes first. Then my own physical needs. Then my ethics and spiritual needs third. Although technically the well-being of my family is one of my core values, so we could say I’m still heeding the call. But the two things that still get to me are the fact I’m serving an industry I despise and I’m stuck in a soulless cubicle all night watching my dignity degrade as I pour over spreadsheets and emails for hours.

Let’s make sure to mention service to self and others. It is extremely important. Not only are you keeping yourself happy, loving yourself, taking care of yourself, etc, but you’re taking care of your loved ones, and possibly neighbors and even community as well. Love is a key component to fulfilling one’s purpose. It’s called the language of the Universe. Send those super positive vibrations out there.

Writing, designing this blog and tabletop roleplaying games are my side gigs. Which I fully intend to have become my main focus. I’ve been at this for almost four decades now in one way or another. Yes, they’re fun hobbies but they’re going to become more. Yes I enjoy spending time on all three. Yes, there is “joy” in enjoy. Thank God.

Right there is the answer. Joy. Lots of it. TONS of it! If you want to fight back against the matrix (or whatever you want to call it,) you have to fill your heart with joy and love! Sounds a little silly to those who haven’t been in the spiritual community for long, but I find it to be very true.

Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows.

See, when you focus your attention on what you love doing, your energy goes there. Your vibration goes up, sometimes exponentially. Most importantly your joy comes forth. Joy! Happiness! Joy is one of the greatest energetic expressions in the entire Universe. If you want a systemic combo breaker, that’s it.

If anyone tells you otherwise? Tell them to go jump in the lake (or some other catchy phrase.) Once a person stops conforming to all these rules and norms created by a society, corporation or government who cares not for anyone’s well-being short of their own, it really eats the governing body. It tears at them. They get a little taste of what it’s like to watch their grasp slowly slipping away.

That said, don’t go flipping your boss the bird and laughing your way out of the office just yet, family. Again, the number one priority is greatest and highest good. So, take care of self and family. Still plenty of joy there, undoubtedly, but sometimes you have to keep the thing you despise around just long enough to really dig into the thing you love and find joy. Soon enough joy becomes greater.

Next time around, a discussion of Presence. A challenging habit to master, despite a simple name.

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