Freedom Day! 11th Month Edition

Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.

Captain’s Log. Stardate: 6.19.2022.

Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.

A family of six surviving on one paycheck in this day and age looks pretty grim. Law of Attraction aficionados would say I chose this. Lord knows I have plenty of reasons to be down these days. Guess I’m choosing depression, too. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just bury my head in the sand and just pretend things were going to improve.

Site engagement has been up.

THANK YOU!

One silver lining this month has been engagement on this site. I saw a couple of beautiful spikes in views earlier this month. Wow! If you’re here, thank you! I appreciate you stopping by.

A lot of the feedback I’ve received from sources such as #ttrpg Twitter has been extremely positive. I’m still somewhat new to blogging and it makes my heart flutter a bit when I hear a compliment. Thank you! Of course, more site traffic isn’t a sign of positive or negative opinions, but I’ll take the up-tick in views. Thank you!

Then there’s a ton of stuff that doesn’t make much sense yet.

I regularly mull over what I’m doing right in terms of writing, parenting, husbanding, adulting, etc. There’s never a super clear answer to any of my questions. It’s not like life comes with a user’s manual. Kinda wish it did some days. (Like, the ones ending in “y.”)

I keep wondering about how to best monetize myself in the roleplaying game market. Kickstarter? Patreon? Maybe just put stuff on Ko-Fi? I’m not sure I’m ready for DriveThruRPG just yet. That would require a finished larger product.

Someone recently mentioned trying out Fiverr. (Coming Soon!) I have often considered doing piece work, short articles, and social media posts. The same wonderful person mentioned possibly doing some ghostwriting or editing. Terrifying, which is why I’m looking into it.

Then again, am I really supposed to be in the RPG market at all? What about writing a novel? (Not as easy as it sounds, btw.) What about life coaching? (LOL! Not sure if I should be coaching or finding one.) What about becoming some sort of spiritual teacher? (*Don’t worry. Andey Fellowes and others would talk me down off that ledge.) What about a self help book? (Uh… 😐)

Figured out what I’m not doing.

That list goes on forever. The most obvious ones include finding another dispatching job. No thanks PTSD. Not today.

Scrubbing floors is right out. Even if my back and pain levels could tolerate it, my wife would likely shoot me. The hours for that kind of work are not worth the pay and effort involved.

Iowa Workforce Development. There’s a reason I’m no longer looking for a job in this state. They were more than happy to help as long as I wasn’t neurodivergent, in pain, and happy to throw my college degree out the window. Iowa needs dental hygienists and welders. Just don’t come around here being one of those sinister teacher types. (*Love you, wife.)

I’m too old and out of shape for retail, restaurants, factories, and office jobs. I have too many values and principles to ever do sales, especially over the phone. Call center jobs tend to become very stressful and triggering about five minutes in. I don’t even think Wal Mart would take me as a door greeter at this point.

In fact, screw working for any kind of big company or corporation ever again. Even if all the corporate culture head trash didn’t make me want to vomit, I’m pretty sure any review I receive is going to trigger me all over the place. That’s assuming we get that far. “Let’s have a meeting” would be followed by me coming completely unglued on someone. No thanks.

Bring my Garden Weasel to work day?

A brilliant and beautiful soul put me onto some new avenues of abundance.

Laura is the best!

I can always count on my friend Laura DiBenedetto to set me straight. She recently clued me into a couple of new avenues to abundance. I’m working on it, but it’s taking a little time. More on that as it develops.

I also continue to practice the skills I learned from The Six Habits. Laura’s book legitimately can and will change your life if you work with it. I may still get down sometimes (depression sucks!) but it’s an ongoing process, much like spiritual awakening.

The human brain creates channels of memory like lava carving its way down the side of a volcano. Practice a habit for 21 days and you can change the channel. Brain cells that fire together wire together. Neuroplasticity can modify those channels to improve your life. Look up Hebb’s Law. A constant practice of Kindness, Acceptance, Gratitude, Presence, Goodness and Intention will yield positive results given enough practice.

I’ve been back into the book lately, myself. Sometimes we get out of practice on certain things. It’s good to go back to basics and remember why we came here.

Gratitude is key.

Okay. I’ll buy that one. I’m so happy and grateful I have a roof over my head and a food on my plate. I’m grateful for all of the wonderful things I have in life. I’m grateful for my family’s health. I’m super extra grateful for my wife’s job. I’m super happy and grateful when I find loose change on the street, too. I’m grateful I met Laura, too.

Gonna go off now…

I’d like to say I’m grateful I got canned from that last gig. Look at all the stuff that’s teaching me. I’m grateful to be walking around with not-two-shits to give about anyone working for a large corporation or what they have to say. I’m grateful Iowa Workforce Development was more than happy to help as long as I did exactly what they wanted me to do. I’m extra grateful the government keeps denying my disability because I love being f’kn broke all the time. I’m grateful every time I log into LinkedIn to find out some other scamtastic pile of refuse has viewed my profile, because it reminds me I’m glad I gave up that damn job search crap months ago.

I know I have some things working against me every day.

Silly “Old Grognard” photo

First up, my age. I turn the big 50 in ten days. Even if I wasn’t long in the beard and bald as a cue ball, my birth certificate does not lie. I could shave tomorrow, but I know in my heart of hearts it will do me no good.

But what does that mean? Why is that so bad? Well, first off, employers really don’t want to see me walk in the door because they know I’m old enough not to take any sh*t that they hand out to the younger new guys.

On every given day, especially now that I’m officially “old,” my health comes into question. Which, I know how much they cringe with FMLA comes up. I literally have no choice but to mention it nowadays. I’m happy to be functional three days out of five most of the time.

My back and my pain tolerance make it pretty hard to do a lot of those fun repetitive motion tasks like mopping floors, scrubbing toilets, running a cash register, stocking shelves, standing all day, and a lot of other things y’all youngins take for granted. In fact, writing is one of the few things I can enjoy doing while sitting down from the comfort of my couch. (Too bad it doesn’t pay better, but we’re working on it.)

As bitterly annoyed as I am becoming toward certain entities, one fact remains prevalent.

No clue wtf I’m doing any more.

I have a family to take care of. That hurts on so many levels I can’t even describe them all. I’m very grateful my wife is taking care of all of us. That’s super.

Sorry, kids. Dad’s kind of a deadbeat. Seriously, I know how it looks. I wish I could provide more. I so desperately want to give more financially. And I live here. Your mom and I are still married somehow.

So, yeah. 11 months into this sh*tshow and I still have more questions than answers. I’m still wrestling with finding myself, accepting my own inadequacies, and fumbling around with what to do. I’m still unable to rub two shince together and have not two sh*ts left to give some days. Improvements are hopefully on the way soon.

Thanks for being here, one and all. I would have liked to have glowing things to say, but it’s been another r month. Onward and upward, I suppose.


Personal Share: Healthy Amount of Skepticism.

The Universe is vast and almost unknowable. There are billions of planets around billions of stars. It all had to start somewhere, right? It is sheer folly to think we’re it when it comes to life in the Universe. It is ridiculous to think there aren’t forces at work outside of what our five paltry human senses can detect.

Possibly the toughest part of being open minded is hearing things you know you don’t agree with.

And what’s really rough is when they turn out to be true. I’ve been listening to this very wise person named Andey Fellowes. @andeyfellowes on Instagram. He’s a skeptic when it comes to “New Age” beliefs and the more esoteric end of spirituality. He’s also a pro at debunking a lot of Law of Attraction myths and bringing logic to a space where it’s not as common.

Andey Fellowes. Brilliant guy! https://andeyfellowes.wordpress.com/

Andey Fellowes has made many good points on Instagram, YouTube and elsewhere.

Fellowes has been through a lot of junk in his life. He’s a cult survivor, specifically Teal Swan’s Tribe. He regularly calls Teal’s teachings into question along with those of Ralph Smart and several others. He also suffers from depression, the same as many of us have. He’s also come back to spirituality after being an atheist.

I’ve called some of Ralph Smart’s rhetoric and background into question in the past as well. Most of it has been taken down off of YouTube and Instagram. Fellowes has also called Aaron Doughty and other LoA YouTubers into question and for good reasons. I think this is what has been missing for a long time from a lot of the spiritual/self growth/LoA community that I have been listening to.

I don’t agree with everything he says, which I’m sure he would be the first to say is a good thing.

I’m still very “New Age-y” in my beliefs and practices, although I’ve begun to question some things after listening to Fellowes. I still listen to Lori Ladd, The Ninth Dimensional Arcturian Council via Daniel Scranton, The Spirit of the Cosmos, and others regularly. Anna Brown is still one of my heroes. I’m still very much a fan of Aaron Doughty and Jake Ducey. Honestly, I’ll never abandon my friend Laura DiBenedetto and the Six Habits no matter what anyone says.

But here’s the thing- I don’t believe everything anyone says without question. Laura DiBenedetto will be the first to tell you, I ask a LOT of questions. (LOL! True story.) I never blindly follow any one spiritual teacher. That’s cult behavior and we don’t follow that around here.

But I will say I’ve learned a lot listening to Fellowes. He’s put a different spin on things and said a lot of things out loud that I’ve often wondered about. I’ve learned a lot and I’ve begun to look at certain teachings more critically. However, all it does sometimes is strengthen my resolve and belief in Law of Attraction. Freedom, prosperity and joy are all possible and attainable.

What if Light Language is just gibberish? What if channeling is all just psychological? What if a lot of spiritual teachers just use a lot of colorful language and pseudoscience metaphors to push their products and services? Are we ruled by material capitalism and the almighty dollar?

What good is faith if we don’t question it occasionally?

Skepticism is healthy.

I acknowledge The Ninth Dimensional Arcturian Council is kind of a running joke around here. When I started listening to Fellowes, my wife got all hopeful that I had abandoned my spirituality in favor of cold, hard, logical cynicism. Alas, I haven’t and I won’t. My wife can call me crazy all she wants. We’re still married.

The Universe is vast and almost unknowable. There are billions of planets around billions of stars. It all had to start somewhere, right? It is sheer folly to think we’re it when it comes to life in the Universe. It is ridiculous to think there aren’t forces at work outside of what our five paltry human senses can detect.

To doubt is human. Please don’t ever take the word of any one teacher, guru or expert as pure truth. Please explore, doubt and challenge everything. It’s your sovereign right to do so. But, please- never take any one word for all of it?

Let’s talk Ufology again for a second.

Please come get me? Any time. Please do it in broad daylight so everyone can witness it. Proof is a good thing!

I have had multiple tests of faith over the last year or so. One of the biggest was the whole disaster surrounding Añjali. While I won’t get into my opinion of her here, she is part of the reason I changed this blog and my focus onto other endeavours for a while. But I’m still very interested in the topics of extraterrestrials/extradimensional beings, which by default plays into Ufology.

What I don’t buy into any more is this whole notion of Disclosure. Yeah, the governments of the world lie to us like we’re all stupid. Añjali and another known shill, Lue Elizondo, exist to perpetuate the myth. Many agents working for the government and black budget secret access projects have been sent to infiltrate the Ufology and spiritual communities to spy on us and spread misinformation for decades now. I suspect 1952 was the year that all began in earnest.

The fact that there are hundreds (or more) of beings watching and sometimes interacting with humans is being covered up. Send MIB to my house. Go on. I’ll wait. The truth is, they won’t. I have no proof. All I can do is speculate and ask others to do the same. But I know in my heart, these beings, in whatever form they take, (angels, spirits/ghosts, ETs, and so on) have been around for centuries and aren’t going anywhere.

How do I know?

Peace.

I believe. I don’t exactly know. That’s where skeptics come in. They call those beliefs into question.

If God/Source/Universe is real, then why not beings we can’t see or touch with our little 3D bodies? Who’s to say there isn’t some truth to all myths about the Universe? How does one explain events from history and religion since time immemorial?

Science fact, history, and faith all intersect at certain points. Yes, we can explain away miracles. We can dismiss UFO encounters and ET experiences. Sure, let’s try to thoroughly debunk various “pseudoscientific” studies such as the famous double slit experiment and Masaru Emoto’s study on water. What if it’s all legit?

At some point, humankind must choose what to believe and disbelieve. Skepticism can help us maintain balance. Yes. Please do call things into question. If the beliefs end up being false, then so be it. If I’m wrong, I’m willing to admit it. What if we’re trying to dismiss things that actually do exist?

But if I’m right, it all plays out according to the Universal Laws and everything happens for a reason. Multiple timelines do exist. Beings of every sort imaginable are visiting this planet and watching from the moon. The Law of Attraction really can benefit us in theory as well as practice. There really is no such thing as coincidence. Believe. There is one true Source of all life in the Universe and it wants us to know it’s real!

The best part is, no one has to agree with me. Please, make up your own mind. Believe what you wish to believe.

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you. Have a great weekend.

Massive Shout Out!

Please don’t just take my word for it! Please go check out her website. I know I sound biased. She’s a world class coach, professional, CEO, and TEDx speaker among other accolades. She’s done so much and helped many people find joy.

Thank you, Laura DiBenedetto!

Not just a friend, but a force of nature!

Almost out of the blue yesterday, I received a couple of LinkedIn notifications. One was a message from Laura and the other was a comment on one of my blog slugs on LinkedIn. I had commented in that article about wanting to make more money and how I’m a bit stymied at present.

Well, long story short, my very good friend Laura put me onto a couple of ideas that I will be developing further in the coming weeks. I want to expand at my own pace in a way that makes sense for me, but at the same time builds up some financial success for my family.

I’m so ridiculously grateful to know Laura and have had the privilege to work for her a little bit. She’s generous to a fault. She’s always been very helpful. There’s no encouragement like Laura’s. And let’s mention jaw-dropping, heart stopping motivation. Seriously, I get all teary-eyed and speechless.

She’s also honest when needed. I can always count on her to make me face reality and set me straight when I’m all over the place. A more true friend I’m not sure I could ask for in this world and I don’t have that many.

I can’t mention Laura without mentioning The Six Habits.

This book can change your life!

LauraDiBenedetto.com
Please don’t just take my word for it! Please go check out her website. I know I sound biased. She’s a world class coach, professional, CEO, and TEDx speaker among other accolades. She’s done so much and helped many people find joy.

I first discovered Laura on Instagram. Her posts are always off the charts cool. I learned a LOT about life, success, joy and spirituality from her. She’s incredibly wise and still learning. As a side note, she’s the only person I know who retired at 37 years young and then got pulled back into a leadership role many times over.

No, it’s not a cult. Just want to put that out there. I know my recent encounters with Andey Fellowes made me really consider that notion and Laura doesn’t tick those boxes. No worries. She’s one of the good ones.

I have, however, discovered many other amazing folks on Instagram as a result. I’ll shout some of those fine folks out in a future article. Laura has a fantastic circle of friends and is so helpful when it comes to networking!

One thing will always blow my mind when it comes to Laura.

She’s very high class. Like, we’re talking she can hang with people who make six digits or more per year. She’s rock star/Hollywood celebrity caliber. (Ammunition pun intended. See one of her newest ventures.) I so totally admire this lady and would gladly follow in her footsteps were that an option.

Alas, I follow in my own footsteps. I can aspire to my own greatness. I owe her that much. Honestly, I’m not sure how the heck I made it from 2019-Present without The Six Habits and some encouragement of my friend. She would likely say that’s the best any of us can do is carve out our own path and find joy for ourselves.

What still blows my mind is the notion that she’s so classy and high powered but still somehow manages to find the time to chat with lil old me out of the blue. Like, wow. Just… wow.

I can’t thank you enough.

THANK YOU, LAURA!

I still contend I owe you like, uh. Okay I lost count. A LOT, okay. I owe you big time! Thanks for being so awesome!

And thank all of you for stopping by. Lots of love and aloha as my friend would say. I appreciate you. More to come.

Personal Share: Things I’m Avoiding

I’ve had more ups and downs that a yo-yo on a roller coaster this past year. Some days, I know my vibration is pretty stinkin low. Other days, I’m floating on the clouds happy. I think psychologists call that “bipolar” but it does fit…

Procrastination can be productive, but that’s not what I’m here to discuss right now.

Could be better.

We’ll talk about procrastination later. Right now, I want to discuss some things that have been on my mind as of late. My intent is that someone else may benefit from my time on the struggle bus or maybe the fail plane. Not sure yet.

Let’s drop some Law of Attraction knowledge into all of this. In the end, I still believe in the Laws of the Universe, difficult though it is some days. Skepticism is helpful, I suppose. I’ve been avoiding writing this article for a while now.

“Just get a job, deadbeat!”

That’s really the very painful nitty gritty of it all, I guess. I don’t identify as “deadbeat,” “loser,” or “failure.” It’s difficult sometimes. I still hear it, even if someone isn’t saying it out loud. Maybe I’m paranoid and slightly delusional. Who knows? Maybe I’m projecting my insecurities onto others? But identifying with the negatives puts us into a state of lack. Lack mentality is to be avoided if we want to live in the higher state of abundance.

Welcome to the grand struggle of the Law of Attraction. There’s always duality and separation. Light and dark, hot and cold, rich and poor, etc. I’m currently feeling that downward pull of some of that lack in my life.

We’re all reaching for the stars in some way, shape, or form. Right? Show me someone who doesn’t strive for stability (minimum) or prosperity (maximum.) Even billionaires have some sort of goal, right?

So, I’m avoiding the lack mentality by embracing the abundance mentality. It’s the whole concept of “Living in the dream fulfilled.” Okay, what does that look like?

Everything is Energy

Meditation: tapping in.

Atoms are energy. It’s a miracle anything is solid there’s so much energy. We’re swimming in a sea of it. The human eye can only perceive so much of it. Otherwise, we’d probably overwhelmed by all of the differing wavelengths and vibrations around us.

So, the vibrations we emit are of the wavelength we are on. I know. It’s complicated. We receive what we feel if LoA is to be believed.

I’ve had more ups and downs that a yo-yo on a roller coaster this past year. Some days, I know my vibration is pretty stinkin low. Other days, I’m floating on the clouds happy. I think psychologists call that “bipolar” but it does fit…

Am I avoiding prosperity and embracing lack? I think the idea here is to have more good days than bad. I mean, sh*t happens. Sometimes the Universe challenges us with a bad day. Literally God/Source/Universe knows why. Of course, there is no such thing as a coincidence.

Okay, then the hardest part.

I’d be pretty much hosed without my wife.

So, we can not have two shince to rub together and still have to live in the millionaire dream fulfilled. I’m avoiding admitting to myself that I’m as broke as a joke. I avoid identifying as a jobless bum who could literally be one marital disagreement away from living under a bridge somewhere. I’m avoiding the notion that I’m literally depending on my wife for everything. (Man card is on fire again…)

I’m super grateful my wife keeps me around. I’m no Martha Stewart, but I do some housework around here, especially anything to do with the kids. I’m trying not to identify myself as taking advantage of my loving wife. Sometimes I feel like I should do more, but the answer is not always clear as to what.

I get tired a lot. Some mornings the pain is, well, a lot too. I still keep going.

Makes it a little hard to just run right out and get a day job, though. Especially knowing at some point I’m going to have to call in sick to said new job, whatever it is. Most places really start looking at you sideways when you mention FMLA. Suddenly they don’t want to keep you around as bad.

Then there’s the thought that out of over 100 job applications I had one actual interview and one legit callback before rejection. I’m turning 50 this month. I’m sure that has something to do with it. Got fired from the last job after nearly seven years. I’m sure that has something to do with it, too.

So, yeah, I’ve been avoiding admitting that to myself, too. They just don’t want me. And I’m not really young enough to start all over at some damn 9-5, 40+ hours per week scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets again. I’m literally too old and too broken for that crap. Not to mention I damned well deserve more.

Not because of some perceived entitlement or privilege. Not because of my age, gender, skin color or sexuality. Because we ALL deserve better. Every last one of us. Life has kicked us all in the ass too much. Good times are overdue.

As a complete side note- Screw college. That’s right. I’ll freely admit it. Higher education has left me with a degree and a bigger stack of bills to pay. What good has it done? Not very damn much. Especially now that the Internet can make anyone just as smart in far less time without all of the bullsh*t.

Income is Outcome.

Snoopy and I really would.

Here’s where the rubber meets the road. It’s the same LoA question I’ve had from literally day one. How do I increase my wealth? I’m not a life coach, a shrink, a doctor or a lawyer. I don’t have any inventive new product or service to sell that is relatively unique to me. I’m not a craftsman, artisan, journeyman or service man, even. I’m not even a good scam artist (*not that I’ve tried.) So what good and/or service do I have to sell?

I’ve asked that question literally hundreds of times and dozens of people. You know what? They all avoid answering it. Not one guru, expert, or leader wants to touch that one. At least, not for free. (Plenty of life coaches and LoA experts will charge me out the butt for whatever magical secrets they have.)

What saddens me is that even this website, that I love dearly, is costing me way more than it’s bringing in. My wife was generous enough to fund another year of my blog back on May 25th. She keeps getting on my case about how broke I am whether she knows it or not. Or maybe I’m projecting again? (*my therapist would be having a field day with this article.)

What really eats me, though- what really gets to me more than probably anything, is I have all kinds of things I want to do with money. (Not just the usual consumer nonsense, although maybe a little indulgence.) But more than about anything, I want to make sure my family is taken care of. Then I want to start helping people out. Problem is, I can’t do it without money.

One example I’ll give, albeit a minor one, is Kickstarter. When I was employed, I started backing some roleplaying game projects that I believed in. Nowadays? I look at new projects by some of the same folks longing to be able to help out. In some cases, one project might be a major source of income for one year for all I know. Of course, no nothin moolah to help, so not much I can do. “Heh heh. go team. yay…)

Is most of the support I can afford these days.

What about joy?

I have this blog. Yeah, I drop a pretty wide range of stuff from roleplaying games all the way through things like LoA and UFOs. Now that I’m on a roll with it, I really don’t want to let it go. It’s been keeping me sane and then some. I actually enjoy writing. But, as someone likes to remind me, all of my “journalism-ing” isn’t paying the bills. (Her term, not mine.)

The operative theory here is that success is defined by happiness (joy.) If I’m truly happy, I don’t need income. But I feel pretty miserable being a burden on my wife and family. There’s lots of things I want to do for the community and people I care about. Some of them might not even know I exist yet.

So where does that leave me? No, really. Where does that leave me? Can anyone tell me? Anybody?

I hear the crickets chirping again. It’s just me barking in the dark. I’m going to leave it here for tonight. I feel a bit lighter already.

Thanks for being here. I appreciate you, especially if you made it clear to the end of my rantings. More to come. Have a good one.

Open to feedback if you have any.

Community Part 2.

Just because we’re a product of our environment growing up, doesn’t mean we can’t change. We don’t have to continue being all of those bad things some of us are getting accused-of.

We “old grogs” have gotten a bad reputation.

If I ask someone on RPG Twitter to describe the term, “Old Grognard,” I’m likely to hear some things none of us are very fond-of. I’m going to say terms like “cynical, racist, sexist, homophobic, fascist,” and “transphobic.” Many of us are characterized as cishet, narrow-minded right wing old fart conservatives. Apparently the MAGA crowd is now big on OSR gaming? Heck, I even saw the term “Nazi” flung around at one point. (*Not naming anyone specifically, because ouch.)

This is what one “Old Grognard” looks like.

I don’t think anyone likes being referred to that way? I sure as heck don’t. Then again, I would like to think I espouse peace, understanding, tolerance, democracy, freedom, and love? Sorry, I’m really big on my “New Age” spiritual beliefs that don’t leave room for hate. Hate is a huge waste of time and energy.

I’m trying to leave politics out of this. Truthfully, I voted my conscience last time and pretty much everyone I voted for didn’t even get mentioned in the final results. Some of them never got nominated officially. (LOL?😅)

Old Grognard gamer stereotypes.

Yeah… some of this stuff is painful to hear.

OSR or nothing! Nothing new is good! D&D 5E is the worst thing since D&D 3rd edition! These darn kids today don’t appreciate anything! These darn kids don’t understand what homebrew really is. Matt Mercer is leading these kids astray. Critical Role is terrible. Blah blah blah. <OG grouchy noises>

I’ve heard people online saying things like this and worse. Way worse. See also, “Back in my day.” I could legit do an entire series of memes just on stuff some of us “old grogs” have said online and irl. We veterans of gaming for 20+ years have a lot of history and a lot of baggage.

The really tragic part is, I know people who are harsh on new editions of almost any game, especially D&D. I know people spouting bigoted, hateful, terrible things online and in the real world. It truly saddens me.

I could say it’s a sign of the times and a pattern of behaviour learned in a different era. We said the same thing back in the day. I used to get on my dad’s case for using the term, “negro” to refer to African Americans. Guess what? He grew up in the 1930’s and 40’s and that’s the word they used.

Just because we’re a product of our environment growing up, doesn’t mean we can’t change. We don’t have to continue being all of those bad things some of us are getting accused-of. I mean, yeah some of the older editions of D&D included some pretty racist, homophobic and transphobic content. We didn’t see it as a bad thing at the time. Now? I hope older generations of gamers are catching on that terms and times are changing.

Modern cancel culture would have it in for some of my all time favorite AD&D books.

Unearthed Arcana Alt Cover.

My favorite example of racism in AD&D First Edition is the racial enmity table that appeared in the Unearthed Arcana. The original UA is one of my all time favorite books because it revolutionized AD&D. I can point to so many other things in UA that are so amazing. But the whole table of X race hates on Y race but tolerates Z race really makes it look bad nowadays.

This only one example. Some have said the entirety of Oriental Adventures is one bad racial slur against Asians and other POC. In a way it really was. Again, I’d love to see some of the content from that book (classes, weapons, and spells) get revived today, but not in a way that’s going to offend people. The RPG industry let a lot of stuff fly back then that we wouldn’t dream of accepting today.

Standing up for Old School Revival gaming LOOKS like standing up for the racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic junk that was rampant in gaming and Western culture at the time. That’s pretty not okay.

Some parts of this book are among the most amazing RPG content ever. Some aspects of this book have also become quite infamous, sadly.

This is not to say we should ban either of these two books. The classes, items and spells make them a worthwhile read. OA covers a really nice do-it-yourself martial arts system that has never been replicated in another official D&D product to my knowledge. Even the artwork in both of the books I’ve mentioned is pretty phenomenal.

Unfortunately some of the stuff contained in both books probably warrants skipping over. Some people may wish to not partake in games using these two books or maybe skipping the entire edition of the game in favor of friendlier content.

T$R should not be confused with OSR, however. We’ll get more into that in the next installment. There’s a lot of old school stuff out there that doesn’t carry the junk with it and I’ll get more into that later as well. Just because something has that old school D&D look and feel doesn’t mean it carries all of the negative crap with it. As with gaming, as with gamers on all counts.

To be continued again…

It looks pretty dark for the “old grogs” right now. Yeah, some of us really are that, uh… messed up? Backwards? Old fashioned?

As my dear old dad used to say, “It never gets any easier.”

Sometimes that is the truth. Thanks for being here. Hope you’re having a good week. Please keep gaming regardless of the edition or game. Life might not always get easier, but it can get better. Game on!

Freedom Day: May 19th Edition.

What’s the lesson? What’s this trying to teach me? I mean, I’m trying to to wrap my head around a lot of this even now.

Personal Share.

Sigh. It’s the classic best-of-times, worst-of-times scenario. Getting canned from a place where I was miserable might have been better for them than me? Maybe? The verdict is still out on this one. (*Note, I have to tread very carefully with this topic. Certain folk might still be creepin on my socials and here.)

Spiritually, it’s all about the silver lining. What’s the lesson? What’s this trying to teach me? I mean, I’m trying to to wrap my head around a lot of this even now. I’ve done a lot of processing, or at least I’d like to think I have.

Here’s my question: Who’s teaching this class, anyway?

I love Eckhart, believe me.

The very spiritually correct answer is the Universe/Source/God. I’m not trying to force any of this concept on anyone. Take from it what you will. I’m no Eckhart Tolle and my connection with the Divine might not be quite as strong these days? Sorry. That escalated quickly. (*Much like I occasionally poke at Matt Mercer, I seriously doubt Eckhart or his people read my blog.)

If we’re the creator and the creation at the same time, why do we make things hard for ourselves? This question has been relevant for centuries, maybe longer. Sadly, I don’t even have it that bad! Basic human needs met in this 3D lifetime? Check. Anything beyond that? Still working on it.

If you want to stretch the bounds of spirituality a bit, it’s actually me teaching me or my higher self teaching me. And then so on and so forth up the multidimensional food chain all the way to Source. That’s kind of a trippy concept. What? I can’t give myself the proverbial Cliffsnotes?

Karmically, how many times does one have to go through the wringer before we move on?

Early Iron by Maigheach-gheal is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0
This is a wringer for those wondering.

I seem to remember someone saying situations would be repeated until a specific lesson is learned. Now, clothes used to go through the wringer a few times to help them dry, but there came a point where it wasn’t doing any good. So I have to ask, if I continue to flunk the same lesson, do I still get to, uh, “graduate?” Is “graduation” day when we die or the next proverbial day when we get to go answer for everything? The deeper one reaches, the more questions come up to be answered.

My dear old Dad used to say, “It never gets any easier, does it?” The older I get, the more I really understand the question. Not sure I have any more answers than I did when I was 17, but at least I get the question from multiple angles.

Every answer leads to more questions. Some questions are more of a struggle to figure out than others. Sometimes we struggle like crazy just to come full circle to the simplest answer possible. We overlook simple answers due to their lack of complexity. As my good friend Jake once said, “If it was simple, we wouldn’t be here.”

People say I spend too much time in my head and I overthink things. Yeah. I probably do. Then again, I believe anything worth doing is worth the effort. The details are important. If I’m worried and giving something a lot of thought, it’s a sign that I care.

One of my favorite teachers often reminds us that we’re already there.

Anna Brown, who claims to not be a spiritual teacher, but quite often speaks the truth about all things spiritual, really gets it in my opinion. You are already that which you are seeking. There are no answers to search for because you already possess the knowledge. Basically, stop trying to dig philosophically so much because you can just live.

Only, I’m stick-stone-stubborn as hell. I refuse to give up. I refuse to stop beating my head on the metaphysical wall. What the heck am I doing here if not to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing here? I love chasing my tail!

Back to the metaphysical drawing board this month.

I started watching a skeptic named Andey Fellowes on YouTube recently. Please don’t think I’m abandoning my views on spirituality or any of my beliefs. However, some of what Andey has to say does ring a bell. He gets very honest and critical about certain popular spiritual and Law of Attraction teachers and what they’re saying. Honestly, I’ve had some of the same experiences. He’s right about a good number of things.

I’m still kind of a “New Age” guy, though. I’m not changing everything about myself to become an atheist or a former “New Ager” as they are called. I don’t troll Andey, either. In fact, if love and light is your jam, there’s no point in trolling anyone, ever. Especially not someone who is speaking out against your long-held beliefs.

All of that having been said, I’m going back to my spiritual roots through the end of June. I am thoroughly examining what my goals in life are. I’m going to ask myself what I intend to manifest. I’m going to give a lot of mental effort over to changing beliefs that aren’t working for me. My overall goal is to hone the habits that will get me to a better place in life yet. It’s time to get off the struggle bus and find some joy again.

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you. Have a wonderful day wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.

RPG Twitter Be Like…

As much as I want to be love and light, I can’t abide by racist, homophobic, transphobic, pedophilic, abusive, hateful individuals in my life. I’m on a spiritual path and I’m very willing to forgive (*except on one specific thing I mentioned.) I abide by the Wiccan principle of DO NO HARM. If someone can’t follow that one simple rule, we’re going to part ways.

Not the KYBO fire UFO Twitter is. LOL!

So, I delved back into social media today on both Instagram and Twitter after a period of inactivity other than the occasional story post, retweet and blog notification. I liken being away to a social media detox.

(*I grew up in Iowa and live in Des Moines, btw.)

I actually recommend everyone take a break from time to time. It’s healthy. You’ll find time and mental health benefits you never imagined were there. I have my share of mental health issues. Trust me, it was a good cleanse to take a break.

Walked into kind of a mess on Twitter, though.

Photo by Mudassir Ali on Pexels.com

I make mistakes every day. Trust me. No need for a reminder.

I don’t look my followers over on Twitter as well as I should. Turns out my well-meaning desire to be a friend to all sometimes gets me backing some, uh, unscrupulous folks. Anyone can change for better or worse. I unfollowed some people today that need to work on the ‘better.’ It makes me sad because a couple of these bad actors put out some really good content, too.

But, as much as I want to be love and light, I can’t abide by racist, homophobic, transphobic, pedophilic, abusive, hateful individuals in my life. I’m on a spiritual path and I’m very willing to forgive (*except on one specific thing I mentioned.) I abide by the Wiccan principle of DO NO HARM. If someone can’t follow that one simple rule, we’re going to part ways.

People make mistakes. So do I. It happens.

We can correct. We can atone. All it takes is open dialogue. People can change.

I might be an Old Grognard, but I’m far from a grouch most days.

Curmudgeonly Grognard is NOT the same as hateful and intolerant.

Someone who I genuinely look up to posted something on Twitter that I took issue with. I immediately unfollowed him. Much to my surprise, (more like dismay,) he gave me a big, unsolicited, unprompted, very kind shout-out. Holy buckets! Needless to say I promptly followed again. Mistakes were made.

My mood was somewhere between “Back off!” and “Don’t make me become the center of a national headline.” Then the whole thing on Twitter happened and suddenly I wasn’t done with humanity any more. I can be curmudgeonly when I’m tired, in pain, and hungry, which I was at the time. I’m not always a grouch.

That’s where the Old Grognards of the RPG community get a bad rep. A lot of us grew up in a different generation. Back in our day racism, sexism, paranoia and -phobias were commonplace. (*Not excusable.) Some of us have learned/changed to be tolerant, accepting, patient, and more open to new ideas. Others have yet to come around, unfortunately.

It’s easy to lump all of us old, white, cishet guys together into one category. Most days, I fit into some or all of those descriptors. However, it doesn’t mean I fall into that category all the time. Yes, I get that many people have been dealing with discrimination, hate, and bias their whole lives. It hurt then and it hurts now. Treating people like shit is NOT okay.

In the end, I’m here to eat pizza and roll dice. Fun might even be had. 😁

Sure, we play all kinds of RPGs, minis games, board games, etc where violence is commonplace as long as it’s IN GAME! Hate and violence have no real place out in the real world. Kindness and understanding should be universal. If not love, then neutral understanding, please? We can do better as a species.

Whether it’s social media, gaming, or even here on my blog, I strive to be kind to people. I always try to state it’s my opinion. If someone doesn’t agree, it’s okay. Mine is not the only opinion. I’m cool with it. I never go online with the intent of rammining my opinion down others’ throats. We can always discuss.

Please be the change you want to see.

Please be kind to one another.

Above all, please be kind to one another. Be compassionate. Try to forgive.

I’m lucky. The Source/Universe/God got involved in my life. Yes, I’m a “New Ager.” It doesn’t make me more right or wrong on any given day than I was before. However, it did wake me up to many things. For example: love, compassion, and kindness go a lot farther than fear, hate or intolerance.

Every journey begins with the first step. I doesn’t matter who takes the first step. Let’s walk together, okay? If we can’t do that, can we at least walk quietly and go separate ways for now?

I’m not asking for world peace (but it would be nice.) If people want to disagree, that’s cool. I am open to discourse as I hope everyone is. But violence and hate are unnecessary in many cases. All it takes is one person asking, “How can we work this out?”

Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here. I appreciate you. Namaste.

Why I’m Still Blogging.

My point being, I get there’s no profits in simply giving people money. But building a community, planting trees, and creating jobs for people can be profitable. If people can throw $40+ BILLION at something, why not have it be locally owned farms? Why not have it be community centers and housing for the homeless? How about we encourage people to embrace joy and prosperity?

I spend a lot of time behind this computer screen.

Every day I come to this blog to pump out fresh content of some kind. Not gonna josh anyone, it keeps me sane. I’m super grateful for you if you’re reading this, whoever you are. Thank you!

I’ve been through a lot dealing with unemployment and health issues. It’s getting better, slowly but surely. I think the Universe likes to test us to see if we’re ready for more joy, love, freedom, prosperity, peace, and harmony every day. It’s not always easy.

We don’t learn as much from easy.

These billionaires, God love em, who have so much money to throw at buying major social media entities just blow my mind. I don’t envy their riches. Good for them for getting where they are today. (I would love to join them.) I mean, they literally have the power to do so much for so many and yet…

It’s true since the first epoch of mankind on this planet that life isn’t easy. We’re here in the physical to learn, remember, and grow. Overcoming challenges and trauma ultimately lead to joy and love. Where would we be without duality and contrast through it all?

I keep coming back to this notion that if I were a millionaire, things would look different.

What would I do with that kind of money? First, take care of my family. Get all the bills paid and make sure the kids are pretty much set for life. I’d teach them what I did to hit millionaire status so they could do the same.

Next, I’d make sure my wife could retire happily and maybe sell real estate or just hang out at home with the cats all day. As long as she’s happy, it’s okay. My wife, Heather, has truly earned a rest after everything she’s done for us.

After the personal stuff comes the investments. I’ve blogged about this before. I want to build my personal empire by helping people. I want to pay it forward as much as possible. Heck, I’d start my own commune if I thought it would help people. (*commune? Collective might be a better choice of words. Not trying to set myself up as any kind of cult leader.)

My point being, I get there’s no profits in simply giving people money. But building a community, planting trees, and creating jobs for people can be profitable. If people can throw $40+ BILLION at something, why not have it be locally owned farms? Why not have it be community centers and housing for the homeless? How about we encourage people to embrace joy and prosperity?

I’m not there yet. I dunno if I ever will be.

With the way things have been going this past year, I don’t know if it will ever happen. Right now I’m planting that seed. I’m doing the few things that bring me joy throughout this struggle, like my humble little blog here.

I’ll take the joy as it comes. I’ll look to expand my resources when the time and the opportunity come. The prosperity will come in many forms and I absolutely know it’s there. Right now, I’m just working on getting out of neutral in my life to get the prosperity flowing into it more. I believe love, prosperity and joy are out there waiting for us. ALL of us.

Thanks for stopping in today. I truly appreciate all of you. Happy Cinco de Mayo if that’s a holiday you celebrate. Take care.

Freedom Day! 9 Month Edition.

I started thinking today. What am I dreaming about now? What is my intention? What do I want to manifest next? I realized I literally don’t have an answer yet.

People have conceived and had babies in the amount of time I’ve been out of work.

Personal share, of course. I was canned on July 19th, 2021. I can’t say who or why, only that it happened. Gotta love NDAs and Severance agreements. It’s been a blessing with a few bumps in the road.

I have applied for numerous jobs and been shot down cold. No interviews. Not even an email thanking me for applying in many cases. I finally stopped applying. I don’t miss it for one second.

Unemployment ran dry. Disability may or may not ever happen. I’m just kinda floating right now. My wife’s income takes care of the bills. Hooray for that. The kids are taken care-of at least.

I tried my hand at freelance writing. All it did was ramp up my anxiety and depression more until I was barely functioning. It wasn’t due to any pressure from the publisher. I just can’t seem to reach a point where criticism, especially of something I hold very dear (writing) is going to be okay.

Here’s the part where I’m supposed to say something super positive, right?

Yeah… screw that noise.

Spiritually, it’s been a learning experience. I freely admit I manifested this kinda weird state of affairs into my own life to learn and grow from it. Hindsight being what it is and all, I guess it’s teaching me something.

I was put here to experience life in my physical form. Okay. I get that part.

We bring about what we put into intention and emotion. I get that, sorta. Somewhere along the way I maybe fouled up on that one. My intention was always freedom. (Loving my freedom from the grind, btw.) My emotions may have been skewed a few times, which I believe has led the Universe to test me even more. Am I really bound for greatness?

New day, new intentions.

I started thinking today. What am I dreaming about now? What is my intention? What do I want to manifest next? I realized I literally don’t have an answer yet.

I know what I’d like to see, obviously, in terms of my family’s well being. But for myself? That’s a bit tougher. I’ve been kind of circling the drain, as a friend pointed out a couple of months ago.

Since then I’ve been doing a little better mentally, I guess. I’ve had to come to terms with where I’m at in life and where I’m headed. Accepting where I am now and the way things are has been a big pill to swallow.

My bags were pretty much all packed when…

2020 Spring Break lasted most of a year. The Icky Cough-Coughs happened and shut the whole planet down. It’s kinda hard to abandon ship in the middle of a pandemic. Although much like my untimely firing, it has turned out to be more a blessing than a curse.

I just need to unpack and move back into my man cave. Spring cleaning this year is going to be arduous at best. It will be sort of nice to have everything back out where I can find it readily again, though. I’m staying for the long term now.

Time to start dreaming again.

You always hear stories in Law of Attraction circles about someone who quit their job, dropped out of mainstream society, started a YouTube channel and is now a millionaire. All through the “magic” of LoA manifestation. Another one of my favorites wrote a bestseller, started his own company and is now a millionaire. In the end, I think that’s kind of my dream, too.

I hear you’re never too old, stupid, or inept to start fresh on the road to a million dollars. There’s only one slight catch that’s been bugging me from Day ONE of my manifestation journey- What in the Actual HELL am I supposed to sell, produce, or show that’s going to make me money? No one ever has an answer.

Honest disclosure- I’m not making a single dime off of this website currently.

I love writing. But I’m doing it all for me. It’s keeping me out of the nut farm most days. It’s not concrete enough for my wife, and as such there might be some pretty ugly changes on the horizon. I dunno.

So, the first dream, and maybe all there is, I just want to write. I want to share my kooky ideas about role playing games, UFOs, ETs, Spirituality, LoA, and a lot of other stuff to a willing and kind audience.

I intend to manifest enough to keep the site up, make my wife happy, help the kids out, and maybe buy a few books to help my fellow creators out. It’s not a huge financial goal, but it’s a plausible start.

In the end, it’s all about happiness. If a couple of articles per day keeps me going through the other stuff, cool. That’s what I intend to do. If one of my writing projects stumbles into a paid product, all the better.

Thank you for being here. I love you and appreciate you as always. Have a great weekend.

March 19th. Freedom Day Again.

I’m working on myself today. Tiny steps. It’s not easy. Looks easy on paper, but…

Personal Share: Circling the drain.

As you may have already guessed, I’m going to get a bit vulnerable in this particular article. Not gonna lie, it’s been a rough couple of months for me. As a trusted friend pointed out, I seem to be “swirling the drain.” She’s right without knowing how dark it really has gotten. This is harder than I thought it was going to be and is probably going to turn into a whole series.

A well known Law of Attraction guru whom I have never met in person once said, “Once you overcome the fear of dying, what’s left?”

*Disclaimer: Do not taunt bears or go skydiving with lit dynamite. Also, juggling chainsaws is right out. Do not try dangerous stuff at home based on what some internet goob said. That is not what we’re talking about.*

He was poking for the obvious answer of there’s literally nothing to be afraid of. Start a new job and get fired in the first 10 minutes? Why not? Talk mad smack about the government on social media? What’s going to happen? Who cares? Become a millionaire overnight? F*ck yeah! Why be afraid?

Not trying to sell anyone’s program, just thinking out loud.

There is a very valid point about not being afraid to fail or succeed. When there’s nowhere else to go- look up. As people, one has the capability of lifting oneself up. The opposite stands true as well. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy.

It’s better to suffer the slings and arrows of grievous misfortune than to be afraid of trying in the first place. Truly it is one of the easiest damn things ever to say. I get it. I’ve been at this for a while now with self help, LoA, and the whole spiritual awakening show. Saying is easy. Doing, on the other hand…

There’s always a choice.

This is way tougher than I thought it was going to be and I’ll definitely be continuing this conversation in future articles.

We choose our actions in any given moment. Every sentence, heck- every word is a choice. We get to set our intentions with every choice big or small. Whether it’s make a cup of coffee or move to Alaska, everything boils down to a choice. Then the real, heavy, stubborn world kicks in and reminds us that all of our actions have consequences and our decisions have far reaching ramifications sometimes. (Which is why no chainsaw juggling or moving to Alaska for me.)

Here’s where I’m struggling:

I’d like to choose that victim role every day but… My choices roundabout got me here. I can choose better. I can choose smarter. I know this now. Maybe I’ve always known and I’m just now remembering, but that’s another story.

I choose to sit on the couch wallowing in misery and self pity. I’m choosing to be effectively crippled by self doubt and anxiety. I’ve chosen to let depression basically kick my ass all over the place.

Fear and anxiety (which is like, more fear) have basically been holding me back for a few months now. Today I’m choosing to start taking those very small steps toward recovery. My physical condition might still slow me down for now, but I’m going to get my mental, emotional and spiritual health in order.

Tiny steps. “Lean into the suck.”

The same wonderful friend that leveled with me about swirling the drain once said to “Lean into the suck.” I have always loved that phrase because it describes walking home in January Iowa weather perfectly. I literally used to walk or bike everywhere all year round.

It’s true of life, too. Sometimes things get bumpy. Those consequences and ramifications come back around like an exploding boomerang. The solution is to just keep on plowing through it all. It’s tough going, but no one is expecting everything to be done overnight.

I’m taking some pretty small steps. I’m choosing to improve my situation as opposed to choosing to binge on another Netflix series. Today I finish one more project on my to-do list than I did yesterday. One small step forward every day. One small victory building toward the next and so on.

I may not get it all figured out by the 19th of April, but I’m choosing to keep going. I’m determined to move toward abundance and away from lack. I’m determined not to become a permanent resident of my couch. I’m resolute that anxiety and depression do not own me. I intend to take more chances and try new things.

Thanks for being here on this journey with me. More to come on this topic. Take care. Have a lovely weekend.

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