Freedom Day! 11th Month Edition

Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.

Captain’s Log. Stardate: 6.19.2022.

Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.

A family of six surviving on one paycheck in this day and age looks pretty grim. Law of Attraction aficionados would say I chose this. Lord knows I have plenty of reasons to be down these days. Guess I’m choosing depression, too. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just bury my head in the sand and just pretend things were going to improve.

Site engagement has been up.

THANK YOU!

One silver lining this month has been engagement on this site. I saw a couple of beautiful spikes in views earlier this month. Wow! If you’re here, thank you! I appreciate you stopping by.

A lot of the feedback I’ve received from sources such as #ttrpg Twitter has been extremely positive. I’m still somewhat new to blogging and it makes my heart flutter a bit when I hear a compliment. Thank you! Of course, more site traffic isn’t a sign of positive or negative opinions, but I’ll take the up-tick in views. Thank you!

Then there’s a ton of stuff that doesn’t make much sense yet.

I regularly mull over what I’m doing right in terms of writing, parenting, husbanding, adulting, etc. There’s never a super clear answer to any of my questions. It’s not like life comes with a user’s manual. Kinda wish it did some days. (Like, the ones ending in “y.”)

I keep wondering about how to best monetize myself in the roleplaying game market. Kickstarter? Patreon? Maybe just put stuff on Ko-Fi? I’m not sure I’m ready for DriveThruRPG just yet. That would require a finished larger product.

Someone recently mentioned trying out Fiverr. (Coming Soon!) I have often considered doing piece work, short articles, and social media posts. The same wonderful person mentioned possibly doing some ghostwriting or editing. Terrifying, which is why I’m looking into it.

Then again, am I really supposed to be in the RPG market at all? What about writing a novel? (Not as easy as it sounds, btw.) What about life coaching? (LOL! Not sure if I should be coaching or finding one.) What about becoming some sort of spiritual teacher? (*Don’t worry. Andey Fellowes and others would talk me down off that ledge.) What about a self help book? (Uh… 😐)

Figured out what I’m not doing.

That list goes on forever. The most obvious ones include finding another dispatching job. No thanks PTSD. Not today.

Scrubbing floors is right out. Even if my back and pain levels could tolerate it, my wife would likely shoot me. The hours for that kind of work are not worth the pay and effort involved.

Iowa Workforce Development. There’s a reason I’m no longer looking for a job in this state. They were more than happy to help as long as I wasn’t neurodivergent, in pain, and happy to throw my college degree out the window. Iowa needs dental hygienists and welders. Just don’t come around here being one of those sinister teacher types. (*Love you, wife.)

I’m too old and out of shape for retail, restaurants, factories, and office jobs. I have too many values and principles to ever do sales, especially over the phone. Call center jobs tend to become very stressful and triggering about five minutes in. I don’t even think Wal Mart would take me as a door greeter at this point.

In fact, screw working for any kind of big company or corporation ever again. Even if all the corporate culture head trash didn’t make me want to vomit, I’m pretty sure any review I receive is going to trigger me all over the place. That’s assuming we get that far. “Let’s have a meeting” would be followed by me coming completely unglued on someone. No thanks.

Bring my Garden Weasel to work day?

A brilliant and beautiful soul put me onto some new avenues of abundance.

Laura is the best!

I can always count on my friend Laura DiBenedetto to set me straight. She recently clued me into a couple of new avenues to abundance. I’m working on it, but it’s taking a little time. More on that as it develops.

I also continue to practice the skills I learned from The Six Habits. Laura’s book legitimately can and will change your life if you work with it. I may still get down sometimes (depression sucks!) but it’s an ongoing process, much like spiritual awakening.

The human brain creates channels of memory like lava carving its way down the side of a volcano. Practice a habit for 21 days and you can change the channel. Brain cells that fire together wire together. Neuroplasticity can modify those channels to improve your life. Look up Hebb’s Law. A constant practice of Kindness, Acceptance, Gratitude, Presence, Goodness and Intention will yield positive results given enough practice.

I’ve been back into the book lately, myself. Sometimes we get out of practice on certain things. It’s good to go back to basics and remember why we came here.

Gratitude is key.

Okay. I’ll buy that one. I’m so happy and grateful I have a roof over my head and a food on my plate. I’m grateful for all of the wonderful things I have in life. I’m grateful for my family’s health. I’m super extra grateful for my wife’s job. I’m super happy and grateful when I find loose change on the street, too. I’m grateful I met Laura, too.

Gonna go off now…

I’d like to say I’m grateful I got canned from that last gig. Look at all the stuff that’s teaching me. I’m grateful to be walking around with not-two-shits to give about anyone working for a large corporation or what they have to say. I’m grateful Iowa Workforce Development was more than happy to help as long as I did exactly what they wanted me to do. I’m extra grateful the government keeps denying my disability because I love being f’kn broke all the time. I’m grateful every time I log into LinkedIn to find out some other scamtastic pile of refuse has viewed my profile, because it reminds me I’m glad I gave up that damn job search crap months ago.

I know I have some things working against me every day.

Silly “Old Grognard” photo

First up, my age. I turn the big 50 in ten days. Even if I wasn’t long in the beard and bald as a cue ball, my birth certificate does not lie. I could shave tomorrow, but I know in my heart of hearts it will do me no good.

But what does that mean? Why is that so bad? Well, first off, employers really don’t want to see me walk in the door because they know I’m old enough not to take any sh*t that they hand out to the younger new guys.

On every given day, especially now that I’m officially “old,” my health comes into question. Which, I know how much they cringe with FMLA comes up. I literally have no choice but to mention it nowadays. I’m happy to be functional three days out of five most of the time.

My back and my pain tolerance make it pretty hard to do a lot of those fun repetitive motion tasks like mopping floors, scrubbing toilets, running a cash register, stocking shelves, standing all day, and a lot of other things y’all youngins take for granted. In fact, writing is one of the few things I can enjoy doing while sitting down from the comfort of my couch. (Too bad it doesn’t pay better, but we’re working on it.)

As bitterly annoyed as I am becoming toward certain entities, one fact remains prevalent.

No clue wtf I’m doing any more.

I have a family to take care of. That hurts on so many levels I can’t even describe them all. I’m very grateful my wife is taking care of all of us. That’s super.

Sorry, kids. Dad’s kind of a deadbeat. Seriously, I know how it looks. I wish I could provide more. I so desperately want to give more financially. And I live here. Your mom and I are still married somehow.

So, yeah. 11 months into this sh*tshow and I still have more questions than answers. I’m still wrestling with finding myself, accepting my own inadequacies, and fumbling around with what to do. I’m still unable to rub two shince together and have not two sh*ts left to give some days. Improvements are hopefully on the way soon.

Thanks for being here, one and all. I would have liked to have glowing things to say, but it’s been another r month. Onward and upward, I suppose.


Personal Share: Healthy Amount of Skepticism.

The Universe is vast and almost unknowable. There are billions of planets around billions of stars. It all had to start somewhere, right? It is sheer folly to think we’re it when it comes to life in the Universe. It is ridiculous to think there aren’t forces at work outside of what our five paltry human senses can detect.

Possibly the toughest part of being open minded is hearing things you know you don’t agree with.

And what’s really rough is when they turn out to be true. I’ve been listening to this very wise person named Andey Fellowes. @andeyfellowes on Instagram. He’s a skeptic when it comes to “New Age” beliefs and the more esoteric end of spirituality. He’s also a pro at debunking a lot of Law of Attraction myths and bringing logic to a space where it’s not as common.

Andey Fellowes. Brilliant guy! https://andeyfellowes.wordpress.com/

Andey Fellowes has made many good points on Instagram, YouTube and elsewhere.

Fellowes has been through a lot of junk in his life. He’s a cult survivor, specifically Teal Swan’s Tribe. He regularly calls Teal’s teachings into question along with those of Ralph Smart and several others. He also suffers from depression, the same as many of us have. He’s also come back to spirituality after being an atheist.

I’ve called some of Ralph Smart’s rhetoric and background into question in the past as well. Most of it has been taken down off of YouTube and Instagram. Fellowes has also called Aaron Doughty and other LoA YouTubers into question and for good reasons. I think this is what has been missing for a long time from a lot of the spiritual/self growth/LoA community that I have been listening to.

I don’t agree with everything he says, which I’m sure he would be the first to say is a good thing.

I’m still very “New Age-y” in my beliefs and practices, although I’ve begun to question some things after listening to Fellowes. I still listen to Lori Ladd, The Ninth Dimensional Arcturian Council via Daniel Scranton, The Spirit of the Cosmos, and others regularly. Anna Brown is still one of my heroes. I’m still very much a fan of Aaron Doughty and Jake Ducey. Honestly, I’ll never abandon my friend Laura DiBenedetto and the Six Habits no matter what anyone says.

But here’s the thing- I don’t believe everything anyone says without question. Laura DiBenedetto will be the first to tell you, I ask a LOT of questions. (LOL! True story.) I never blindly follow any one spiritual teacher. That’s cult behavior and we don’t follow that around here.

But I will say I’ve learned a lot listening to Fellowes. He’s put a different spin on things and said a lot of things out loud that I’ve often wondered about. I’ve learned a lot and I’ve begun to look at certain teachings more critically. However, all it does sometimes is strengthen my resolve and belief in Law of Attraction. Freedom, prosperity and joy are all possible and attainable.

What if Light Language is just gibberish? What if channeling is all just psychological? What if a lot of spiritual teachers just use a lot of colorful language and pseudoscience metaphors to push their products and services? Are we ruled by material capitalism and the almighty dollar?

What good is faith if we don’t question it occasionally?

Skepticism is healthy.

I acknowledge The Ninth Dimensional Arcturian Council is kind of a running joke around here. When I started listening to Fellowes, my wife got all hopeful that I had abandoned my spirituality in favor of cold, hard, logical cynicism. Alas, I haven’t and I won’t. My wife can call me crazy all she wants. We’re still married.

The Universe is vast and almost unknowable. There are billions of planets around billions of stars. It all had to start somewhere, right? It is sheer folly to think we’re it when it comes to life in the Universe. It is ridiculous to think there aren’t forces at work outside of what our five paltry human senses can detect.

To doubt is human. Please don’t ever take the word of any one teacher, guru or expert as pure truth. Please explore, doubt and challenge everything. It’s your sovereign right to do so. But, please- never take any one word for all of it?

Let’s talk Ufology again for a second.

Please come get me? Any time. Please do it in broad daylight so everyone can witness it. Proof is a good thing!

I have had multiple tests of faith over the last year or so. One of the biggest was the whole disaster surrounding Añjali. While I won’t get into my opinion of her here, she is part of the reason I changed this blog and my focus onto other endeavours for a while. But I’m still very interested in the topics of extraterrestrials/extradimensional beings, which by default plays into Ufology.

What I don’t buy into any more is this whole notion of Disclosure. Yeah, the governments of the world lie to us like we’re all stupid. Añjali and another known shill, Lue Elizondo, exist to perpetuate the myth. Many agents working for the government and black budget secret access projects have been sent to infiltrate the Ufology and spiritual communities to spy on us and spread misinformation for decades now. I suspect 1952 was the year that all began in earnest.

The fact that there are hundreds (or more) of beings watching and sometimes interacting with humans is being covered up. Send MIB to my house. Go on. I’ll wait. The truth is, they won’t. I have no proof. All I can do is speculate and ask others to do the same. But I know in my heart, these beings, in whatever form they take, (angels, spirits/ghosts, ETs, and so on) have been around for centuries and aren’t going anywhere.

How do I know?

Peace.

I believe. I don’t exactly know. That’s where skeptics come in. They call those beliefs into question.

If God/Source/Universe is real, then why not beings we can’t see or touch with our little 3D bodies? Who’s to say there isn’t some truth to all myths about the Universe? How does one explain events from history and religion since time immemorial?

Science fact, history, and faith all intersect at certain points. Yes, we can explain away miracles. We can dismiss UFO encounters and ET experiences. Sure, let’s try to thoroughly debunk various “pseudoscientific” studies such as the famous double slit experiment and Masaru Emoto’s study on water. What if it’s all legit?

At some point, humankind must choose what to believe and disbelieve. Skepticism can help us maintain balance. Yes. Please do call things into question. If the beliefs end up being false, then so be it. If I’m wrong, I’m willing to admit it. What if we’re trying to dismiss things that actually do exist?

But if I’m right, it all plays out according to the Universal Laws and everything happens for a reason. Multiple timelines do exist. Beings of every sort imaginable are visiting this planet and watching from the moon. The Law of Attraction really can benefit us in theory as well as practice. There really is no such thing as coincidence. Believe. There is one true Source of all life in the Universe and it wants us to know it’s real!

The best part is, no one has to agree with me. Please, make up your own mind. Believe what you wish to believe.

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you. Have a great weekend.

Massive Shout Out!

Please don’t just take my word for it! Please go check out her website. I know I sound biased. She’s a world class coach, professional, CEO, and TEDx speaker among other accolades. She’s done so much and helped many people find joy.

Thank you, Laura DiBenedetto!

Not just a friend, but a force of nature!

Almost out of the blue yesterday, I received a couple of LinkedIn notifications. One was a message from Laura and the other was a comment on one of my blog slugs on LinkedIn. I had commented in that article about wanting to make more money and how I’m a bit stymied at present.

Well, long story short, my very good friend Laura put me onto a couple of ideas that I will be developing further in the coming weeks. I want to expand at my own pace in a way that makes sense for me, but at the same time builds up some financial success for my family.

I’m so ridiculously grateful to know Laura and have had the privilege to work for her a little bit. She’s generous to a fault. She’s always been very helpful. There’s no encouragement like Laura’s. And let’s mention jaw-dropping, heart stopping motivation. Seriously, I get all teary-eyed and speechless.

She’s also honest when needed. I can always count on her to make me face reality and set me straight when I’m all over the place. A more true friend I’m not sure I could ask for in this world and I don’t have that many.

I can’t mention Laura without mentioning The Six Habits.

This book can change your life!

LauraDiBenedetto.com
Please don’t just take my word for it! Please go check out her website. I know I sound biased. She’s a world class coach, professional, CEO, and TEDx speaker among other accolades. She’s done so much and helped many people find joy.

I first discovered Laura on Instagram. Her posts are always off the charts cool. I learned a LOT about life, success, joy and spirituality from her. She’s incredibly wise and still learning. As a side note, she’s the only person I know who retired at 37 years young and then got pulled back into a leadership role many times over.

No, it’s not a cult. Just want to put that out there. I know my recent encounters with Andey Fellowes made me really consider that notion and Laura doesn’t tick those boxes. No worries. She’s one of the good ones.

I have, however, discovered many other amazing folks on Instagram as a result. I’ll shout some of those fine folks out in a future article. Laura has a fantastic circle of friends and is so helpful when it comes to networking!

One thing will always blow my mind when it comes to Laura.

She’s very high class. Like, we’re talking she can hang with people who make six digits or more per year. She’s rock star/Hollywood celebrity caliber. (Ammunition pun intended. See one of her newest ventures.) I so totally admire this lady and would gladly follow in her footsteps were that an option.

Alas, I follow in my own footsteps. I can aspire to my own greatness. I owe her that much. Honestly, I’m not sure how the heck I made it from 2019-Present without The Six Habits and some encouragement of my friend. She would likely say that’s the best any of us can do is carve out our own path and find joy for ourselves.

What still blows my mind is the notion that she’s so classy and high powered but still somehow manages to find the time to chat with lil old me out of the blue. Like, wow. Just… wow.

I can’t thank you enough.

THANK YOU, LAURA!

I still contend I owe you like, uh. Okay I lost count. A LOT, okay. I owe you big time! Thanks for being so awesome!

And thank all of you for stopping by. Lots of love and aloha as my friend would say. I appreciate you. More to come.

Personal Share: Things I’m Avoiding

I’ve had more ups and downs that a yo-yo on a roller coaster this past year. Some days, I know my vibration is pretty stinkin low. Other days, I’m floating on the clouds happy. I think psychologists call that “bipolar” but it does fit…

Procrastination can be productive, but that’s not what I’m here to discuss right now.

Could be better.

We’ll talk about procrastination later. Right now, I want to discuss some things that have been on my mind as of late. My intent is that someone else may benefit from my time on the struggle bus or maybe the fail plane. Not sure yet.

Let’s drop some Law of Attraction knowledge into all of this. In the end, I still believe in the Laws of the Universe, difficult though it is some days. Skepticism is helpful, I suppose. I’ve been avoiding writing this article for a while now.

“Just get a job, deadbeat!”

That’s really the very painful nitty gritty of it all, I guess. I don’t identify as “deadbeat,” “loser,” or “failure.” It’s difficult sometimes. I still hear it, even if someone isn’t saying it out loud. Maybe I’m paranoid and slightly delusional. Who knows? Maybe I’m projecting my insecurities onto others? But identifying with the negatives puts us into a state of lack. Lack mentality is to be avoided if we want to live in the higher state of abundance.

Welcome to the grand struggle of the Law of Attraction. There’s always duality and separation. Light and dark, hot and cold, rich and poor, etc. I’m currently feeling that downward pull of some of that lack in my life.

We’re all reaching for the stars in some way, shape, or form. Right? Show me someone who doesn’t strive for stability (minimum) or prosperity (maximum.) Even billionaires have some sort of goal, right?

So, I’m avoiding the lack mentality by embracing the abundance mentality. It’s the whole concept of “Living in the dream fulfilled.” Okay, what does that look like?

Everything is Energy

Meditation: tapping in.

Atoms are energy. It’s a miracle anything is solid there’s so much energy. We’re swimming in a sea of it. The human eye can only perceive so much of it. Otherwise, we’d probably overwhelmed by all of the differing wavelengths and vibrations around us.

So, the vibrations we emit are of the wavelength we are on. I know. It’s complicated. We receive what we feel if LoA is to be believed.

I’ve had more ups and downs that a yo-yo on a roller coaster this past year. Some days, I know my vibration is pretty stinkin low. Other days, I’m floating on the clouds happy. I think psychologists call that “bipolar” but it does fit…

Am I avoiding prosperity and embracing lack? I think the idea here is to have more good days than bad. I mean, sh*t happens. Sometimes the Universe challenges us with a bad day. Literally God/Source/Universe knows why. Of course, there is no such thing as a coincidence.

Okay, then the hardest part.

I’d be pretty much hosed without my wife.

So, we can not have two shince to rub together and still have to live in the millionaire dream fulfilled. I’m avoiding admitting to myself that I’m as broke as a joke. I avoid identifying as a jobless bum who could literally be one marital disagreement away from living under a bridge somewhere. I’m avoiding the notion that I’m literally depending on my wife for everything. (Man card is on fire again…)

I’m super grateful my wife keeps me around. I’m no Martha Stewart, but I do some housework around here, especially anything to do with the kids. I’m trying not to identify myself as taking advantage of my loving wife. Sometimes I feel like I should do more, but the answer is not always clear as to what.

I get tired a lot. Some mornings the pain is, well, a lot too. I still keep going.

Makes it a little hard to just run right out and get a day job, though. Especially knowing at some point I’m going to have to call in sick to said new job, whatever it is. Most places really start looking at you sideways when you mention FMLA. Suddenly they don’t want to keep you around as bad.

Then there’s the thought that out of over 100 job applications I had one actual interview and one legit callback before rejection. I’m turning 50 this month. I’m sure that has something to do with it. Got fired from the last job after nearly seven years. I’m sure that has something to do with it, too.

So, yeah, I’ve been avoiding admitting that to myself, too. They just don’t want me. And I’m not really young enough to start all over at some damn 9-5, 40+ hours per week scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets again. I’m literally too old and too broken for that crap. Not to mention I damned well deserve more.

Not because of some perceived entitlement or privilege. Not because of my age, gender, skin color or sexuality. Because we ALL deserve better. Every last one of us. Life has kicked us all in the ass too much. Good times are overdue.

As a complete side note- Screw college. That’s right. I’ll freely admit it. Higher education has left me with a degree and a bigger stack of bills to pay. What good has it done? Not very damn much. Especially now that the Internet can make anyone just as smart in far less time without all of the bullsh*t.

Income is Outcome.

Snoopy and I really would.

Here’s where the rubber meets the road. It’s the same LoA question I’ve had from literally day one. How do I increase my wealth? I’m not a life coach, a shrink, a doctor or a lawyer. I don’t have any inventive new product or service to sell that is relatively unique to me. I’m not a craftsman, artisan, journeyman or service man, even. I’m not even a good scam artist (*not that I’ve tried.) So what good and/or service do I have to sell?

I’ve asked that question literally hundreds of times and dozens of people. You know what? They all avoid answering it. Not one guru, expert, or leader wants to touch that one. At least, not for free. (Plenty of life coaches and LoA experts will charge me out the butt for whatever magical secrets they have.)

What saddens me is that even this website, that I love dearly, is costing me way more than it’s bringing in. My wife was generous enough to fund another year of my blog back on May 25th. She keeps getting on my case about how broke I am whether she knows it or not. Or maybe I’m projecting again? (*my therapist would be having a field day with this article.)

What really eats me, though- what really gets to me more than probably anything, is I have all kinds of things I want to do with money. (Not just the usual consumer nonsense, although maybe a little indulgence.) But more than about anything, I want to make sure my family is taken care of. Then I want to start helping people out. Problem is, I can’t do it without money.

One example I’ll give, albeit a minor one, is Kickstarter. When I was employed, I started backing some roleplaying game projects that I believed in. Nowadays? I look at new projects by some of the same folks longing to be able to help out. In some cases, one project might be a major source of income for one year for all I know. Of course, no nothin moolah to help, so not much I can do. “Heh heh. go team. yay…)

Is most of the support I can afford these days.

What about joy?

I have this blog. Yeah, I drop a pretty wide range of stuff from roleplaying games all the way through things like LoA and UFOs. Now that I’m on a roll with it, I really don’t want to let it go. It’s been keeping me sane and then some. I actually enjoy writing. But, as someone likes to remind me, all of my “journalism-ing” isn’t paying the bills. (Her term, not mine.)

The operative theory here is that success is defined by happiness (joy.) If I’m truly happy, I don’t need income. But I feel pretty miserable being a burden on my wife and family. There’s lots of things I want to do for the community and people I care about. Some of them might not even know I exist yet.

So where does that leave me? No, really. Where does that leave me? Can anyone tell me? Anybody?

I hear the crickets chirping again. It’s just me barking in the dark. I’m going to leave it here for tonight. I feel a bit lighter already.

Thanks for being here. I appreciate you, especially if you made it clear to the end of my rantings. More to come. Have a good one.

Open to feedback if you have any.

Freedom Day: May 19th Edition.

What’s the lesson? What’s this trying to teach me? I mean, I’m trying to to wrap my head around a lot of this even now.

Personal Share.

Sigh. It’s the classic best-of-times, worst-of-times scenario. Getting canned from a place where I was miserable might have been better for them than me? Maybe? The verdict is still out on this one. (*Note, I have to tread very carefully with this topic. Certain folk might still be creepin on my socials and here.)

Spiritually, it’s all about the silver lining. What’s the lesson? What’s this trying to teach me? I mean, I’m trying to to wrap my head around a lot of this even now. I’ve done a lot of processing, or at least I’d like to think I have.

Here’s my question: Who’s teaching this class, anyway?

I love Eckhart, believe me.

The very spiritually correct answer is the Universe/Source/God. I’m not trying to force any of this concept on anyone. Take from it what you will. I’m no Eckhart Tolle and my connection with the Divine might not be quite as strong these days? Sorry. That escalated quickly. (*Much like I occasionally poke at Matt Mercer, I seriously doubt Eckhart or his people read my blog.)

If we’re the creator and the creation at the same time, why do we make things hard for ourselves? This question has been relevant for centuries, maybe longer. Sadly, I don’t even have it that bad! Basic human needs met in this 3D lifetime? Check. Anything beyond that? Still working on it.

If you want to stretch the bounds of spirituality a bit, it’s actually me teaching me or my higher self teaching me. And then so on and so forth up the multidimensional food chain all the way to Source. That’s kind of a trippy concept. What? I can’t give myself the proverbial Cliffsnotes?

Karmically, how many times does one have to go through the wringer before we move on?

Early Iron by Maigheach-gheal is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0
This is a wringer for those wondering.

I seem to remember someone saying situations would be repeated until a specific lesson is learned. Now, clothes used to go through the wringer a few times to help them dry, but there came a point where it wasn’t doing any good. So I have to ask, if I continue to flunk the same lesson, do I still get to, uh, “graduate?” Is “graduation” day when we die or the next proverbial day when we get to go answer for everything? The deeper one reaches, the more questions come up to be answered.

My dear old Dad used to say, “It never gets any easier, does it?” The older I get, the more I really understand the question. Not sure I have any more answers than I did when I was 17, but at least I get the question from multiple angles.

Every answer leads to more questions. Some questions are more of a struggle to figure out than others. Sometimes we struggle like crazy just to come full circle to the simplest answer possible. We overlook simple answers due to their lack of complexity. As my good friend Jake once said, “If it was simple, we wouldn’t be here.”

People say I spend too much time in my head and I overthink things. Yeah. I probably do. Then again, I believe anything worth doing is worth the effort. The details are important. If I’m worried and giving something a lot of thought, it’s a sign that I care.

One of my favorite teachers often reminds us that we’re already there.

Anna Brown, who claims to not be a spiritual teacher, but quite often speaks the truth about all things spiritual, really gets it in my opinion. You are already that which you are seeking. There are no answers to search for because you already possess the knowledge. Basically, stop trying to dig philosophically so much because you can just live.

Only, I’m stick-stone-stubborn as hell. I refuse to give up. I refuse to stop beating my head on the metaphysical wall. What the heck am I doing here if not to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing here? I love chasing my tail!

Back to the metaphysical drawing board this month.

I started watching a skeptic named Andey Fellowes on YouTube recently. Please don’t think I’m abandoning my views on spirituality or any of my beliefs. However, some of what Andey has to say does ring a bell. He gets very honest and critical about certain popular spiritual and Law of Attraction teachers and what they’re saying. Honestly, I’ve had some of the same experiences. He’s right about a good number of things.

I’m still kind of a “New Age” guy, though. I’m not changing everything about myself to become an atheist or a former “New Ager” as they are called. I don’t troll Andey, either. In fact, if love and light is your jam, there’s no point in trolling anyone, ever. Especially not someone who is speaking out against your long-held beliefs.

All of that having been said, I’m going back to my spiritual roots through the end of June. I am thoroughly examining what my goals in life are. I’m going to ask myself what I intend to manifest. I’m going to give a lot of mental effort over to changing beliefs that aren’t working for me. My overall goal is to hone the habits that will get me to a better place in life yet. It’s time to get off the struggle bus and find some joy again.

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you. Have a wonderful day wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.

Freedom Day! 9 Month Edition.

I started thinking today. What am I dreaming about now? What is my intention? What do I want to manifest next? I realized I literally don’t have an answer yet.

People have conceived and had babies in the amount of time I’ve been out of work.

Personal share, of course. I was canned on July 19th, 2021. I can’t say who or why, only that it happened. Gotta love NDAs and Severance agreements. It’s been a blessing with a few bumps in the road.

I have applied for numerous jobs and been shot down cold. No interviews. Not even an email thanking me for applying in many cases. I finally stopped applying. I don’t miss it for one second.

Unemployment ran dry. Disability may or may not ever happen. I’m just kinda floating right now. My wife’s income takes care of the bills. Hooray for that. The kids are taken care-of at least.

I tried my hand at freelance writing. All it did was ramp up my anxiety and depression more until I was barely functioning. It wasn’t due to any pressure from the publisher. I just can’t seem to reach a point where criticism, especially of something I hold very dear (writing) is going to be okay.

Here’s the part where I’m supposed to say something super positive, right?

Yeah… screw that noise.

Spiritually, it’s been a learning experience. I freely admit I manifested this kinda weird state of affairs into my own life to learn and grow from it. Hindsight being what it is and all, I guess it’s teaching me something.

I was put here to experience life in my physical form. Okay. I get that part.

We bring about what we put into intention and emotion. I get that, sorta. Somewhere along the way I maybe fouled up on that one. My intention was always freedom. (Loving my freedom from the grind, btw.) My emotions may have been skewed a few times, which I believe has led the Universe to test me even more. Am I really bound for greatness?

New day, new intentions.

I started thinking today. What am I dreaming about now? What is my intention? What do I want to manifest next? I realized I literally don’t have an answer yet.

I know what I’d like to see, obviously, in terms of my family’s well being. But for myself? That’s a bit tougher. I’ve been kind of circling the drain, as a friend pointed out a couple of months ago.

Since then I’ve been doing a little better mentally, I guess. I’ve had to come to terms with where I’m at in life and where I’m headed. Accepting where I am now and the way things are has been a big pill to swallow.

My bags were pretty much all packed when…

2020 Spring Break lasted most of a year. The Icky Cough-Coughs happened and shut the whole planet down. It’s kinda hard to abandon ship in the middle of a pandemic. Although much like my untimely firing, it has turned out to be more a blessing than a curse.

I just need to unpack and move back into my man cave. Spring cleaning this year is going to be arduous at best. It will be sort of nice to have everything back out where I can find it readily again, though. I’m staying for the long term now.

Time to start dreaming again.

You always hear stories in Law of Attraction circles about someone who quit their job, dropped out of mainstream society, started a YouTube channel and is now a millionaire. All through the “magic” of LoA manifestation. Another one of my favorites wrote a bestseller, started his own company and is now a millionaire. In the end, I think that’s kind of my dream, too.

I hear you’re never too old, stupid, or inept to start fresh on the road to a million dollars. There’s only one slight catch that’s been bugging me from Day ONE of my manifestation journey- What in the Actual HELL am I supposed to sell, produce, or show that’s going to make me money? No one ever has an answer.

Honest disclosure- I’m not making a single dime off of this website currently.

I love writing. But I’m doing it all for me. It’s keeping me out of the nut farm most days. It’s not concrete enough for my wife, and as such there might be some pretty ugly changes on the horizon. I dunno.

So, the first dream, and maybe all there is, I just want to write. I want to share my kooky ideas about role playing games, UFOs, ETs, Spirituality, LoA, and a lot of other stuff to a willing and kind audience.

I intend to manifest enough to keep the site up, make my wife happy, help the kids out, and maybe buy a few books to help my fellow creators out. It’s not a huge financial goal, but it’s a plausible start.

In the end, it’s all about happiness. If a couple of articles per day keeps me going through the other stuff, cool. That’s what I intend to do. If one of my writing projects stumbles into a paid product, all the better.

Thank you for being here. I love you and appreciate you as always. Have a great weekend.

Personal Spiritual Share: Existence.

Sometimes the struggle comes before the prosperity. Whenever you’re going through crap, there’s always a lesson on the other side.

It’s been a rough couple of days.

Expectation of injured.

One thing people don’t tend to understand as well about depression is that it doesn’t show on the outside. The same goes for chronic physical pain. Just because there’s no fence post sticking through my neck, doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain every day both emotionally and physically.

I’ve said before that if pain is fear leaving the body, I can walk up to Godzilla and kick him in the nuts. I ain’t scared of nothin. (*Editor’s note: Yes, that’s horrible grammar.) But the point is: I’ve had my freakin fill of pain and fear both. I’m done.

There’s ALWAYS a lesson!

Quick story for ya. The other day I went to my kids’ ballgames and dropped them off to their respective teams. Grandview Little League is notorious for having very little available parking on Saturdays during game days. I circled around a few times and couldn’t find a space. So, out of sheer frustration, I took the car home and walked back to the baseball field. It only takes about 15-20 minutes. I used to do that kind of thing all the time where I grew up.

So, I get back to the ballpark and walk past my usual parking space only to find it wide open. I busted out laughing because you just can’t make this stuff up. The Universe taught me a lesson that day. Sometimes the struggle comes before the prosperity. Whenever you’re going through crap, there’s always a lesson on the other side.

Taking it one or two steps further.

Walk with me for a moment figuratively. IFF we’re spiritual beings having a physical experience, then the human body is basically a lens through which experiences are focused-in-on and perceived. These fleshy suits we wear in 3D reality are like a magnifying glass for experiences and feelings in the physical. (Editor’s Note: If you really want to blow your mind, multiply everything by millions upon billions of beings across the universe and alternate reality timelines. It’s staggering!)

As a collective consciousness, Earth is a big classroom with the Universe/God/Source as our teacher. Everything we all experience together is then a spiritual lesson for us all. Every moment of joy, triumph, or passion teaches us something. Likewise, so does lack, pain, and suffering.

I think we all know what we would prefer to experience while we’re here on Earth. The hard part is experiencing all of the things we don’t prefer in order to learn what we do prefer. For example, we have all at some time experienced lack (of some sort,) so we know what an abundance looks like. We’ve all been sad, so we know what joy looks like.

It’s hard to be grateful for the negative stuff.

Yet I am, because without it, I wouldn’t know what the awesomeness on the other side will look like. As an aside, because I do know what much better times look like, I know the sad times won’t last forever. Until then, I’m grateful for what I have.

Thank you all for being here. Have a fabulous weekend.

Praying for Ukraine Right Now.

I’m very sad for humanity right now. The US is proving to be morally and ethically bankrupt from within. Now Russia has started hostilities in the Ukraine. Can we please leave a world where we can tell our children we did the right thing?

Here’s an article I would have rather not written.

Praying for our planet tonight.

I’m sad for humanity tonight. We might well be on the path to our own extinction. Why? What’s it all for?

I don’t want to hear whatever cockamamie story the mass news and propaganda outlets cooked up this time. Seriously, we fended off WW3 this long. Why now? What’s the point?

Not that either will read it, but-

Dear Mr Putin,

Please come up with a reason to have a lasting peace. Please, pull back your troops. No reasons needed. No blame. Stand down. Stop the insanity before we all lose. Please prevent further bloodshed. It’s not too late.

Dear President Biden,

Please stop whatever plans you have that may lead to an extinction level event on our planet now, while you still can. It’s okay to declare peace. Fewer people are likely to die from it, and you’ll still save face in the end. Do it for our children and grandchildren. Leave them a world to inherit.

Thank you.

As the world may not exist this time tomorrow, I love you. It’s been fun.

And if I’m wrong, then I’ll be back with all kinds of fun stuff for roleplaying games. Seriously, boardgames, roleplaying games and miniatures wargames are fictional. For the love of God, can we please just keep the fighting on the table with dice and miniatures?

I appreciate all of you. Thank you!

I should say it more.

Please Pray for Immediate, Lasting Peace!

Thank you. Namaste

Minimum Wage (Off Topic)

Don’t beg the government to help. Tell these billionaires to start giving back a little. What’s a BILLION dollars more toward the people who work for them worth?

The United States Makes Me Feel Sad.

Someone quoted what the richest men in America make. $189+ Billion? 216+ Billion? Minimum wage hasn’t moved significantly in a couple of decades. Anyone else see a problem here?

It’s no wonder people are quitting their jobs in record numbers. It’s no wonder McDonald’s posted a letter intended to strike fear into the hearts of people thinking of quitting. Corporate America is mentally ill at the top. I’m sorry. It’s true.

The problem does not involve government.

For the record, I’m not down with Communists nor Socialists. We don’t need the government to step in to “tax the rich.” Why? Have you seen how much these politicians make? Congress can vote itself a pay raise anyway. There’s no sense going after them.

This involves company leadership being smart enough to hand out PAY INCREASES! Screw minimum wage. Hire people at $15 an hour or more. Hell, look at the cost of living in any giving operating area and match it!

Will it ever happen? Optimistically, I still doubt it. You really don’t make billions by philanthropy and paying really good wages all the way to the bottom. Most of the time middle management is where the pay begins to drop off.

Not to sound super old fashioned, but we should all be so lucky.

We’re supposed to look up to our leaders in business, finance, education, politics, entertainment and so on, right? We want to be in that 1%, right? Personally, I never begrudge someone for being rich. Good for them! They made it. I love money! I would love to have more of it.

Sadly, most won’t give back. Most don’t give back. Amazon can afford to put William Shatner into space, but their truck drivers are peeing into a jar for fear of falling behind schedule. See the disparity?

I could get by on a million dollars or less per year.

I’m guessing most of us can, regardless. But would it really hurt Elon Musk to take a pay cut and pay his people more? Could Besos get by on half of what he makes in a year and pay his drivers to take a break occasionally? How hard can it be?

Seriously, if I ever hit millionaire status, I’ll probably pull up roots and move off the grid in the North woods somewhere. That’s kind of still the dream. Will I make sure my family and my workers (however few there may be) are paid very handsomely for their help? Absolutely. I promise, if I ever hit big and have the funds, I’ll gladly give back. It’s the least someone can do from that position.

Have a lovely week. Please stay healthy. Stay hydrated. Please be kind to one another. See ya soon.

Can We Just Get Back to Gaming?

If something is making you or someone else uncomfortable at the table or even out of game, please speak up. Throw up a red flag. Use the X card. Hopefully we covered it in Session Zero, but if we missed it, PLEASE SPEAK UP! Even if you have to pull the GM or another player aside in the middle of play and stop the game. It’s better to halt play than suffer in silence. As a GM, I’d rather kick one bitter old veteran player than have a new player go home in tears. I’m not in the RPG hobby to make people uncomfortable. No denial. I just want to have fun.

I’m probably going to get called all kinds of “-ist” and “-phobe” for this one, but hear me out, please?

I saw someone today whom I was following on Twitter blocked me presumably for political reasons. This person claimed to be a gamer. The account was actually listed under “So-and-so” Games. (Real name kept confidential.)

Yet I would constantly read this person’s post about how someone is a transphobe because they refused to acknowledge a specific pronoun. And how this other person was a racist because of this political affiliation. Furthermore we shouldn’t follow @X, Y, or Z because they’re one of those reviled Republicans.

Sorry, not what I signed onto RPG Twitter for.

RPG Twitter still makes UFO Twitter look like a government run haunted house, but lately things have been getting a bit touchy over in RPG land, too. Admittedly, it’s not as serious as infiltration by a three letter government agency, but it’s getting about as bothersome at times. Folks, I left my baggage over in UFO Twitter. I only go back there to visit a few friends.

I came to RPG Twitter to talk tabletop roleplaying. I want to talk punching Orcs in the face and slaying dragons. I want to talk mecha battles and starships. Sign me up for my Morpher or my cape and armor. Maybe it’s the “Old Grognard” talking, but when did rpgs become about transgender politics and political parties?

I’ve said before, I should come with a trigger warning.

Look, I can’t help that I was born the was I was born any more than the next person. Here’s the thing- I don’t care if you’re Black, Lesbian, Trans, Neurodivergent, Atheist, Disabled or much of anything else as long as you’re not hurting anyone. As long as your whole thing isn’t hate, harm, or abuse of some kind, you’re probably okay to come game.

Republican? Who cares? Democrat? Same. Green Party? Dude. Nazi? Stay the Hell away from my family. It’s easy. We just don’t discuss real world politics in game, EVER! It’s a rule.

Same with religion. I’m spiritual, not religious. There’s a difference. Sure, we have clerics in fantasy roleplaying. But that’s different than real world religion and spirituality.

I might slip a moral into my story occasionally as a GM, especially when I’m gaming with my kids. If they pick up on it, we’ll talk about it. Easy enough. My wife does life lessons in her classroom, too. I promise she has no sinister agenda at school or in our gaming sessions.

I don’t come to the gaming table or rpg related social media to discuss that serious real world stuff. I’m a married old white guy with kids. I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. I don’t try to hide it, but I don’t try to push it down anyone’s throat, either. You do you, okay?

Let’s talk about what we’re for, not what we’re against, okay?

I’m all FOR Universal love, peace, understanding, prosperity for all, and joy. Let’s all get along, even if we disagree on some points. Let’s thrive together and have some fun along the way. Now you know where I’m coming from.

That’s one of the biggest problems in the United States right now. People, especially our politicians, are in a hurry to tell you, “I stand against this because my opponent stands for it.” But never, “I firmly stand for this because I believe people will benefit from it.”

Contrary to that, I will definitely say, “I’m NOT here to offend people.” Trolls and haters can go for a walk and self-reflect. If I manage to cheese you off, please come talk to me?

So, what do people stand for, exactly? Be proud of who you are in the real world. Great. I certainly hope you are as long as you’re not extremist about it. I stand for being kind, gentle, generous, loving, and decent to one another. Love, joy, and prosperity should be very high one everyone’s priority list on any given day, but I can’t force it.

Honestly, family. I get that we have a shit-ton of problems in the real world. There are plenty of communities out there that are far better equipped to deal with some of them than the ttrpg family. My best advice for rpg groups where everyone isn’t familiar with one another:

In Other Awful RPG News…

I know we’ve had a major problem on RPG Twitter come up where a guy abused his power as a GM and social influence for sex and that shit is NOT OKAY! This person was an actual play streamer and GM for several groups. He welcomed a lot of us, me included, into the RPG Twitter sphere. He used his influence/authority to try to get sexual favors from female players. At the very least, he was making some very uncomfortable advances toward his female players. We’ve had a few other people stand up with him. Again, there is no part of his/their behavior that is okay.

Don’t defend the abuser. Don’t attack victims. NEVER BLAME THE VICTIMS! How many times do I have to say that on this blog? It’s not just ET contact experiencers. It’s anyone who has experienced major trauma.

If something is making you or someone else uncomfortable at the table or even out of game, please speak up. Throw up a red flag. Use the X card. Hopefully we covered it in Session Zero, but if we missed it, PLEASE SPEAK UP! Even if you have to pull the GM or another player aside in the middle of play and stop the game. It’s better to halt play than suffer in silence. As a GM, I’d rather kick one veteran player than have a new player go home in tears. I’m not in the RPG hobby to make people uncomfortable. No denial. I just want to have fun.

I stand in SUPPORT of the VICTIMS. Likewise, I stand with my trans, gay, and lesbian friends, too. Yes, Black Lives Matter. So do Asian lives and Jewish lives. This all goes back to one basic thing. Can we all just please be good to one another on this planet? We’re all we have.

I love you all. I’m grateful for you. Please be good to one another this week. Please stand in the good and the light wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. Take care. See ya soon.

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