…right up until I look around me or I look in my wallet. I’m cool right up until we have another discussion about bills or my kids want to stop at the Burger King drive-through. I’m one happy sonuvagun as long as I’m out in nature, away from the commercial world, with no distractions.
Everything works out in divine timing.
Despite all of the adversity, all of the struggle, and all of the nonsense that has gone down since- I’m still here. I don’t miss it. I get to spend my time doing what I want to do. To think I chose this. WE chose this.
Earth life can be tiring. As a luminous spiritual being having a physical experience beyond the Veil of Forgetfulness on a 3D/4D planet, we volunteered for this. I can’t definitively say “Earth is ascending.” Maybe it is? It’s no 2020, but after this past year in my life? There’s a lot of things I wonder about.
I try to imagine it other ways.
What if I was still working in that place? (That fired me.) I was about at the end of my rope with them anyway. The PTSD is real, folks. Maybe not war-in-Afghanistan real, but real enough. If it weren’t for all of the NDA crap I had to sign for my severance package, I’d have some four letter words for certain people even now. (But we wouldn’t want someone trawling my social media for lawsuit fuel. LOL!)
What if I had fled town with some meager possessions? What if I had a tuna salad sandwich for breakfast? Who knows what might have taken place in alternate timelines? We may never know. The way time works is a very freaky thing to us. Then again, reality might be a mystery compared to what we <think> it is.
Someone very wise keeps reminding me I’m not a victim.
I’ll admit I’m stubborn. I might be a bit thick headed when it comes to certain lessons. I have to be reminded regularly that life happens as a result of choices we make. Experiences happen for us, not to us. There’s no one else pulling all the strings. It starts and stops with us.
Choices lead to suffering. Suffering leads to depression. Depression leads to sitting on the couch for days not wanting to make any more choices that could potentially hurt again. Yup. Being honest. Do I choose to feel depressed? Hell no!
Maybe brain chemistry plays into depression cycles a bit. Sleep, stress, and other physiological concerns affect hormones and brain chemistry. Depression is an ugly cycle that feeds on itself in a downward spiral. The only way out is through. Getting out of an old pattern usually involves making a choice to start a new habit or rework an old one.
Previous generations hid their physical and emotional pain.
Not me. My generation grew up with way more psychological education. Good old Gen X with our Ritalin and Prozac growing up. The stigma of being labeled as “crazy” was just starting to come off. That nice President of the US during the 1980’s was even nice enough to deinstitutionalize a lot of people.
I don’t have all of the numbers in front of me, but I know mental healthcare is on another rapid decline in this country and in Iowa specifically. It might be the only thing going downhill faster than education, and that’s a sad state of affairs.
My dad’s generation never talked about their feelings. They drank, smoked, gambled, did dope, and had sex to distract from all of their problems. The men of that era were badasses. Unfortunately that meant we, their children, never learned to talk about our feelings in a meaningful way and inherited all those distractions.
It’s not that they didn’t feel pain. I’m sure the problems may people in older generations experienced were more harsh than the ones we face today. Sometimes the farther back one goes, the worse it seems in terms of physical labor, political strife, emotional trauma, and so on.
Depression is real.
Just ask my therapist, or really any therapist. I am not my feelings. I am a person who feels things. It’s tough to remember that sometimes. I choose how I feel. And yet, I still feel depressed? Can’t I just choose to be happy all the time?
Yeah, right up until I look around me or I look in my wallet. I’m cool right up until we have another discussion about bills or my kids want to stop at the Burger King drive-through. I’m one happy sonuvagun as long as I’m out in nature, away from the commercial world, with no distractions. Peaceful, quiet times are truly some of the happiest times for me.
I can’t just go live in a cave off the grid somewhere or I would have probably done it by now. Sometimes life is about choices we didn’t make. I could choose to be in physical and emotional pain every day at a job I don’t care about that leaves me incredibly unfulfilled. But I’m a heck of a lot happier this way than I was then.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
I’ve been at this human business for 50+ years now. The more answers I find, the more questions I have. It’s a never-ending cycle of experiences and discovery. I’m not going to have it all figured out in one night.
Thanks for listening to me vent. I’m grateful you’re here. I appreciate you! Back to more gaming content after this. Deep discussion again soon, too.
All I can do is speak my truth when it comes to pain. I wake up every day feeling as if I have been beaten with a sack of hammers one at a time.
Yay! or is it yay?
It’s officially been one year since I was um, uh, “released” from my job. On one hand it was a blessing. Spiritually, I’m still grateful for this on so many levels. I still have to be careful with what I say because of all the NDA and Severance Agreements. (Grrr.) On the other hand, being broke is kinda not fun…
This is going to be another bittersweet rant on my part. I’ve still got plenty of emotional and psychological scars that may never actually heal entirely. I intend to put myself on a timeline for my greatest and highest good, but it’s been some serious work getting there so far. Therapy has definitely been super helpful.
Pain. Physical, mental and emotional friggin pain.
All I can do is speak my truth when it comes to pain. I wake up every day feeling as if I have been beaten with a sack of hammers one at a time. As a result, sometimes I have to call in sick to work, or at least that used to be the case. It got to the point where I had to apply for FMLA. My body has been used and self abused enough over the years that it just doesn’t function as well as it used to.
Fibromyalgia sucks. Arthritis sucks. Exhaustion sucks. Pain pretty much sucks. There, I said it.
I fight depression a lot. It’s been a year long battle not to feel like a total failure. I know I’m not, but sometimes I need to remind myself of that. Not having a job has left a bruise on my ego- a pretty big one.
I think some things may have been said prior to my unfortunate separation from that company that are still gnawing on me even today. Without getting into specifics, I flunked a friggin PTSD survey for crying out loud. Or passed with flying colors depending on how you look at it. (Whichever result we didn’t want? Yeah. That one.) My therapist says I’m still hanging onto a lot of anger and resentment, too.
I still can’t deal with criticism. It’s not pretty. I don’t even like going out in public. I know it sounds terrible.
Healing following the end of any relationship, including a job, takes a long time.
I keep telling myself I’m past it. I’m over it. I’m good. I’m happier without it than with it. For the most part I am over it. Really. I’m good.
Then something comes up to remind me I have zero income. My pride kinda steps in to remind me I’m not a breadwinner in a family of six. My oldest son has started busing tables at a restaurant. My next oldest is mowing lawns all summer. I’m working on… I intend to be a writer.
I turned 50 less than a month ago. It’s been a rough year. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting better. I can almost go out in public sometimes, for a short while. I’m still not big on “people-ing.” as my wife and oldest say it. Criticism tends to start a spiral ending in my poor therapist. Yeah. My therapist is awesome, though.
It’s not all doom and gloom.
My wife, Heather, has been incredibly supportive through this whole thing. I’m pretty happy and grateful every day because I’m living in a house with my family. We have enough to eat. The bills are getting paid. She’s a super mom when it comes to taking care of the kids. She’s also an A+ baker.
I appreciate her a whole lot. She’s very camera shy, so no pic. Thanks, Honey!
My friend Laura DiBenedetto once asked me to draw up a list of 50 things I’m thankful for. It’s a good exercise. When you’re down it’s not as easy as it sounds, though. I think I actually did a hundred once. It’s 25 daily if you’re following The Six Habits Workbook. Regardless, the idea is I have plenty to be grateful for. I really am grateful for each and every one.
This website, my blog especially, has benefitted from me not traipsing out the door to work every day. Once toxic corporate culture wasn’t sucking the creativity and will to live out of me, I became much more productive. This blog means so very much to me. It’s been a daily endeavor for me every day since I rebranded it at the start of the year. I love writing!
It was for the best all around, I suppose.
Was I the best employee? No. I mean, they did gimme the ax, didn’t they? Sadly, it wasn’t an issue with my skills as much as my attitude and my willingness to call bullshit when I see it. I don’t imagine the FMLA helped, but of course we can’t prove anything or really speak of such matters. BUT, it’s nice not having to be out of the house for 48 hours per week and deal with all the Mcgarbage of corporate life. I guess they did what they thought was “best for the company.”
Personally, other than missing the paycheck, I don’t miss all the bull I had to put up with (no specifics.) One of my main objections to the job, besides having one, was that I was working in an industry known to be incredibly destructive to the Earth. It was tough to reconcile spiritually every day.
In a very general sense, I believe it best to put people before profits. I also think it’s better to promote creation over destruction, which some industries globally are pretty horrible about. Last, I prefer prosperity for all over greed. Despite any company’s lip service, win-win usually doesn’t happen.
Disclaimer: Some people mistake me for a Socialist or a Communist. Now, to be fair, I have studied about both quite a bit over the years. If we’re being honest, some tenets of a socialist democracy do appeal. Unfortunately it’s prone to abuse, corruption, misinterpretation, and ultimately suffering. So, love our government and economic system in the US or hate it? Still better than the alternatives as far as I’m concerned.
Flowers grow in shit, too- metaphorically and practically. I ought to know. I’ve seen enough of it.
I’m grateful I’m no longer working in that awful place, or any awful place for that matter. I love my family a lot more than I hate dealing with big businesses. More importantly, being on my own in the “workforce” has been a huge blessing!
Think about it. No job gets me more time with my family. Theoretically a cleaner house. (Still working on that. See also, kids.) I get to go to ball games and roleplaying games that I wouldn’t have gotten to otherwise. My wife loves all the attention she gets these days, I think.
Not to brag, but I get to rest on the pain flare days. No one freaks out when I say I have to stay home. On the days when everyone is in school (my wife is a teacher) I get the whole house to myself. Just me and the cats. Still… I get to meditate, nap, eat stuff out of the air fryer, write, play video games, and run errands. It’s freakin amazeballs!
If anyone thinks I’m ever going back to a corporate environment of any kind, they’re sadly, tragically mistaken.
Startups, small businesses, local endeavors, individuals are more than welcome to invite me in/ hire me. (<gulp!> I guess.) I’ve been known to bend over backwards to help doing volunteer work back in ye olde days. These days, I’d work for credit on the right project. I’m not sure about working pro-bono these days, but I might consider it for the right person.
The one thing I will never go back to, short of a corner office and a six digit salary (LOL!) is a large, unfeeling, uncaring, nameless, faceless, rotten corporation. (Which ones are rotten? Umm…)
About the time anyone started talking yearly performance reviews, big meetings, (forced) peer interactions, or any of that other corporate Mc-culture crap? I’d be out the door. The last thing I want is to put myself in a position where the review makes waterboarding seem like a summer olympic event. I will never do harsh criticism again without going off and I will happily die on that hill before I let anyone tear me down.
That is one nervous breakdown I do NOT need ever again. You could call me into a meeting with six or seven people to tell me I’m employee of the year and I’ll be f’kn absent as Hell or fightin mad. I don’t care. If I even sense it in the air, I’m gone!
Let’s be honest. Working for myself is where it’s at.
Yeah, my profits have been down since January. It’s easy to claim $0 on my taxes yet. However, we’re into July without any pesky profits. It’s like we’re selling money repellant around here. Oh, wait. Okay, we’re giving away too many free samples of money repellant. Check.
(I WAS JOKING!)
All joking aside, better times are on the horizon. I’m working on new ways of monetizing my endeavors. I intend to have some kind of income flowing within the next year. It’s going to get better. Seriously, that’s the next hill I’m willing to die on so to speak.
I truly love being my own boss. I haven’t applied to work at someone else’s business since February. Really, it’s the best way for me to go. I’m happy like this. I’m free to do just about anything I set my mind to. I wish I had come up with a plan to do this years ago.
I’m going to consider doing some freelance or contract work in the coming year. It’s similar to working completely for myself and it pays better. I’m also going to get something published one of these days, even if it’s small, electronic (pdf) publication to start getting myself out there. Part of the key to getting discovered is appearing somewhere, right?
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!
Seriously. I can’t think you enough. I appreciate you being here. I love having readers. I love having people visit the site. You’re awesome! Thank you!
Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.
Captain’s Log. Stardate: 6.19.2022.
Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up.
A family of six surviving on one paycheck in this day and age looks pretty grim. Law of Attraction aficionados would say I chose this. Lord knows I have plenty of reasons to be down these days. Guess I’m choosing depression, too. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just bury my head in the sand and just pretend things were going to improve.
Site engagement has been up.
One silver lining this month has been engagement on this site. I saw a couple of beautiful spikes in views earlier this month. Wow! If you’re here, thank you! I appreciate you stopping by.
A lot of the feedback I’ve received from sources such as #ttrpg Twitter has been extremely positive. I’m still somewhat new to blogging and it makes my heart flutter a bit when I hear a compliment. Thank you! Of course, more site traffic isn’t a sign of positive or negative opinions, but I’ll take the up-tick in views. Thank you!
Then there’s a ton of stuff that doesn’t make much sense yet.
I regularly mull over what I’m doing right in terms of writing, parenting, husbanding, adulting, etc. There’s never a super clear answer to any of my questions. It’s not like life comes with a user’s manual. Kinda wish it did some days. (Like, the ones ending in “y.”)
I keep wondering about how to best monetize myself in the roleplaying game market. Kickstarter? Patreon? Maybe just put stuff on Ko-Fi? I’m not sure I’m ready for DriveThruRPG just yet. That would require a finished larger product.
Someone recently mentioned trying out Fiverr. (Coming Soon!) I have often considered doing piece work, short articles, and social media posts. The same wonderful person mentioned possibly doing some ghostwriting or editing. Terrifying, which is why I’m looking into it.
Then again, am I really supposed to be in the RPG market at all? What about writing a novel? (Not as easy as it sounds, btw.) What about life coaching? (LOL! Not sure if I should be coaching or finding one.) What about becoming some sort of spiritual teacher? (*Don’t worry. Andey Fellowes and others would talk me down off that ledge.) What about a self help book? (Uh… 😐)
Figured out what I’m not doing.
That list goes on forever. The most obvious ones include finding another dispatching job. No thanks PTSD. Not today.
Scrubbing floors is right out. Even if my back and pain levels could tolerate it, my wife would likely shoot me. The hours for that kind of work are not worth the pay and effort involved.
Iowa Workforce Development. There’s a reason I’m no longer looking for a job in this state. They were more than happy to help as long as I wasn’t neurodivergent, in pain, and happy to throw my college degree out the window. Iowa needs dental hygienists and welders. Just don’t come around here being one of those sinister teacher types. (*Love you, wife.)
I’m too old and out of shape for retail, restaurants, factories, and office jobs. I have too many values and principles to ever do sales, especially over the phone. Call center jobs tend to become very stressful and triggering about five minutes in. I don’t even think Wal Mart would take me as a door greeter at this point.
In fact, screw working for any kind of big company or corporation ever again. Even if all the corporate culture head trash didn’t make me want to vomit, I’m pretty sure any review I receive is going to trigger me all over the place. That’s assuming we get that far. “Let’s have a meeting” would be followed by me coming completely unglued on someone. No thanks.
A brilliant and beautiful soul put me onto some new avenues of abundance.
I can always count on my friend Laura DiBenedetto to set me straight. She recently clued me into a couple of new avenues to abundance. I’m working on it, but it’s taking a little time. More on that as it develops.
I also continue to practice the skills I learned from The Six Habits. Laura’s book legitimately can and will change your life if you work with it. I may still get down sometimes (depression sucks!) but it’s an ongoing process, much like spiritual awakening.
The human brain creates channels of memory like lava carving its way down the side of a volcano. Practice a habit for 21 days and you can change the channel. Brain cells that fire together wire together. Neuroplasticity can modify those channels to improve your life. Look up Hebb’s Law. A constant practice of Kindness, Acceptance, Gratitude, Presence, Goodness and Intention will yield positive results given enough practice.
I’ve been back into the book lately, myself. Sometimes we get out of practice on certain things. It’s good to go back to basics and remember why we came here.
Gratitude is key.
Okay. I’ll buy that one. I’m so happy and grateful I have a roof over my head and a food on my plate. I’m grateful for all of the wonderful things I have in life. I’m grateful for my family’s health. I’m super extra grateful for my wife’s job. I’m super happy and grateful when I find loose change on the street, too. I’m grateful I met Laura, too.
I’d like to say I’m grateful I got canned from that last gig. Look at all the stuff that’s teaching me. I’m grateful to be walking around with not-two-shits to give about anyone working for a large corporation or what they have to say. I’m grateful Iowa Workforce Development was more than happy to help as long as I did exactly what they wanted me to do. I’m extra grateful the government keeps denying my disability because I love being f’kn broke all the time. I’m grateful every time I log into LinkedIn to find out some other scamtastic pile of refuse has viewed my profile, because it reminds me I’m glad I gave up that damn job search crap months ago.
I know I have some things working against me every day.
First up, my age. I turn the big 50 in ten days. Even if I wasn’t long in the beard and bald as a cue ball, my birth certificate does not lie. I could shave tomorrow, but I know in my heart of hearts it will do me no good.
But what does that mean? Why is that so bad? Well, first off, employers really don’t want to see me walk in the door because they know I’m old enough not to take any sh*t that they hand out to the younger new guys.
On every given day, especially now that I’m officially “old,” my health comes into question. Which, I know how much they cringe with FMLA comes up. I literally have no choice but to mention it nowadays. I’m happy to be functional three days out of five most of the time.
My back and my pain tolerance make it pretty hard to do a lot of those fun repetitive motion tasks like mopping floors, scrubbing toilets, running a cash register, stocking shelves, standing all day, and a lot of other things y’all youngins take for granted. In fact, writing is one of the few things I can enjoy doing while sitting down from the comfort of my couch. (Too bad it doesn’t pay better, but we’re working on it.)
As bitterly annoyed as I am becoming toward certain entities, one fact remains prevalent.
I have a family to take care of. That hurts on so many levels I can’t even describe them all. I’m very grateful my wife is taking care of all of us. That’s super.
Sorry, kids. Dad’s kind of a deadbeat. Seriously, I know how it looks. I wish I could provide more. I so desperately want to give more financially. And I live here. Your mom and I are still married somehow.
So, yeah. 11 months into this sh*tshow and I still have more questions than answers. I’m still wrestling with finding myself, accepting my own inadequacies, and fumbling around with what to do. I’m still unable to rub two shince together and have not two sh*ts left to give some days. Improvements are hopefully on the way soon.
Thanks for being here, one and all. I would have liked to have glowing things to say, but it’s been another r month. Onward and upward, I suppose.
Please don’t just take my word for it! Please go check out her website. I know I sound biased. She’s a world class coach, professional, CEO, and TEDx speaker among other accolades. She’s done so much and helped many people find joy.
Thank you, Laura DiBenedetto!
Almost out of the blue yesterday, I received a couple of LinkedIn notifications. One was a message from Laura and the other was a comment on one of my blog slugs on LinkedIn. I had commented in that article about wanting to make more money and how I’m a bit stymied at present.
Well, long story short, my very good friend Laura put me onto a couple of ideas that I will be developing further in the coming weeks. I want to expand at my own pace in a way that makes sense for me, but at the same time builds up some financial success for my family.
I’m so ridiculously grateful to know Laura and have had the privilege to work for her a little bit. She’s generous to a fault. She’s always been very helpful. There’s no encouragement like Laura’s. And let’s mention jaw-dropping, heart stopping motivation. Seriously, I get all teary-eyed and speechless.
She’s also honest when needed. I can always count on her to make me face reality and set me straight when I’m all over the place. A more true friend I’m not sure I could ask for in this world and I don’t have that many.
I can’t mention Laura without mentioning The Six Habits.
LauraDiBenedetto.com Please don’t just take my word for it! Please go check out her website. I know I sound biased. She’s a world class coach, professional, CEO, and TEDx speaker among other accolades. She’s done so much and helped many people find joy.
I first discovered Laura on Instagram. Her posts are always off the charts cool. I learned a LOT about life, success, joy and spirituality from her. She’s incredibly wise and still learning. As a side note, she’s the only person I know who retired at 37 years young and then got pulled back into a leadership role many times over.
No, it’s not a cult. Just want to put that out there. I know my recent encounters with Andey Fellowes made me really consider that notion and Laura doesn’t tick those boxes. No worries. She’s one of the good ones.
I have, however, discovered many other amazing folks on Instagram as a result. I’ll shout some of those fine folks out in a future article. Laura has a fantastic circle of friends and is so helpful when it comes to networking!
One thing will always blow my mind when it comes to Laura.
She’s very high class. Like, we’re talking she can hang with people who make six digits or more per year. She’s rock star/Hollywood celebrity caliber. (Ammunition pun intended. See one of her newest ventures.) I so totally admire this lady and would gladly follow in her footsteps were that an option.
Alas, I follow in my own footsteps. I can aspire to my own greatness. I owe her that much. Honestly, I’m not sure how the heck I made it from 2019-Present without The Six Habits and some encouragement of my friend. She would likely say that’s the best any of us can do is carve out our own path and find joy for ourselves.
What still blows my mind is the notion that she’s so classy and high powered but still somehow manages to find the time to chat with lil old me out of the blue. Like, wow. Just… wow.
THANK YOU, LAURA!
I still contend I owe you like, uh. Okay I lost count. A LOT, okay. I owe you big time! Thanks for being so awesome!
And thank all of you for stopping by. Lots of love and aloha as my friend would say. I appreciate you. More to come.
I’m working on a couple of projects that I’m very excited about or at least I should be. I’m sworn to secrecy, so I can’t say what they are, but they’re very important to me. It’s also very exciting.
That’s all fine and well, but the old sinking feelings set in. I start asking all the wrong questions in my head. What if I fail? What if I miss my deadline? What if no one likes it? What if my wife gets on me for spending more time on this than housework or finding a “real” job. What if I’m successful? Ooh pressure… What if there’s criticism? See also all of my personal PTSD triggers…
Procrastination sets in. I start spending way more time on social media. I play Diablo 3 like it’s going out of style. I do housework until my body says “no more.” The cats are avoiding me because of too many snuggles. Time to be my own therapist for a change. None of this pattern is new to me. Time to break the cycle.
What’s the BEST that can happen?
The worst case scenario has had enough time in the limelight to last me a lifetime. I took Public Relations in college. I know how it works. But I’m done with thinking about what could go wrong. Let’s project what it looks like when things go right.
Use positive affirmations to build confidence back up. If nothing else, I am okay.
Speak it into existence with gratitude for what will happen. “I am so happy and grateful now that I am a successfully published RPG writer.”
Take inspired action. Don’t let those good ideas sit on the shelf.
“Lean into the suck.” (Thanks Laura DiBenedetto!) More on that below.
False Evidence Appearing Real. Let the demons go on a diet. No more fear.
Stay calm. Relax. Breathe. Stay present in the moment. Every now moment.
Get knocked down 99 times. Stand up 100 times. Failure is part of the process.
Do not compare oneself to the images on social media. The grass is always greener in someone else’s front yard.
Finally, criticism is also part of the process. Trust that it isn’t personal. Learn. Grow from it. Keep going with the knowledge that change and growth go hand in hand.
A good friend of mine once said, “Lean into the suck.”
Yes, there’s going to be stress. It’s part of the process. Yes, there are challenges to overcome. If it were totally easy, someone else would have done it by now. Sometimes, you just have to push through all the fear, stress, concerns and challenges to come out on top in that place of gratitude. Even Elon Musk and Jeff Besos have off days and problems to solve.
Inspired action is still action and sometimes that comes with more challenges (or consequences.) I know I have to step out of my comfort zone. I have to reach for those goals. They’re not just going to happen magically while I sit on my couch and meditate. (Yay meditation, but still…)
Yeah, sometimes things are going to suck. There are setbacks. They’re not permanent. Hold my Dr Pepper. I got this.
I have to constantly remind myself I am NOT my feelings.
Sure, I have feelings. (My man card is burning. LOL!) The thing we tend to forget is that we choose our feelings. I’m not in any imminent danger of being eaten by a bear, so I can choose something besides stress.
Yeah, criticism is likely. But my editor is human. I’m still going to put my best foot forward and do my utmost to meet deadline. If it’s not perfect, we’ll figure it out together.
I am not my diagnosis of PTSD, ADHD, depression, anxiety disorder or anything else psychology labels me as having. I am capable of staying positive and present. I can do this. I’ve got this.
Thanks for bearing with me on a personal share. Sometimes I just need to put it down in words to feel my way through things. The interweb is my vision board.
Christmas is right around the corner. I’m still without any kind of meaningful employment if anyone was wondering. Not that I’m bitter, but more on that in a moment. I have started an account on Ko-Fi if you want to buy me a cup of coffee or contribute to my kids’ college funds.
I want to share some love with the people who have been here for me through the year. It’s been…
Good at times. We’ve experienced some real abundance. I’ve felt the “Flow” at times as we say in Law of Attraction circles. I’m going to drop a ton of Instagram links below in a movie-credit style roll for those interested in making new friends. It’s been a good year, in many respects.
Then there was the not-as-amazing stuff. Being unemployed is a blessing and a curse. (Again, more on that later.) Our health held up. Our roof stayed attached through all of the wind storms. Christmas is looking very bright this year. We’re still kicking butt as a single income house so far. Ya know, I keep coming up with all these things to be grateful for, almost like my Higher Self is showing me what to say?
Like, maybe you can’t be super high vibe all the time, but the lows aren’t so low, either. I will honestly say, I’ve had some struggles with depression, anxiety, anger, and pain this year. Depression and pain being the absolute worst of it, but I’ve managed to pull through. The valleys aren’t as deep any more and the hills aren’t as tough to climb.
Okay, taking a minute to spit a little anger at a few groups, because duality exists.
First, I’d like to put a big middle finger in the air up to corporate America. I especially have a mean-on for one specific industry that I can’t mention here for the potential of getting sued. But let’s just say it doesn’t bode well for any of the suit-n-tie-wearing, bottom-line-toting, conference-room-team-meeting, SMART-goal-fucking, overinflated, top-heavy, corporate McAssholes of the world when you treat people like absolute shit and then get around to firing them. In an ironic twist, I hear people are leaving some of those corporate jobs in droves because of shitastic working conditions and poor treatment by management, anyway. Good for them!
Second, another KissMyAss award goes out to #ufotwitter. Yes. You’ve earned it. Stop being pompous, overinflated egoic, know-it-all naysayers who allow no one a differing opinion or outlook. For people fighting for Disclosure and want to “believe” in ETs, UFOs, UAPs or whatever you’re calling them this week? Y’all got a funny way of showing it. Probably because you know the minute meaningful ET contact is made or Disclosure ends publicly, you’re going to have to shut up and your book deal will be gone. Meanwhile, all the government funded disinformation agents and shills out there are finally going to be out of their jobs, too. But, take heart. I hear Iowa Workforce Development will retrain you as an arc welder or dental hygienist for free.
Third, the State of Iowa could sink into the center of the Earth any day now for what it’s worth. Hopefully they can build bridges to connect other states over the crater. We’ll probably find some way to blame the Governor Kim Reaper for it. Our Cov-Icky-Cough-Coughs numbers are higher than most Third World Nations and our employment outlook is horrible. Iowa Workfarce Enforcement only cares about one set of uneducated-but-skilled laborers. If you have a college degree, get ready to step down and take it in the butt or go without a job. But if you’re fresh out of high school or suddenly disillusioned with UFOlogy and can follow instructions like a good little drone, they want you.
A Couple of Other Thoughts While We’re Here.
COVID… I’ve seen so much freakin rhetoric about vax vs anti-vax and mask vs anti-mask. And again, see that bright red state in the middle of the map with the outrageous uptick in reported outbreaks? Yeah… Get your shots or don’t. Wear a mask or don’t. Make the decision for yourself. Just stop talking about it, please. Save our sanity.
Mainstream Media- I have a journalism degree for cryin out loud. (Not that it’s ever made a huge difference.) You know what one of the first things I cut out of my life right after I graduated was? Watching any kind of news broadcast or reading any news outside of the occasional YouTube video or article from an independent website. Even then, I take a lot of it with a grain of salt. Please, do yourselves a favor this holiday season and in life and turn the TV off, stop listening to the bobble headed idiots on morning radio, put the newspaper down, and go outside for some fresh air. Screw politics. To Hell with what the Kardashians are doing now. Fuck COVID. Let the Chinese do whatever they’re going to do today. Ignore Trump entirely. Just go get some fresh air and appreciate the world around you. You’re gonna be so much better off for it.
Let’s talk about that whole “being unemployed” thing for a few.
This is not a dis on people with jobs. We all gotta do what we gotta do. Love ya for it.
Personally, if I never set foot in an office again to work, it’s not gonna hurt my feelings. I’m productive from right here at home. Yes, I’m struggling right now because no one sees my value. I can write. I know I can. I have yet to land a writing gig. Yes, I know what’s on my résumé It says I’ve been beaten more times than your college baseball team. But it doesn’t say a thing about me or what I’m capable of. Iowa Workless Defamation doesn’t see it. The locals aren’t hiring for anything I want to do and finding a remote job is like… Geez, I can’t even come up with a good comparison any more because it pretty much sucks!
Yes, I would love to have a “career” again. Quite honestly, being a stay-at-home dad is starting to feel a little like freeloading. This is not exactly fulfilling my life purpose or seeing my mission as a lightworker out, but it’s not horrible, either. I would love to be bringing in some money for roof repairs, a new vacuum cleaner, or whatever else comes up next. I mean, four kids. It’s always something.
Please let me assure you. You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are talented. You are highly skilled. You have experience. You can learn. You are 100% more than any job in terms of your value. You are love and light.
The last line of this post set me off!
Let’s go piece by piece, though. First, yes- getting laid off, fired or having your position change does royally suck. I’ve been there recently myself. (Still am if you’re reading this and would like to chat about writing jobs…)
Yes, a LOT of us are still in much the same boat. The Icky Cough-Coughs Scamdemic has cost a lot of small businesses their livelihood and made it easy for greasy corporate America to pull even more greasy weasel stuff. If people weren’t legitimately getting sick, you’d think the whole thing was some sort of economic ploy to make the rich and powerful even more rich and powerful.
So far this post sounds like your average upper management goob trying to sympathize with us “little people.” Maybe it’s sincere, or not. Everyone can use their own discernment. Then this post turns into straight-up garbage in my opinion.
Fact is, your next employer might be just as slimy as the one before…
I truly disagree with the person who said, “one company’s loss is another company’s gain.” It’s an awful cliché. Admittedly it is true, but for other reasons than what were listed. There’s really no telling what circumstances you are being hired under or if the interviewer is even being honest during the interview, assuming you ask questions at all. You don’t know what their agenda truly is, or if the last person was laid off, and they’re getting a new employee cheaper, with fewer benefits, or some other optimal measure strictly for the company. Ever wonder who you replaced? Or if this “newly created position” maybe came at the cost of other people’s jobs?
Yeah, your next employer might value your skills and experience. Or they might regard you as a convenience to cover two other positions that they merged. Or it’s entirely possible, especially in this day and age, that they’re just trying to fill seats or get names on a list for the corporate Mcheadhunters. Your skills may actually mean diddly.
And experience? Oh, let’s dissect that notion for a moment. The older I get, the more I’m discovering that is actually the LAST thing a lot of companies are looking for. Oh sure, they might say “3-5 years experience required” in the job ad. Because conveniently that’s what the person they’re already hiring from within had. Some job ads are literally posted as a formality to cover nepotism. It’s also conveniently about the length of a college degree plus internship, meaning they want to shape and mold some kid straight out of college.
For real, most companies cringe when they see us older guys and gals walk in the door. They can’t legally discriminate based on age, but… They dread what we’re going to bring to the table. No one, especially in the fancy Mc-corporate boardroom likes getting called out on their bullsh*t. The more “experience” a person has, especially in real life, the better a crap detector they’re going to be. Been there, done that.
Not to mention, more experience means we’re probably going to ask for more salary, better benefits, probably more time off. You know, all that stuff that most companies don’t want to hand out. “Oh, but you haven’t earned it yet” they’ll say. Meanwhile their little favorites are getting promotions, raises, and bennies all over the place regardless of skill or experience. Yeah… my “experience” is super valuable (to me.) Sorry. is my cynicism showing?
For those who don’t know me, I’m very prone to calling out people on their crap. So far, I think this LinkedIn post is dripping with hyperbole. My response is pretty negative because I don’t think it’s fair to this person’s audience to be led down the primrose path. And I promise if I ever say anything quite so offensive or ignorant one of my readers can call me out on it and I will come clean. Okay, and I realize that this whole article is strictly my opinion and should be taken as such. Truth is, I’ve had some really horrible experiences in the job market recently. Not only has my trust in any large company been completely eroded, but I have very little desire to be around people ever again, especially in an office environment. I have plenty of doubt about any of this post.
I’ve seen top-heavy companies go belly up. I’ve seen people who were so disconnected from their own employees that they didn’t realize the company was going under. I’ve seen multiple forms of reckless mismanagement of employees and funds. Sometimes the big money higher-ups just didn’t care. (I’m playing nice by not naming and shaming.) I’ve been in meetings where it was obvious to me what was going on around me, and who was going to get the ax and why (or at least the reason that would be given, true or not.) Again- experience does count, just not the misleading use of it above. Because people in charge tend to be full of toxic positivity and surrounded by ‘Yes’-people. They don’t want the voice of experience stepping in.
Okay, first part of this whole article that doesn’t make me want to scream. Yes, one should indeed stay motivated. Especially if one’s loss of livelihood was taken out of one’s own hands. But please, I implore you to take a look at where your motivation is directed!
What does the world need right now? Do you really want to be another highly skilled, experienced corporate drone? Are you living from one paycheck to the next working for people who in no way appreciate anything you do regardless of what drivel rolls out of their mouths?
The world needs more small businesses. The world needs more people creating their own businesses. The world needs YOU to be yourself! We need more grassroots, local, powerful efforts. We need artisans, writers, artists, musicians, entrepreneurs and people taking their act down their own path.
Last, but certainly not least.
Now, normally this statement would be well-meaning? Maybe? I guess.
First objection: Who’s hopeless??? Am I hopeless because I’m unemployed? Middle finger goes up to that notion. Am I hopeless because corporate America rejected me? Other middle finger goes up especially to that notion. Never give into the lack mentality.
Truth: YOU’RE NEVER HOPELESS!!!
You ALWAYS have a choice. You can choose abundance. You can choose joy. You can choose to tell people who say you’re hopeless where to stuff it. Never let some clown, especially on LinkedIn, assume your value. You are a being of love and light having a human experience. Your value never diminishes. Trust me, no company will ever value you as much as you value yourself.
Second objection: “Hope.” You don’t need hope. There’s this neat thing called the Law of Attraction. All hope gets you is more hope. You can hope all day. You attract what you are. Live in the dream fulfilled. You don’t have to hope. It’s already there. Everything you need already exists. Be realistic. Believe in miracles. Great things can happen for you.
Second truth: Be grateful. You live in a benevolent and loving Universe. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. I’m so happy and grateful just for being here with you. Just for being alive on this planet right now. I’m so very grateful for my readers.
Third truth: If someone laid you off, fired you, or cut your position, it’s an opportunity to expand. The Universe/God/Source has handed you an opportunity to expand. Take it and run! Make the best of it. There are so many things a person can do in between jobs, it’s ridiculous. I find more and more things every day.
Take a walk. Breathe fresh air. Take a nap. Finish that book you’ve been reading. Write, paint, sing, play an instrument, or find some other creative endeavor you’ve always wanted to do. Learn new skills. Life is not all about pounding the pavement looking for a job that you can grind on every day until retirement and eventually death. There is more to life than just feeding the bill collectors.
Fourth truth: You have to take care of you. No employer I have ever encountered ever gave a rip about my health or sanity. Most managers or bosses are only concerned for their profit margin. Oftentimes, it’s their own personal profit margin. There are plenty of businesses that will happily work someone into the ground for as little as they can get away with. Value yourself by taking care of yourself and your loved ones.
Last objection: Look at the hashtags after all the diatribe. “Best Job Strategy” my ass. That strategy looks a lot like “Sell yourself to the corporate overlords.” There’s no strategy to being treated like dirt. I’m sorry, but there is so much more to life than just sleep, eat, work, repeat until dead.
Last truth for now: Please let me assure you. You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are talented. You are highly skilled. You have experience. You can learn. You are 100% more than any job in terms of your value. You are love and light.
Seek out joy, abundance, love, and prosperity. Find or become an entrepreneur. Help out a small company, independent retailer, or local business. Embrace humanity. Embrace what lights you up.
Thank you for reading this. I appreciate your support. Take care.
While I don’t have my whole spiritual mission mapped out and I’m certainly no millionaire LoA guru yet, some of the various puzzle pieces of life are falling into place.
Tonight’stheme is: Tough introspection on my part.
So, I’m sitting here playing my 900th+ match on Fortnite tonight and I started thinking. What kind of legacy am I leaving behind? I mean, they don’t have to carve my bearded face into a stone somewhere. I’ve never been big on glory and prestige or popularity. But, what do I want to be remembered for.
Sound like a mid-life crisis?
Yeah, kinda does. In my defense, I do turn 50 next year. Not sure I expected to make it this far. I mean, yay! But at the same time I’m wondering what the last 50 years truly netted me. I’ve had some pretty epic, killer matches in video games going back all the way to the Atari 2600. Yeah… Combat, Pac-Man, and Dig-Dug. I put in a lot of hours on some of those games. Yars Revenge, too. There was a game…
The Basic Nintendo Entertainment System is still one of my all time favorite gaming platforms. I think I played Top Gun, Double Dragon 1,2, and 3 until I beat them and could practically do it in my sleep. There was this really sweet, sweet game called Conflict that I was super pro at. By current graphics standards, these games are all weak sauce now, though.
PC games became my jam in college. I played Mechwarrior, Unreal Tournament, Doom, all of the Dungeons & Dragons content I could find, Command & Conquer (all up until Red Alert 2 or 3, (I think?) Jagged Alliance 2, Squad Leader, and the best of all- World of Warcraft. I played WoW until my arthritis started acting up. Lots of amazing years and fun characters in that game. I still have fond memories.
Alas, I gave most of it up when I became more serious about my spiritual path.
I would like to say I moved on, but not entirely. I still squeeze in an appearance on Heroes of the Storm occasionally. I started playing Fortnite as a way to bond with my kids. They like to watch those YouTubers who scream and yell at the camera all the time. The game is super easy for us old Unreal Tournament guys. We get to spend some time together and it’s fun. I also get to vent some aggression without anyone getting hurt in the real world.
The one thing I will say has changed is I no longer play super obsessively like I did in the good old WoW days. No joke, I went through about seven or eight years where all I did was eat, sleep, work, and play WoW. Sound familiar? It sunk in one summer night after I watched Dr Steven Greer’s Unacknowledged. Where was I going?
Where am I going?
Again, I’m not out to be a name in every other household around the world, fun though that would be. But I started to realize there had to be more to life than just eat, sleep, work, raise kids and play video games. It started to look like a slow trudge toward the grave, and I’ve never been a fan of that.
That’s when I started to realize that video games are my particular drug of choice when it comes to distracting myself and seriously procrastinating. After some therapy and learning about the wonders of the Law of Attraction, I figured out that video games were preventing all of that “shadow work” and keeping me stuck in old paradigms on top of being a distraction and a means of procrastination. It’s what I do when the anxiety and depression really kick in.
So while I don’t have my whole spiritual mission mapped out and I’m certainly no millionaire LoA guru yet, some of the various puzzle pieces of life are falling into place. Yes, I can still play a round or two of something now and then without blowing a pile of money or losing hours of productivity. It’s a simple matter of moderation and that’s a good life lesson for all the kids, YouTubers and just people out there. If I feel like I’m spending too much time in video game land, I put the controller down.
“If you were going to be rich, you’d have done it by now.” – My mentor.
I would take a real bullet for the beautiful, talented, amazing, inspiring person who said this to me. But also, that particular comment still makes me want to crawl in a hole and die. As intensely dualistic as it is, I’m glad she said it. It’s the truth and we should never, ever demand a retraction for something that is legitimate truth.
I hear it a LOT in LoA and entrepreneurship circles. They say you should spend every waking hour of the day on the grind of either self-improvement or pursuing all of your super serious intentions. Is it true? Well, I’ll say it never hurt anyone. Or does it?
Where’s the joy in constantly having your nose in a book or hustling for that almighty dollar all the time? How much fun are you having when you bury yourself in perpetually trying to one-up your perceived competition or hitting the next benchmark? Sure, who doesn’t want to be rich? Yay hustle and grind. Here’s my “but:” Why should a bunch of screaming YouTubers who play Minecraft and Fortnite non-stop for days get to have all the fun and my kids’ undivided attention? Who’s to say self-improvement can’t become someone’s narcotic of choice, a haven for burying one’s feelings?
Their way isn’t necessarily my way.
*Note, I’m going to name drop a bunch of folks here. Please go look them up on YouTube if you haven’t seen them already.
I admire Aaron Doughty, Jake Ducey, and even Master Sri Akarshana beyond words. They’ve worked hard in their respective LoA niches and have risen to staggering heights of wealth and prestige in the spiritual and LoA communities. I would love to have a sit-down with Jake Ducey some time. He’s one of my real heroes.
They’ve worked hard on themselves, meditated, prayed, and built empires. I might not always agree with Master Akarshana’s style or tactics, but I admire anyone who straight up attracted a Lamborghini and has businesses running in the thousands if not millions. Obviously he didn’t make all that by playing WoW nonstop to level cap every time a new expansion came out.
However, their way isn’t my way. Sure, I like to live in the feeling of the dream fulfilled. I like to tend to business and work hard, but I also do kick back and have some fun with the kids now and then. I also find writing quite therapeutic, especially these days. I still meditate about once per day. I’d do the same thing if I was Eckhart Tolle or Teal Swan. (Although I might not look as good as Teal. Lol!) My point is, I affirm and believe that I’m on my way up. I may be pulling an Abraham Hicks at the rate I’m going- retired and attracting more and more joy into my life. But that’s another story entirely.
They say before enlightenment you chop wood and haul water. After enlightenment you chop wood and haul water. I figure being a millionaire is much the same, just different trappings. You still have to work, but the paradigm and the type of work shifts dramatically.
My kids like to watch Preston Playz, Unspeakable Gaming and Ssundee on a pretty much daily basis. I hear names like Dream and SniperWolf getting thrown around a lot, too. These folks on YouTube make buckets upon buckets of money and have millions of subscribers. I can admire that. Some of these folks don’t just yell at the mic and play video games all day, either. They give away boatloads of cash and help build businesses and they’re all fairly young. I admire that, but again, it’s not really my jam. I’m a player, not a code guy. I can’t make the next Super Nuke Thrower Bow in Minecraft. I’m not God’s gift to Fortnite.
I pry myself away from the PC and the console occasionally and do other things. Hooray for doing what you enjoy for a living. I love that they do it. But again, I wonder what else goes on in their day. Are they really enjoying life and all the money/prestige? I know 2020 was a good year for certain YouTubers. Yay. But I wonder what life is like outside of the box? Are they fulfilled? Where’s the joy? What are they leaving behind for their kids?
Wheredoes that leave me?
This blog will be around for a while yet. That’s a good start. I have a TON of ideas I’d like to develop once I have some funds rolling in. I’m perpetually learning and improving myself, just not obsessively. I’m really loving life, trying to keep my vibration high within reason, and looking for new opportunities whenever I can. Yes, I do some of my more grindy thinking when I’m immersed in Heroes of the Storm for 20 minutes or playing solo on Fortnite.
Tabletop Role Playing Games are sort of my side hustle. I would love to be the next Gary Gygax or even Matt Mercer. That having been said, I’ve got a TON of ideas. I know how to format, edit, write and create game mechanics that work. Characters are no problem. Art on the other hand… We have challenges to overcome in terms of art.
Have a great week. Keep on doing what lights you up. Keep your vibration way high. Take care. Publius.
I’m looking for work, like nothing I’ve ever done before. Please let me know if you need help. Looking to work from home, maybe do some writing.
This is the most honest and impassioned plea I can put forward.
What can I do for you? – Web Design – Copy writing – Research – Promote your business or services – Write reviews of your book, product or service. – Anything else online within reason and legality. – Heck, if you live close enough, I’ll walk your dog.
If you have suggestions for other enterprises, I’m all ears, within reason. I’m pretty flexible as long as there’s some sort of legitimate, real pay attached to it. Extremely reasonable rates.
I’m ready for a change.
This wouldn’t be my blog if I wasn’t going somewhere with this.
Sure, I have a résumé. I’ll even send it to you if you’re a potential employer and you want to see it badly enough. BUT, it doesn’t say much about me in the context of what I’m moving into.
It won’t tell you that I have a highly creative mind. My résumé doesn’t speak to my passions or what I truly enjoy doing. Why not? Because I’ve almost never gotten to branch out that far in the past. All that document really shows is the human doing, not the human being. I’m more than just a sum of my pieces and parts.
That man on my résumé was pre-spirituality, pre-personal development, pre-light-code-activation, and not the guy I am today. Yay, I worked all these jobs that don’t represent who I am now- who I’ve become. I love that guy to pieces, but he’s evolving. I’m here and I’m ready for something more.
This poor ole blog gets used to vent a lot of stuff.
If you’re here from somewhere else in interweb land, I write about a lot of stuff. Sometimes I get a little heated, emotional, or even triggered. I maybe don’t always use all the proper punctuation, grammar, or spelling. I do use a lot of Bitmoji art, Pexels royalty-free images and pictures of my cats. I work with what I’ve got. My blog, like me, is evolving every day. I learn as I go and build on what came before.
What I need right now more than money:
A very close friend of mine once reminded me that money is not a value in life. (Thanks, Laura!!!) Yeah, it buys awesome stuff that makes me smile. It puts my kids through school and pays for vacations. I mean, yay money, but right now I need something more.
I’m looking for things that bring me joy. I want to do work that I’m passionate about. I want to do something that matters. Sure, I could flip burgers or sell magazines over the phone, but that’s not my thing. If it’s your thing, great. But I’m looking to make more of a difference.
I have a few of close friends and family along with about 500 bunnies I met on the Internet.
I’m not perfect. My biggest hurdle at the moment is that I don’t have any references. I am literally a WYSIWYG human right now. In other words, if you hire me, you’re hiring me on good faith that I will do the best I can for you. That’s tough, but I have to start somewhere.
I have met some wonderful friends on Instagram and even YouTube, but unfortunately, years of being nocturnal have taken their toll. The number of people I keep in touch with out in the “real” world are very few and far between. Certainly no one I’ve worked with even recently can vouch for me, nor would I ask. I’m not the same person I was twenty years ago, five years ago, even last year at this time. Please get to know me in the now, not the then.
Thank you if you made it this far. I appreciate your support wholeheartedly. I can’t do it without you. Take care. See you next time.
Humanity and I are going to keep on striving for a better day tomorrow and the day after.
It’s easy to slip back into a lack mentality, especially when times get tough.
A lot of Law of Attraction gurus have covered this, so I won’t go overboard explaining every nuance, but this came up in my life recently. It’s almost a daily occurrence right now in my own mind, though. Adapting to new life circumstances or we’ll say different now moments has been a challenge at times.
How do you keep up the mental walls of positive thinking when it looks like everything has fallen apart? Some would put it more pragmatically and say, “face reality,” but I find reality as we understand it to be a very fluid concept. It’s almost like a line from Eminem’s “Lose Yourself.” I’ve been presented with a grand opportunity, and I’m super determined not to let it slip away. Or to quote Eminem, “You’ve got to lose yourself in this music, this moment… You only get one shot. This is your chance blow…”
Only this is Craigmile, not 8 Mile. Opportunity is infinite like everything else in the Universe. It’s another cliché, but when one door closes, another opens. I believe Source is constantly testing to see what we’re ready for, then presenting it, then challenging, and so on ad infinitum. It’s a constant cycle of sureness. Sometimes it appears as adversity. Other times it appears as triumph.
Aren’t we just lying to ourselves? Spiritually bypassing?
Laughably, no. And allow me to elaborate. I find there are a few keys to coping with a change in circumstances without bogging down into that old lack mentality. My three favorites are acceptance, gratitude, and presence. And if this sounds like Laura Dibenedetto’s The Six Habits, you’re absolutely correct. BUT… It’s also taken from other brilliant minds such as Alan Watts, Bob Proctor, Jake Ducey, Sri Akarshana, Aaron Doughty, Ralph Smart, Abraham Hicks, and so many more.
If I were bypassing, I could just bury my head in the sand and try to meditate my way out of this whole situation. Instead, I’ve chosen accept the things I cannot change. I have recited the Serenity Prayer over and over during the last two weeks. One thing I’ve noticed people tend to forget, however is we live in a Universe where there are no victims. Yes, it’s hard to swallow, but everything is a matter of choices. My choices are going to lead me to better and better places.
Mentally, it’s hard for the ego to let go of the “this sucks” notion. It can leave one ranting like an insane person, walking about the house muttering, arguing with oneself about circumstances vs ideals. Without bypassing, being delusional, you have to live in the present as if it were the ideal that you desire. I think it was Alan Watts that talked about being homeless, but mentally constructing your mansion as if you were living there. You have to know every detail as if you were remembering it. Scripting is important, but so are intent and action.
How do you keep from letting your circumstances get to you?
It’s easy to say, “This sucks. I can’t cope. It’s so unfair that -blah- happened.” Instead of complaining and hating on circumstances, I find it easier to focus on the things we have to be grateful for. Now, my list literally grows by the day, some old favorites and some new items. I am happy to be free. I am overjoyed to be my own boss. I am so happy and grateful I finally have some real time on my hands to do some writing. I am so happy and grateful people are reading this right now. I’m grateful I get to be here with Gaia right now. The list can just go on and on…
I am happy and grateful I still have a roof over my head, good food to eat, and my family is happy and healthy. Truthfully, if that’s all I ever manage to manifest in my life, that is awesome. That’s not to brag, either. Plenty of people out there are hurting in one of those categories of more. But humanity and I are going to keep on striving for a better day tomorrow and the day after. It’s not always easy, but it’s always manageable. My advice if you’re struggling- believe in your heart of hearts that it’s going to get better.
I don’t drink alcohol, smoke anything, vape anything, do “recreational drugs” or anything else to try to escape. If I had to pick a soothing behavior, it would be video games and even that is becoming more manageable by the day. My other main hobby is tabletop role-playing games, but that is becoming more of a side hustle and possibly my main hustle eventually.
But if I’ve learned anything over the past few years of taking in LoA teachings on a daily basis, it’s that I never have to completely trudge around in the muck. Sure, there are things I’m going to do, maybe not today, but eventually. My wife and I discuss the grocery budget almost every day. Our kids drink milk like little calicos in June around here. We’d love to eat out more. But we’re going to make due with what we have whether it’s a little or a lot. I’m leaning toward a lot. We’re going to make it happen.
What keeps you focused?
There are two things I’d like to attribute to my success and sometimes failures with LoA. The first is mindset. It took a very long time to rewire my brain. (Somewhere I hear Jake Ducey and a couple of other folks laughing at me.) But it’s so true. You have to turn that minus – into a plus + every day. That line in the middle of the plus sign goes from the bottom up. Sure, I have negative thoughts. It’s gonna happen. The faster you catch it and wire in something more positive, the better.
Some people like to do it subliminally or through hypnosis. I’ve done some of that myself. It works, but you also have to believe. Taking time every day to script either in writing, verbally or even just as a regular thought exercise might seem silly and tedious in the short run, but over days and weeks, it starts to sink in. Daily affirmations do help quite a bit.
Sure, I still get triggered by something silly or take a hit to my self esteem occasionally. The most important thing is not to dwell on it for too long. Psychology plays a major role in spirituality and LoA. We all argue with that little voice in the back of our minds from time to time. It’s called an ego. It’s there to protect us. It can be a big helper when you need it. Other times, you just have to tell the little bugger to sit down and shut up. Sometimes your heart, your gut, and your third eye will get you places that obnoxious ego won’t get you to.
Yes, I DO recommend meditation.
The best way to be in the presence of God is to pray or meditate every day. I sometimes do both and then some. Regardless of your religious beliefs or practices, just sitting in silence for a few minutes every day can really help you reign in your focus.
I can’t stress enough that it’s not hard. When I meditate, I don’t have any special pose or seated position beyond sitting down, eyes closed, no distractions, palms up (but that’s personal to me.) Relax, be in stillness, and let go of your thoughts for a while. Don’t worry. Don’t think about anything. Just BE. Even if it’s just sitting outside for 10 minutes and observing nature. Some people meditate while walking.
Shaolin monks take it to the extreme in a way. I remember one student saying “Everything we do is meditation. When we punch, we are doing punching meditation. When we kick, we are doing kicking meditation.” Singular focus is key. Pretty soon, if you practice mindfulness long enough, you start picking up on patterns and seeing the world in a whole new light.
Eckhart Tolle explains that meditation itself is not about doing something. It is simply a matter of BE-ing. You have to train your mind to rest and just let the Universe flow though you. That’s when you are in presence the most. There is no trick, posture, pose or plan to get there. It’s a state of being, but does it ever help with the rest of the day.
So, <POOF> I meditated and it’s all better?
Alas, it is not all about meditation. Seriously, if it were that easy to cast a money spell just through meditation, wouldn’t we all do it? Zero point energy, wealth, food and well being for every creature on Earth would have happened a thousand times over and we wouldn’t need to be here if it were that easy. This is the hardest part of LoA for both myself and most people- you have to take what is called, “Inspired Action.” When opportunities present themselves, and they often do, you have to be ready to pounce. For example, if you get offered a new job, and your gut says “yes,” then you have to pounce on it.
I look for new and more opportunities all the time. Being more present and mindful will help you see that when it comes up. In kinda New Age terms you’re collecting your energy and focusing it on that which you intend and the proper time to make it happen. Again, not as easy as it sounds. Ever see a Shaolin monk punch something? Punching meditation. He’s literally pulling energy from the Universe and channeling it through his fist and through the target. It’s all one motion for them.
On a final note, I believe in second, third, and more chances. We ultimately live in a kind, loving Universe. We are beings of love and light. God does not exist to punish us. In my opinion, the Kingdom of Heaven is truly within. If you screw up, like I do, The Universe will put something else in your path. You will attract something new, possibly better than you would have expected.
In the end, the most important thing you can manifest on this Earth is joy. It’s also the easiest. Find one thing to smile about. Find something, even if it’s small, to take some happiness in. Even if you’ve been standing in swamp water up to your chest for two and a half days, as long as you find something to laugh about, you’re going to be okay. Love? Be happy for yourself and your partner. Money? Be happy for however much you have and you’re going to have. Career? Be happy you get to go to work every day in a place you want to be in.