“Old White Guys” in the TTRPG Space.

This is a difficult topic for obvious reasons.

I ran across this comment during the latest TTRPG Safety Tools Consent Checklist debate on X (Twitter.) Can I just say I think there is a right way and a wrong way of going about this particular statement. Needless to say I disagree with some things here. I’m going to be a nice guy and edit their name and bio information out because I’m not trying to attack the poster.

Disclaimer: Statements expressed in this article are strictly my opinion. If you disagree or have a different opinion, that’s okay. I’m not an expert on everything. I’m not always right. I’m just writing from my experience as I know it. Your mileage may vary.

However, I AM an “old white guy.” I have a take on safety tools, etc. I DO want people to game with me or others like me. Hello. We’re not all the devil.

[DISCLAIMER:] I’m trying my best to get pronouns correct. I apologize in advance if I mess up.

Having said that, I think I have a pretty good idea of what she meant. I know certain YouTubers and other “Old White Dudes” (We’ll come back to that reference.) have been spewing hate and vitriol all over social media and their own YT channels. There’s a lot of hate blowing both ways right now. I’m trying to stay the Hell out of it.

Can I just say I don’t like getting blocked on social media most of the time. However, if my very presence makes someone that incredibly uncomfortable- it’s fine. I’m not trying to cheese anyone off.

I’ve heard it before.

Obviously not the first time someone has shouted down guys like me in the TTRPG space. I would say that phenomenon has actually grown in the last two years. I think it might have something to do with increasing Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in the TTRPG sphere which is great. There’s also that misguided comment by D&D Executive Something-or-other, Kyle Brink, last year. (*Yup. I went there again.) That was less than helpful for the most part.

No matter where we turn (looking at you, OSR,) someone is delivering what I would consider to be the wrong message. Someone is delivering a message that makes trying to defend the position of being a harmless “old white dude” more difficult every damn day.

My knee jerk reaction to the original post.

🦆🦆! You don’t know me! (We’re back on the ducky system for expletives.) Wt🦆?!? Seriously, I’d never seen the person that posted the comment at the top of the article. Comments like the one they  made kinda make me not want to interact with them ever again. But refusing to interact isn’t going to move the topic forward, either.

Meanwhile, I feel like I’ve been cast into the bucket with every other “cishet older white guy” out there. I find it rather upsetting because if the shoe were on the other foot and for some insane reason I was trash talking their that way, we’d have a riot on our hands. I don’t know if I’m more upset that I feel lumped in with some real pieces of human 🦆🦆🦆 or if I’m irked because that’s not me.

Wait, I’m not a “cishet older white guy?” I have two close family members that identify as LGBTQIA++. If nothing else, I’m an ally. And maybe I don’t have a problem with TTRPG Safety Tools, but that opinion gets lost the second someone notices my appearance, I think.

I could just choose to keep my mouth shut, but that hasn’t worked out so well for civil rights discourse over the last hundred plus years. We’re well beyond talking about what stats the Felines should have in ICRPG and well into the politics of DEI now.

It always comes down to reframing and I wish more people did it.

Reframing is a tough concept to learn and master. We, as humans, get used to seeing things positively or negatively per the nurture in our culture, community, and family group. Some kids, sadly, are taught that it’s okay to hate on other people based on gender identity, skin color, political ideology, etc. It can take months, even years to unlearn all that hate. (Neuroplasticity states it can take as few as 21 days to reform those mental pathways, but it takes work.)

Going from being against something to encouraging an alternative takes some mental gymnastics. Instead of saying “No one wants to play with y’all anyways,” maybe it should sound like “We prefer to play with people who prefer to use TTRPG Safety Tools.”

That last lines of the post actually could have been the gist. Everyone is eating at the same table. Don’t be a sh🦆ty host.” I might reframe it to just say, “Be a good host.” There’s a degree of mental gymnastics there that most people haven’t learned to do. It’s fine.

Let me be clear.

I have good will toward everyone. Yes, even the person that posted the vitriol on X (Twitter.) If I’m reading it right, we would never game at the same table, but I’d be happy to accept them as a player anytime. I tend not to turn anyone away unless their presence poses a threat or danger to my family. (Ex: I’m not going to let a known bigot into my group with my trans family member.]

I don’t want to punch a N🦆zi near as much as I want them as far the f🦆 away from my family as possible. I would love to believe, from a very deep spiritual standpoint, that we can unite all humans someday into unified consciousness. Realistically? We are a very long way from that right now. I would love for the human race to lay down their arms, stop fighting and hating, and just accept one another for who we are. We don’t have to hold hands and hug- just stop killing each other for crying out loud!

I’ve seen plenty of TTRPG groups looking for exclusively BIMPOC, LGBTQIA, or neurodivergent creators to have as players. Likewise I’ve seen plenty of companies looking for someone along the same lines to fill a position with preference given to them.

I have no problem with that approach. Would I like to be included? Maybe. But at the same time, I’ll give up my seat at that particular tables because I know where I’m not likely to be welcome. They stated their preference. Cool. Still sounds far better than “No one wants to play with y’all anyways.”

I understand the deck has been stacked in favor of “Old White Guys.”

Sad fact is that much of the same old Wizards of the Coast/T$R old boys’ club still exists today, but that’s a topic for another time. It’s been tough for anyone who doesn’t fit the demographic to get anywhere in the creative/productive side of the hobby. It’s terrible that all of those -isms still exist in our world, even in our hobby. No, it’s not impossible to get ahead, but it’s not always easy.

Then there’s the even more grim part of the hobby who make it even harder to defend us “older white guys.” Seriously, I still feel like nothing I say is going to do the subject justice. No, I don’t hate myself. In fact, quite the opposite. I don’t hate anything or anyone (with the exception of those who intend harm on others.)  Let’s get rid of the hate. Let’s get back to focusing on love. Please reframe for love, y’all.

I hesitate to say it, but can we just get back to the game?

This whole fracas started because of TTRPG Safety Tools. I want my blog here and my gaming table to be a safe space for all of my LGBTQIA++ family, BIMPOC creators, neurodiverse folx, and anyone else who wants to talk about TTRPGs and play games. Unfortunately that means we have to guard against those who would poison and destroy our #ttrpgfamily.

My message this week: Let’s try being cool with one another. Let’s live and let live. Please, be nice. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Have a good week.

Thank you for being here today with me. I appreciate you. Please embrace the things that bring you the most joy.